Addiction (Jim x Tilly - The Basketball Diaries fic)

Chapter 4. Without her

Jim
She had no idea how I thought of her almost constantly, how my stomach turned in knots when I saw her, how I couldn't be without her and how i knew she was the one. I doubt she felt the same way, although she did seem to be spending more time around me, which made me a little suspicious. I ruled out all of the options, and decided it was because she didn't particularly like anyone else. Every day was the same, I got out of bed, Thought about her. Made my breakfast, imagined sitting with her. Got dressed for the day, thought about her. It was an endless stream of thoughts about her that never stopped. If I was being honest, it was driving me crazy and I knew I had to confess soon. How would I do it though? And what would happen if she said no? Would our relationship be ruined forever? These thoughts fumbled around in my
head as I threw the covers off of me and hazily made my way out of my room and into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes and yawning slightly. I noticed that a note had been left pinned up to the fridge.

Jim,
Your Dad is in town and I thought he could pop by later. He said that he's coming round about midday, make sure that you're dressed. Oh and also, I've gone out with some friends for the day and most likely won't be home until 10:00pm. Don't spend all of your time with Tilly today please.
Love you
Mom
xx

"Oh" I sadly sighed. I wouldn't be able to see Tilly today, which upset me. I knew that I should climb down to her window and tell her. I slid out of my window, taking care not to fall, and climbed down the metal ladder to her balcony. Carefully, I placed my feet down onto the metal and raised my fist to knock at the window.

Tilly
I woke up with a start, to hear some vicious banging coming from my window. Slowly, I turned towards the window to notice Jim. I felt my face turn a beetroot red and hopped out of bed, trying to calm my racing brain. All I could think about were the events of my dream and how it made fall even more in love with him. I stumbled over to the window and pushed it up, resting my arms on the windowsill and resting my head in my hands. "Good morning sleepy", his gruff morning voice said. I felt the butterflies in my stomach again, but tried to ignore them before answering back. I looked up at him to see his face drop a little and his eyes dimmed. "Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly before taking his hand. 'Stupid move! Idiot!' I mentally shouted at myself, before sliding my hand off of his in embarrassment. He laughed slightly and smiled at me, making me feel less embarrassed. "Yeah, no everything's fine. I just came down to tell you that my Dad's in town, and this is the only time he will be for a while..." he hesitated. "...So I won't be able to see you today". I dropped my head a little, before remembering that I had school anyway so I wouldn't be able to see him either. "I have school today, so that's all right by me" I said cheerily, even though I was disappointed that we wouldn't be able to hang out after school. I had become so tied up with Jim that I hadn't realise how I couldn't stay a day away from him, it was almost as if he was my drug keeping me going. My own piece of heroin.

Jim
"That's all right by me" she cheerily finished. I was slightly upset that she didn't seem more disappointed at the fact of not being able to see me today. Her face did seem to drop a bit, making me if she was faking her happy voice. "Alright, I'll see you... tomorrow? If that suits you?" her face lit up and she immediately nodded before waving at me with a comforting smile. I watched her walk into her bathroom, and I smiled to myself as I gently closed the window and climbed back up the ladder.

——

Tilly
The school day seemed to pass in a blur and it was over before it had even hardly started. I didn't miss the bus this time, although when I got here, I found that I had a whole month of detentions ahead of me for skipping school. The bell soon went, breaking me out of my daze in English.'I quickly grabbed my books and threw them into my bag, and I was out of that door quicker than lightening and hurriedly ran to the school bus. I had an idea of what I was doing to do when I got home. Mom wouldn't be impressed in the slightest, and Jim? Well, I wasn't sure how he'd react.

Jim
I heard the school bus pulling up as my Dad was leaving. As Mom mentioned, he turned up to the door at midday, demanding a coffee. Luckily, Mom had bought some a few weeks ago just in case he visited again. He had become quite a heavy built man from the last time I saw him, and I wondered what could have brought that on. He had also changed his hair - it was previously a dirty blonde, just like mine, but it was now a dark brown. Out of curiosity, I asked him what this was all about. He said nothing more than "for the new lady". I had looked up to my father when I was younger, now I despised him. He cheated on my Mom several times before they broke it off, leaving her afraid to ever love again. Through my manners, I had to be courteous to him for the whole afternoon. We talked about a range of things. I decided to leave out the part about drugs and getting expelled from school, as I believed it was best. I mentioned about Tilly and my dilemma about liking her. Despite my father being a total asshole, he did give me some advice. "If you don't want to loose her, you better ask her before she goes". I wasn't quite sure what he meant by this. I could only guess that he could be hinting at the fact that there was a possibly she likes me back and she would leave soon if I didn't admit how I felt? But that was always my Dad's way of thinking, so I decided not to follow it.

As I said goodbye to my father, he gave me a slight smile, shook my hand and said "go get your girl", before rushing down the stairs. I stood there dazed and wondered if he was right. Did she like me back? Would I loose her if I didn't admit my feelings to her? I decided to take my chance, and I rushed to my window, almost falling out and hurriedly climbed down the metal bars - holding onto the sides for help - and then jumping onto her balcony. It made a horrific clanging noise. I silently hoped that I didn't frighten her. I looked up and froze. My eyes widened at the sight I saw before me, my heart pounded in my chest and tears threatened to fall from my eyes. Had I really been that bad of an influence?