Addiction (Jim x Tilly - The Basketball Diaries fic)

Chapter 5. It's just a puff 🚬

Tilly
As the school bus pulled up at the side of the road, I thanked the driver and hopped off. I looked up towards Jim's window, hoping he might see me. But no such luck. Walking up to the doors, I saw a well built man hurriedly running down the stairs and barging through the door. It slammed against the brick walls and almost hit me. He looked almost like Jim's Dad, only bigger. I pondered on this thought, and decided it must just be a visitor who looked like him. I gradually opened the doors and started my long trek up the right angled stairs to my apartment. Finally I reached the top. 'This exercise must've payed off' I murmured to myself as I fumbled around with the keys, slotting the correct key into the door and shoving it open. I carefully closed the door, sliding my slip on shoes off and placing them next to the door. I walked over to the kitchen counter, placing my bag and keys on the newly polished surface. Mom wouldn't be home for at least another 4 hours, so that gave me plenty of time. I knew where Jim had accidentally left his secret stash last time he was here, luckily he never came back to pick it back up. I excitedly walked over to my bed and lifted up the mattress. Underneath it - carefully placed on one of the wooden stretched of wood - was a big bag of weed. I had never got high before, but from what Jim had told me, it sounded pretty damn good. I searched around my room for my lighter and some paper to roll it up in. After 5 minutes of looking for them, I remembered that the lighter was in my bag and I could just use some paper from my school book. I went back into the kitchen, grabbing my bag and made my way into my room. I got out the lighter and tore out a page of my Math book. I tried to remember how I had seen Jim and the boys roll it, and copied their movements. 10 minutes later, after 5 unsuccessful tries, I had rolled it. I grabbed the lighter and lit it up. Smoke filled my room and I took one small drag. Spluttering and coughing, I took another and another, breathing in the pure happiness. A few moments later, everything started spinning, my head started hammering and my vision started blurring, but despite all of that, I felt myself drift onto a wave of euphoria. I hadn't been this happy for ages. I felt careless and free. I rested myself against my bed, my head hanging a little, smiling in glee. This really was better than what Jim had described it as, and I could see why him and the boys did it so often.

Jim
Had i really been that bad of an influence? I watched as Tilly took her last drag, her head falling into her chest and her body slumping against the bed. I read her expression, and I could tell that she looked like she was quite content with herself. I decided not to knock and to just watch from afar. Every second that she just sat there, my heart felt like it skipped a beat. I was certain it was about to beat right out of my chest. My worry only grew as the seconds past. It felt like years and I was sure she had taken too long of a drag. I could feel my face grow hot, crumpling into a bewildered look. I allowed a small tear to roll down my cheek as I continued to stare at her. How could I have been this stupid? How could I have done it so many times around her that she wanted to have a go? She didn't even know about the hardcore drugs I was doing! God forbid if she ever found out about those and tried them. I cared more about her than me. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I knew that I was too far gone to pull myself out. But I couldn't watch this happen to the girl I loved. Not now. Not ever.

I slowly dropped my head and decided that I had to warn her about this. I wiped my tears from my
face with the sleeve of my black jacket, sniffing a little, before raising the window and stepping inside. The smell of weed that came blasting towards me almost made me want to go over, snatch the joint out of her hands and get high with her. But in the circumstances, I couldn't do that. I knew that her Mom would throw a fit if she saw what Tilly had just done. As I lowered the window, I heard a small "Hey". It was all slurred, and I could tell she had taken far too big of a hit for her first time. I quickly turned around to see her looking up at me. Her face was a wash of whiteness, eyes dead-shot with red rims around them. Yet she was still smiling. It was as if her face lit up when she saw me. 'Maybe... just maybe she likes me back' I heard a tiny voice in my head say. 'Shut up! Not now' I argued back with it. I ran over to Tilly, taking the joint out of her fingers and rubbing it out. Violently she raised her arm, trying to grab it off of me, but I was too strong for her. "Nooo" she sighed in defeat, as I wrapped an arm around her. "Oh Tilly, why? Why did you do this?" I knew I sounded hurt, and I could sense that Tilly knew she had hurt me. She looked up at me, tears filling her eyes like waterfalls, and murmured "I upset you..." before crumbling. I held her tightly, letting her sob into my dark green t-shirt.

Half an hour later, the last teardrop fell from her eye, and she sniffled a little before I looked her dead in the eyes. She looked nervous, like she knew I was going to react badly to this. "Tilly, just please-" I started. "I did it because... I couldn't bear to see you having fun without me. All of your friends getting high and leaving me out. It looked like so much fun that I had to have a go" she sniffled. I immediately felt regret for being like that around her. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I rubbed her shoulder calmly. "You know Tilly, if you really wanted to have a go, you could have asked me and I would have been there to make sure you did it correctly and didn't get too high". "It was only your first time too" I finished. "I didn't want you to be angry at me" she replied softly, grabbing my shirt a little.

As the minutes passed, she started to become dozier, dropping her head, her eyes drooping. I could tell she was coming down now, so I put my hands under her legs and lifted her off the ground, placing her carefully on the bed. I pulled the cover up around her, stroking her hair a little and laid down beside her. I wrapped an arm around her waist, making sure she was nice and warm. Kindly, I said "I'm not mad at you" before I heard little snores coming from her. I could tell she was now fast asleep. I lay there thinking about tonight. I was glad that I had got through the window and talked her out of taking more hits and I was glad that she told me what was going on inside the mind of hers.

Soon, I felt my eyes becoming heavier, and my thoughts started slowing down. I checked the time. 1:00am. Her Mom would be home by now, so I couldn't sneak back out of the window. I had to sleep here, which was no bad thing. I was right next to the girl I loved, comforting her and making sure she felt safe. "Oh Tilly, what am I going to do with you", I murmured, laughing slightly and sweetly smiling to myself before dropping off into a deep sleep.