Addiction (Jim x Tilly - The Basketball Diaries fic)

Chapter 32. Funeral 🪦

————— Time skip: A few weeks —————

Jim
The funeral was a few weeks later. It was as I'd expected. Lots of people wearing black and sobbing their eyes out like they really knew her. Assholes. I mean, half her class attended and they didn't even give a single shit about her. Like, c'mon seriously? I wanted to smack the false sadness off of their faces the moment they stepped into the church. The only people really hurting here was Ms Anderson, My Mom (slightly less than her Mom), myself and Amy. I must admit I forgot about Amy. I knew her and Tilly were close though.
A pastor who didn't even know her boomed words about how she was with the Lord now and how she was taken too tragically young. Blah blah blah all that bullshit. My head had pounded the whole time. I needed to cry. Needed to scream my heart out. But I didn't want to, not in front of everyone.

I remember sitting there with a stone cold expression on my face, my eyes not leaving her casket and the small photo of her radiant, beaming face propped up on it. Her eyes glimmered into mine just like they used to. Now the only time she will look at me is through old photos I have of her.

I remember when the men lowered her casket into the ground. Her lifeless body laying there, soul already gone, in the dark with no escape. A tiny, helpless cry left my mouth as it hit the ground with a solid bang, dusts of soil covering the top. A few people threw singular roses into the hole. I stood there, hands in pockets, shoulders tense, eyes glued to where she lay.

I sat there, talking and talking to her body long after everyone had left. Even her Mom had gone, carried off by my Mother to go and grieve together. Her Dad never came though. I wondered why.
Birds sang happy little songs in the trees. The sound used to warm my heart, but now it felt like the whole world was a black and white movie and nothing could unfreeze the dull and wearisome feeling gripping onto my body.

The sun had begun ducking down behind the trees and the last of the day came to a close. I knew by tomorrow, her casket would be covered up. She would soon have a headstone where people could lay gifts of flowers and whatever other shit they would put down in attempt to care about her. Why do people only seem to pay attention to someone when they're gone? It's like her whole life, I was the only person who really saw her.

I pushed myself up, my legs stiff from the hours I had sat there talking to the silence, my voice carried away by gusts of wind.
Slouching slightly, I leaned forward and lowered my arm down into the whole to touch the casket.
"I love you forever and always Tilly. I'll come visit you everyday angel" I whispered to her, tears pricking at the edges of my eyes.
Hauling myself up, I began the steady slumber home to my apartment, in knowledge that there would never be another day where she would just appear at the window. The thought alone was enough to push the tears out of my eyes, so I just let go and cried.