Addiction (Jim x Tilly - The Basketball Diaries fic)

Chapter 36. The End...

—————Time skip: 1 year —————

Jim
I'm glad I finally got out of that vicious cycle. The one of drugs, come down, drugs, come down, and so on. Months one, two and three were unbearable.  I felt like giving up a few times, but I knew I couldn't. Everyone at AA were so nice to me. They were gentle and just understood me. Nobody had ever understood me before apart from Tilly. After a few sessions, a new guy called Mike joined. He was the same age as me. We quickly became friends. He's really been helping me through this journey, and I have been doing the same for him. My AA mentor - a tattooed man called Tom - got me through some real tough patches. I recently got my 1 year AA pledge badge. Basically a reward for being a whole year clean. I can now decide if I want to become a sponsor for others in the same position as I was a year ago. I opted in for this because of course I do. That's the whole point of this in the first place. Mike is the same as me. He chose to be a sponsor. His story is kind of similar to mine, but also a little different. He lost his boyfriend a few years back and couldn't cope so he turned to drugs. He became so addicted that he quickly overdosed. The hospital recommended this place, and it helped, just like with me.

I heard Paedro got locked up last year. I'm not surprised really. The state he was in the last time we ever saw him. I think Mickey's probably been thrown into jail now too. I haven't heard about him for months. I hope he's alive though. I'll most likely never see either of them ever again. It's sad, how you can have best friends that have been with you most of your life and then suddenly they disappear and you'll never see them again. I sometimes wonder how they're both getting on.

So much but so little has changed in a year.
You know, I still miss Tilly everyday. I still miss the smell of her hair and the scent of her perfume. I miss looking into her ocean blue eyes and getting lost in them. I miss holding her and loving her. My hands miss the touch of her feather-like skin against mine and my lips miss her sugary mouth. It became slightly easier over a year, but I still visit her grave every single day. I still talk to her, clean around her and make sure she's well looked after. After all, she did that for me so much. I still love her to pieces. My heart will forever be entirely full of her. I don't think I'll ever love another human the same way I loved my beautiful angel.

December 23rd
Today is my final day as an AA sponsor. As much as I love helping others with the same issues I struggled with, I feel like I need to leave behind this part of my life and move forward. I need to leave room for more exciting adventures.

I look up into the mirror, adjusting my tie. My hair is slicked back and my face clean shaven. I look smart. The past year I spent cleaning up myself, and it payed off. I do a quick once over, grinning at myself in the mirror before moving over to the window and sliding it open. I glance up at the sky to see snow falling. Sadness fills my heart up momentarily, thinking to myself how I wish Tilly was here to see it too.
"This speech today is for you gorgeous" I direct my voice towards the sky, hoping Tilly can hear me wherever she is.

I lean against the railing, looking over onto the street where snow is beginning to collect on the floor as a slow tear rolls down my cheek. I quickly swipe it away as Mom walks into the room and speaks.
"Time to go. Last one today. How you feeling Jimbo?" I shrug my shoulders in response and I hear her footsteps approach behind me.
"She'll love the speech, I promise" she comforts me, leaning over the balcony too.
"See, it's snowing. Makes it even more magical doesn't it" she spoke softly as my eyes welled up. I nodded carefully as she rubbed my back.
"I'm really proud of you my boy"
My eyes can't hold it any longer. The dam opens. Floods of tears soak my cheeks as I turn to her and fall into her arms.
"Thank you Mom" I choke out, shoulders rising and falling.

We stay like that, Mom catching my tears, for five minutes until she announces we really have to go. I wipe my eyes with some tissues before making my way to the car. We're silent on the drive there, apart from a quiet Christmas melody playing on the radio. I glance up at the sky once again, thinking of Tilly. The thought of her makes me smile.