Addiction (Jim x Tilly - The Basketball Diaries fic)

Chapter 6. The morning after

Tilly
My head pounded, and the sense of euphoria I felt last night was long gone - easily replaced by sadness. I grimaced at how badly my head hurt. Coming to my senses of what happened the night before, I could still vividly remember it. Taking my last drag before Jim climbed through the window, comforting holding me tightly as I sobbed into his t-shirt. I felt a flush of embarrassment for letting myself break in front of him. The details of what I said to him and how he replied we're still a little hazy, hence I couldn't quite remember if he was mad at me or not. I lay there for a few more minutes before deciding to turn around. Right in front of me was a sleeping Jim. 'How did he end up here? Did he stay the night? He didn't need to do that! I was alright!' I thought. A confused expression settled across my face as I sat up, rubbing my eyes and yawning slightly. He must have sensed that I was awake; the next thing I knew was a small yawn and then "Morning sleeping beauty". There it was again - the sturdy morning voice that provided a sense of safeness. I turn round to him and gently smiled. He still had his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful and beautiful when he was still half asleep. My stomach arose with butterflies again as I studied him, taking in every single detail about him. There were no flaws at all, which made him even more perfect.

I heard my stomach rumble, and decided it was time for some breakfast. I climbed across Jim, almost stumbling a little, and placing my feet on the rock hard floor. As I came to my senses, the smell of weed flew towards me and hit me with a bang. I remembered how I felt last night, how happy and carefree I was. I knew that I had to do it again, perhaps with Jim and the boys this time. But before I talked to Jim about it, I needed something to eat. "Where are you going?" I heard his voice echo towards me. "Breakfast! You coming?" I answered. Jim agreed and slowly climbed out of bed. We made our way towards the door and into the kitchen, searching for some food. I opened the cupboard to see that we only had Cheerios left. "Are Cheerios okay?" I turned round to Jim and he nodded. He still looked half asleep, which was adorable. I knew that he certainly was not a morning person! I grabbed two bowls off of a shelf and emptied the rest of the packet into them, before grabbing the milk and adding it in. Being careful not to spill any, I walked over to Jim and gave him his bowl. I leaned against the counter as we ate, each spoonful filling me up a little more.

Silence. Complete silence. 'Shit. Is he mad? Does he never want to talk to me again? Shit shit shit', I felt my eyes start to tear up, but pushed them back. I couldn't let Jim see me at my weakest again. He noticed my discomfort and came and stood beside me, looking at me with warm eyes and smiling slightly, before looking back down at his cereal and starting the conversation. "So um Tilly... about last night", I worriedly looked up towards him. He must have seen the panic in my eyes, as he quickly said "I don't know if you heard me before you fell asleep. But i'm not mad. I just wish you had told me-" my face relaxed a little. I had heard that bit, so I spared him saying it over again. "Yeah I know. I heard. You wished I had told you so that I didn't hurt myself too badly doing it". Gleefully smiling, he chuckled a little and said "That's right!". He put his bowl down on the surface, before engulfing me in a big hug. I finished my last mouthful, putting the bowl down, and hugging him back. His arms were like an opening to happiness, keeping me safe from harm. This morning, he smelt of my bed and bits of weed. Even if it wasn't his usual smell, it was still a sense of comfort, and I felt happy within his grip. He gently stroked my hair as I snuggled in closer to him. The voices inside my head just kept on telling me that I should go for it, ask him out! I wish I could just do it, but I had no confidence at all. The world seemed to close in on us again, just like my dream, and I felt like I could stay here forever.

Carefully, he released me from his everlasting hug and was about to speak, when I got up the courage to ask him. "Jim..." I felt like my heart was going to explode at any second, my head still pounding with thoughts. "I need to do this again... please don't be mad at me for wanting to. But I felt the happiest I have ever felt in ages. I don't have to do it alone! I could do it with you and the boys!" my face dropped a little as I watched an unreadable expression settle across him. "I just don't want to be left out again..." I trailed off sadly. I couldn't quite tell what he was about to say. I backed down a little, apprehensively waiting for him to respond. Jim looked around, pondering on my words, before taking my hand in his and looking me dead in the eyes. My stomach twisted into knots and my mind raced with 'What if...' questions. "Alright" he softly smiled.

Jim
I really wasn't sure if this is what I wanted for Tilly. Like I had said before, I knew how badly it had messed me up, and once you're down in the big pit of addiction, it's extremely hard to pull yourself back out. But I couldn't let her feel left out again, she looked so hurt when she said the words. It truly broke me to see her so upset. I pondered on her words for a bit, and noticed her hesitation. 'This is what she really wants, and it could be fun for her. I'll be her guardian and look after her. I'll take care of her, yes that's what I'll do', I finished thinking and thought it not such a bad idea if I was with her all the time she was high. "Alright" I calmly said, although deep down, I was worried for her.

What did you think of the chapter?? I seriously was debating whether Tilly should ask him out at this point or not, but it felt too early in the story! So I'm sorry to disappoint :/ but let me know what you thought of this chapter! Sorry it's a bit simple and boring oops!
xx