Addiction (Jim x Tilly - The Basketball Diaries fic)

Chapter 29. Mom help me🏥

Jim's mother

I knowingly broke many of the road law's getting to that hospital. Jim had called me from the hospital's pay phone around 20 minutes ago. His voice was something I'll never forget. The sheer panic and terror that ran through every word he said. "Tilly overdosed" was the first thing he said. I couldn't see him, but I could tell he was crying. His voice was breathy and broken into small segments. "Mom help me" was the next thing he cried. My heart hurt for him, like jabbing your thumb in a car door. My own eyes tearing up, I wasted no time in telling him "I'll be right there baby" in my motherly voice before darting out the door. I stopped off at Ms Anderson's on the way down, grabbing her hand, explaining everything to her as we ran to my car, unlocking it and clambering inside. Her face was frozen in shock the whole ride there. Not once did she speak. Fear, despair and dismay talked thousands of volumes through her eyes.

Slamming through the doors, we weaved in and out of guests strolling through the corridors of the hospital. Only momentarily stopping at the help desk to ask where Tilly was. Reaching the third floor, my eyes frantically scanned the waiting room for Jim. Tucked over in the corner by the water machine was a hung over figure. His shoulders were slumped, back curved. He had curled himself up into a little ball, arms around legs and head in his hands, and was rocking back and forth, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Ms Anderson marched over to Jim, towering over him. I followed in trail, quickly. She paused momentarily, before tears started wetting her cheeks.

"How could you let this happen?" she cried out, her voice so sodden and angry. I had never heard that voice before. It sent chills down my spine. I suddenly felt protective of Jim. She had no right blaming him. The poor boy already looked as if he wanted death itself to swallow him up whole. He doesn't need someone else blaming him, and as I know Jim, he will be blaming himself too. I feel for Tilly and her mother, I really do, but there's no reason to go blaming my son.

He raised his head. I saw how red his eyes were. His face was as pale as anything. Jesus Christ. Either he was still high on whatever Tilly overdosed on, or he had sobbed his heart out. I'm betting on the latter. The tears kept coming as he connected eyes with me, and then Ms Anderson. His pupils searched her for a moment. I could tell he was thinking about what to say next.

"Wasn't my fault" he mumbled.

"What? Wasn't your fault? Then how in the hell did she end up in the same place you were at just over a year ago? Go on. Explain that one Jim"

Jim flinched. I stuck my arm out in front of her as she turned my head to face me, her eyes wild and fierce as a tiger. Jim rose beside me, his shoulders still downturned.

"She was the one who wanted to buy the heroin, not me-"

"Heroin?!" Ms Anderson practically screeched.

"Yeah..." his voice dropped.

"Why were you even letting her touch that stuff? You saw what happened last year" she aimed the last bit at me. Fire rose inside of me.

"Let him finish what he has to say" I spoke firmly.

"I get you're torn up. But can't you see Jim is too? Can't you see he is basically turning himself inside out here! Now let the boy speak or so help me God-"

"Mom it fine"

"No it's not fine Jim-" I began, hardly having time to finish before Ms Anderson jumped in.

"Yes Jim, it's not fine. My daughter is in there. Could be dead. Could be alive. Now you better tell me what happened". Tears were mounting down onto the floor by this point, her voice crackling.

"That's what I was trying to do" Jim said under his breath.

"I tried to stop her from buying it but she wasn't listening to me. I thought, oh well what harm can it do? I did it plenty of times. I had experience with all this stuff. I even shot it for her so she wouldn't do it herself. I watched her closely and didn't let her out of my sight. I have no idea how this happened. It couldn't have been a bad batch because I didn't have a bad reaction to it like Tilly" his voice quietened at the end. I could see waterfalls starting up in his eyes. Still, he carried on.

"The only thing I can think of is that her body couldn't handle it after so long without shooting up or that the brown was too strong for her". He let the tears fall as he finished. I reached out, grabbing him by the shoulders and engulfing him in a hug. His arms clasped limply around my back. His shoulders jolted up and down as he sniffed and cried. I felt how thin he was again. I was starting to feel bad by this time. How hadn't I noticed he was using again? What kind of a bad mother was I? But this wasn't about Jim and I. Tilly was the one who overdosed, not Jim this time.

"Sorry so you're telling me you both used to shoot up even before this happened?" Ms Anderson's voice came from behind me. Jim pulled out of my embrace, fingers fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt.

"Yes..." he replied quietly. Ms Anderson's eyebrows rose in astonishment.

"I think you should sit down and tell me everything" she shot back. Jim only nodded in agreement and I led them both to three of the waiting room seats. They were hard on my bum, but Ms Anderson nor Jim seemed to mind. Jim sat in between us both, shoulders still hung over his body, eyes to the ground. He sat there for what felt like hours telling us everything from start to end - when he started drugs, why Tilly started, everything that happened with the break-up and how difficult it was on the both of them, and then when they both started using again once they got back together. I sat there in shock, as did Ms Anderson, her eyes still practically on fire. We were both so oblivious that we had never noticed any of this happening around us. I vowed to be a better parent from now on.

"So uh yeah... please don't blame me for this. It might have started off as my fault. I'm the one who got her started on it. But this overdose wasn't my fault. I'm sorry..." he was cut off by Ms Anderson taking him in her arms. My eyes widened in surprise. This woman's mood swings were really giving me whiplash. I joined in on the hug, resting my head on Jim's shoulder, sighing. We sat there like that for five minutes, silently comforting each other. I rubbed both Jim and Ms Anderson's back. I loved Tilly, but I wasn't anywhere near as connected to her as these two were.

After some time, a doctor walked out of the room opposite from our seats and stood before us. He was dressed head to toe in blue. Jim's head rose once again, and he sat bolt upright. Ms Anderson sat forward on her seat. All our eyes glistening in hope.

"She's stable" he said.