Addiction (Jim x Tilly - The Basketball Diaries fic)

Chapter 20. A New Year, same feelings

Jim

Nearly a whole year had past since Tilly and I had called it off. The first few months had been unbearable, but the start of the New Year came with the refreshing knowledge that I could start again. Of course I still thought about her. I even saw her a few times, making her way out of the apartment to school like usual. She seemed better. Lately wearing more of a smile and a bounce in her step. I hadn't seen her looking like that in a while. I wondered if she thought about me at times. I decided I wanted to see her again. Not to be anything or do anything, but just to be her friend. I had been carrying around this sorrow of a dented piece of my heart. I missed her and those stupid jokes of hers she always told. I missed being her friend. How could 11 years of friendship be left behind over something that small. And how in the hell did it take me almost a year to realise that. Fucking hell.

I got dressed in a flash, barely stopping for some toast before darting out of the door.

"Uh where are you going young man?" Mom's voice called behind me. I wasn't used to her being there. She was so often at work now.

"Just... out somewhere!" I called back as I closed the door. I stood stock still, thinking. I couldn't remember what number her apartment was. I'd always climbed in through her window, I don't think I'd used her actual front door in years. I knew I couldn't climb in through the window now. How weird would that be. Not to mention, rude. My brain quickly calculated how she was two floors above me, so I should go to the apartment that was directly above me.

I started making my way up the winding staircase until I arrived at 303 - her place. I raised my hand to knock on the door just as it opened, revealing her Mom. I cursed silently. Quickly raising her head, she jumped.

"Oh, Jim!" she greeted. I put on my best smile.

"Hello Ms Anderson".

"I was just on my way out to work. It's lovely to see you. You haven't been around here in ages" the side of her mouth curved up knowingly. I chuckled slightly.

"Yes, well... I'm here to see Tilly" I responded instantaneously. Saying nothing more, she raised her head slightly before giving my arm a squeeze and moving past me.

"Doors open, let yourself in" she made her way down the stairs and disappeared out of sight as she rounded the corner.

I pushed open the squeaky door and made my way straight across the open lounge to her room. I hesitated slightly before bringing my fist down to three soft knocks.

"I thought you left for wo-" and there she was. Her gentle soul standing right in front of me, wide-eyed and surprised. I smiled fondly. Maybe I had never gotten over this girl, no matter how hard I persuaded myself that I had. No amount of drugs could numb the thought at the back of my brain that maybe I still loved her. Tilly Anderson. My girl.

"Jim..." she quietly hesitated, snapping me out of the daydream I was currently in.

"I... uh" I stammered. Shit, why hadn't I thought of what I was going to say to her once I got here. There I was, standing looking like a total druggie loser in front of this magical angel. If anyone could see us right now, they'd think I was totally out of my goddamn mind. I probably was, to be fair.

She crossed her arms, leaning her side against the door frame. God she looked even more beautiful than before. That once brown, now wavy sandy blonde hair, cascaded over her shoulders and down to her waist. Diamond blue eyes burned into me, her perfect ski-slope nose accentuating her features. And then there, right in the corner of her mouth, those perfect dimples I always kissed. I so badly wanted to reach out and touch them softly with the tips of my fingers. Tears welled up in my eyes, pushing roughly against my eyeballs. I just wanted her back. Even if it was just friendship. I missed her so damn much.