Addiction (Jim x Tilly - The Basketball Diaries fic)

Chapter 19. Christmas🎄

Jim

It was like a breath of fresh air. That first hit after so many months without it. My head swam and spun, the world tipped. I was coming up. God how I had missed this feeling. How I managed to stay sober for so long bewildered me.

"Shit" I laughed as I grabbed ahold of Mickey's arm to steady me. That guy was already high as a kite, so not a very good stabilizer. Mickey let out a low laugh.

"Good eh?" he questioned.

"Ohhh yeah so fucking good" I replied, gazing wistfully into the night sky above me. The city air nipped me like cold icicles. It was now December. 3 months since Tilly and I called it quits. I knew I couldn't hold off any longer. I stayed sober with her, and even afterwards when I felt so heavily depressed. But she wasn't here now and I was no longer with her, so what would it matter if I shot some heroin again. 'I missed this' I thought to myself as little flurries of soft white snowflakes began to fall. I held my shaking hand out, grabbing it with the other in an attempt to steady it. I watched as the small amounts of snow hit my hand, soaking into the palm, gracefully. Being high did strange things to me. I always found myself being so fascinated by miniature things that would not normally catch my attention. I glanced up the sky, falling round in circles, feeling so euphoric.

"I'm so happy" I murmured under my breath. I forgot how blissful the world felt on heroin. However, the months after my overdose, Tilly was my own personal drug. It was like a shot of her flew right into my veins. I missed being high with that girl. But whatever.

"Yo" a voice came, snapping me out of my thoughts. My head snapped round to see Mickey watching me, his eyes bloodshot.

"What you want?" I stammered over to him. The effects were really hitting me now. After months of being clean, perhaps heroin wasn't the first best choice. I wasn't going to blackout or overdose though. I felt on top of the world and nothing could stop that.

"If you like this so much, there's this guy a few blocks away that we can score from." There's desperation written in his voice, I thought. He was having just as good a high as me. I could sense that. He wanted some more just as badly as I did, and I knew the comedown wouldn't be easy, so perhaps we could just slowly comedown by shooting a bit more. In response, I nodded my head, grinning wildly.

"Let's go then, dickhead". Mickey got me in a headlock and ruffled the top of my head with his fist.

"I missed this Jim!" he shouted out, so loudly that I broke away from him to cover my ears. Everything sounded as loud as gunshots.

"Shhh" I laughed, manly, punching him in the side of the arm as we began making our way down to the dealer. Once again, coldness fell upon my bones, making my teeth chatter loudly. The honks and busyness of the weighed down my body. But as we walked, I felt my skin grow warm thanks to my adrenaline. Everything in the world was as perfect as could be right now. Even my heart beat at such a speed, which probably wasn't good, but I loved it, knowing that I was filled with freedom.

-----Time skip: Christmas-----

Tilly

Christmas. My favourite time of the year. Everyone got together, leaving the alone feeling deserted. The teacher's in school had even decorated their classrooms, leaving them looking a little less shitty than before. I wondered what all their families would be doing at Christmas. A slight sadness fell over me every year at this time. I knew that there would always be children and adults out there not celebrating, or who couldn't celebrate. It made my heart feel heavy knowing that I could afford to have a beautiful Christmas, whereas millions of others couldn't. Every year, when school ended a few days before the 25th, I made it my mission to make it round the city to go and wish a Merry Christmas to as many people as possible, in hopes that it might brighten up this tragically wonderful month.

This year, I walked round the city in the biting snow at 2am in the morning of Christmas Day. I would be back in time for 8am. I loved visiting the Rockefeller Centre Christmas Tree when it wouldn't be crowded. Just me, the tree, my thoughts and this magical feeling that Christmas always brought. I walked up to the ginormous tree, perching myself on a small bench in front of it. Around me shone thousands upon thousands of tiny little lights. Each one serving a purpose of decorating the angels and bushes that surrounded my body. Feeling a cold chill run through me, I shivered, instinctively pulling my woolen hat down and scarf up further to keep the warmth of my body in. Whilst watching the tree, happiness filling my soul, my thoughts couldn't help but think about Jim. About where he was, and whether he was safe.

Just at that moment, two boys staggered past behind the tree. One in particular catching my eye. They looked high as anything, gripping onto each other as they hurried through the street. 'How peculiar' I thought to myself. I recognised both of them, but couldn't picture who they might be as I couldn't quite see their faces, and both their heads were covered with hoods. They're probably boys from school. Watching how they were acting, I hoped they had somewhere safe to go home to tonight. I glanced back at them as they rounded a corner, my attention returning back to the beautifully angelic tree. Closing my eyes and letting my mind flow, I began praying. I whispered gratitude for my life and family. I prayed for world peace and the millions of people struggling at this time of year. I prayed that someday, I would find infinite happiness.

I sat there until a clock chimed four times in the distance somewhere, letting me know it was 4am. Time to go home. I knew I had spent my time wisely. I gathered my thoughts and turned, slowly glancing back at the place where I had spent some of my Christmas morning, before making my way back home.

I awoke four hours later in my cosy bed to the sound of Mom.

"Merry Christmas my baby" she whispered, rubbing my arm, watching me with love. I always felt a warm happiness when she woke me up like this.

"Merry Christmas Mom" I sat up, throwing my arms around her, smiling. Life recently had been feeling so good. I was off drugs completely, I rarely ever saw Jim - he didn't consume my mind like he used to anymore - I never really met up with Mickey or Paedro now. I knew they were a bad influence to me. The world had just been generally feeling a lot cleaner, my mind a whole lot clearer. My eyes began soaking with tears as I choked back sobs.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Mom began rubbing my back. My smile just grew wider.

"Nothing" I slightly laughed.

"I'm just happy, that's all" I melted into her arms, my head falling to her shoulders.

"I'm so glad. I'm so glad that you're happy again" Mom sighed with relief and adoration.

"I'm just going to get breakfast going, so be ready in 10!" she galloped out of the room. Seeing Mom happy too was an unusual occurrence, especially as Dad and her weren't together anymore. I smiled to myself, climbing out of bed and bounding out of my room to the freshly decorated kitchen and living room. Various coloured tinsel hung itself around the room two conjoined rooms, glimmering fairy lights pulling my attention to a large Christmas tree standing in the corner of the room next to the bookshelf. Presents of all sizes decorated themselves around the bottom of the tree, standing out proudly. We had never done Christmas quite like this before, and I was excited. I just knew the whole day was going to be magical.

The day flew by like a rollercoaster. So much laughter rang out from the apartment, set on fire with the love in our souls that day. My heart, for the first time in 3 months, felt complete. Life was starting to feel like how it should again.

I laid in bed that night, the twinkle of the lights on my balcony shining in through my window. I recounted the day and how joyful I felt. My body warmed as I pulled the covers up towards my chin, turning on my side and snuggling down to a muffled classical record Mom was playing in the room next to mine.

"Goodnight world" I sighed merrily, closing my eyes, my head sinking more and more into the pillow as I fell into a peaceful sleep.