Thank You

Name

"I hope I didn't make you wait for too long, darling. These people were waiting just outside, I had to talk to them for a while, but I felt terrible knowing you..."

"Catherine Elise Blanchett. Playwright," I suddenly cut her off.

I am not facing her, still sat in the red velvet chair, staring at the empty stage, but I still can feel her surprise, characterized by her silence and the one surrounding her. I have to admit I am myself quite amazed by my bluntness, considering the mutism that kept me from talking to her just a few hours ago. The seconds of silence feel like hours - days even - but she finally breaks them as I hear her footsteps approaching me. I can't help but shiver when I feel her hand brush on my shoulder as she passes me and sits in this chair - the one that had been empty for far too long. She slowly takes her hand off me, makes her slender fingers linger on my arm as she does so, and takes my hand between hers instead.

Suddenly my body feels as if it was electrocuted. Small shocks from head to toe, but strangely it doesn't hurt - or at least not as much as having her far away from me. The sparkly feeling running through my veins isn't one I have never felt, but around her, it seems to be different. The sensation is awfully weird, but I wouldn't want it to stop anyway. The feelings inside me ease the pain of the shocks, and that's what I wouldn't give up for anything in the world.

"Oh please, I'm just Cate for you, darling," she almost whispers, with a small smile on her lips betrayed by the guilt shining in her ocean eyes.

I don't answer, refusing to let the mask fall and offering myself to her as a toy she could easily deceive, play with and throw away. I want to know why she hasn't told me a thing, and she's aware of it, so let it happen this way ; I won't talk before she does. It may sound a bit extreme as she wasn't obligated to tell me everything about her, but after what I felt when she left me for what I thought was such a long time, I need to know whether I can trust her.

"Darling... I've never meant to lie to you, and as far as I know, I don't think I have," she starts after a small pause, reflecting on how to talk to me, "The truth is, as I passed through many cities, and met many people over the years, I've come to the realization that people's behavior tends to change quite a lot when they learn more about me ; would it only be my name, or my career and so on. When I met you, it was like a pure ray of light. You were the first person I'd ever truly talked to here - even if it mostly was a one-way conversation - I was able to talk, and you listened to me, however silly the things I could've said were. Talking about my son... Besides, you didn't know me, and I felt like keeping it that way so that your image of me wouldn't be altered by the one the public has of me. Not that I am famous, no, but critics still do exist, and from the moment they start saying nice things about you, your name isn't totally unknown anymore. I wanted to remain the theatre lady for you, as long as I possibly could, but I'm afraid I knew it wouldn't last, and that you probably would end up hating me for this."

"Don't be silly, I don't hate you."

If she knew what kinds of feelings spread in my body - making my heart burst every time she breathed - she could never even think of these words. How silly. How could I ever hate her ? How could I ? How could anybody ?

She warmly smiles and tightens her grasp around my hand. She's warm and soft, just like a dream. My dream. She starts massaging my fingers softly, directing her gaze to them, her lips still still curved into a small smile.

"This is not being silly. You will get tired of me, I'm sure. And... shhhh... Don't say anything. People leave. That's the way things are," she states, lifting her eyes to look at me, "So... You've got to be grateful for the good things you have in your life. Otherwise, you'll die. A single thank you can save a life."

The sense of this escapes my mind as she slowly deviates from our initial conversation. I can't help but wonder what these few sentences have to do with what I silently asked her and what she's just told me about. Her eyes are wandering over the stage, but I know she's not looking. I know the look and the feeling ; my mom tells me too much about it when she sees it on me. She's lost. How could a woman like her be lost ? Her level of accomplishment in life is unusually high ; succeeding in such an industry isn't a piece of cake. Moreover, she has love in her pocket, a family to count on. I never would've guessed she could look fragile, and in some strange way she doesn't appear to be, but I know what is hidden under that shell for I am hiding my burden the same way. I don't want to know about her secret, but I do know I will.

"You didn't even tell me your name..." I whisper, as if out of breath ; my voice seeming to get lost in the open space in front of us.

My few words draw her back from the deep space she was floating in, and the few cracks in her carapace that allowed me to see within her a little more are sealed back again, and all I can see is the strong and magnificent figure Cate is.

Cate. The name I've been waiting for too long to know about. The name I've been dreaming about without even knowing it. The name that has been haunting me by its absence in my mind. Cate. The most beautiful word I have ever heard.

"I just wanted to be mysterious only to you. I thought you would write your own story for me, and not look for another one because of my name and what goes with it."

The words fly right past my ears without entering my brain.

"You didn't tell me your name..."

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idek what this is like i'm writing in the dark, sorry if there's too many typos or nonsense in this literally i'm the worst byeee