Thank You

Violence

Every thought, every inch of darkness, everything that she made disappear just a minute ago hits me back again like a tornado. A wave of terror, of sadness full of too many memories. They burn harder now. The cruel pain of reality coming back to me after a brief moment of happiness. Or was it only euphoria ? The threatening blackness I can see surrounding me is destroying me, biting little bits of my sanity each second that passes. My thoughts are nothing but a crazy swirl of senseless words and sentences mixing up with pieces of images rising from my memory. They're bad dreams, nightmares flashing in front of my eyes while I struggle to recognize what is real, whether I am still awake or just dying slowly in this small cupboard. The loud thud that brought life to our fantasies now resonates inside my head, ever so loud, like a ticking bomb about to go off and blow up every last picture painting the happy moments that I could keep bottled up.

I am separated from an actual reality, the present moment : me being blocked, sitting down in a small hole in the wall, hearing bits and pieces of what is happening outside. A louder yell wakes me up. The dark thought flooding back inside my brain remain like a floating mist above me, but things appear clearer, however black my surroundings seem. Two voices, fighting each other, and without heating or understanding a word, it feels like invading the privacy of a couple, of a home. The man's voice is growling, loud, threatening, and the look of terror in Cate's eyes comes back to mind immediately. He towers the smaller voice, hers. A sound I described myself a the most heavenly I have ever heard. She is not yelling like he is, but she sounds so different from when she talks to me. The warmth is all gone, the confidence as well, leaving one trying to appear strong, fearless, without truly succeeding to repress the doubt and the trembling caused by fear.

Everything, all of it sounds like a parallel, unknown world, nothing that incorporates the woman you share such a special bond with. The noises sound so far away, distant and bleak. The violence shock and fear doesn't feel familiar, and for a minute I wonder if I haven't actually fallen asleep, because she could not be that cowering voice. The chaos, the banging just next door is louder and louder, until it is right next to me while still sounding like it is coming from a thousand miles away.

"It is just me, Andrew. I wanted a hot drink after being in the cold, and I didn't want to wake you... Andrew... And..."

The female voice, cold and unfamiliar now, even being the one you worshipped is cut off by a banging noise, and a small yelp of pain. The walls seem to shake ever so slightly.

"I know what you're up to. Don't you ever think I can't read right through you !"

"Andrew, stop, you'll wake..."

The sound of a something being thrown in the room echoes, and I make myself even smaller in the cupboard only covered by a dirty curtain. I can hear heavy steps in the room, and after what feels like forever, the silence is broken by dishes shattering somewhere on the ground or on one of the four walls.

'I know what you were up to," the male voice repeats, seeming even more infuriated, "I don't need any evidence."

"Andrew, no, I was just..."

The voices fade away as both individuals step away from the small room I am hiding in, and I allow myself to exhale again, only now realizing I was holding my breath the whole time. The silence left around me is even more nerve-wracking than the chaos reigning next to me just moments before. I don't know if my brain shut down all noises around me or if they are being way too quiet to be safe. For too long, her words stick to me. You've got to be grateful for the good things you have in life. Otherwise, you'll die. A single thank you can save a life. Is this it ? Weren't the good things enough ? Did I thank her ? Was I unable to save her ? How could I ? Worthless and useless as I am. Weak and fragile, unable to get more than a word out to almost every person on earth. How could I ever save her ? Her monsters tower mine now, I can see it. I am not enough. How could I ever be ?

"Mum ?"

The clear, crystalline, child voice cuts short to my train of thought. The two voices come back. I don't know if I stopped hearing them for a while or if they really were gone, but suddenly, she's alive again. I can hear her. I can feel her. A single teardrop rolls down my left cheek, and I close my eyes. They can only open again after I hear the noise of a piece of furniture moved and see the dim light from the hallway open curtain. Here she is, standing tall in the shadow, but not nearly as strong and enigmatic as she was before.

She gives me a hand that I gratefully seize to help me back on my feet, and as we step into the light, I can see her face. I can see her. Her without the mask. Without the facade. Her bottom lip is busted, and anybody could see the beginning of a black eye. Her turtleneck is torn in the middle, and letting go of you softly, she buttons her pants up again, turning her back on me. She is nothing like the woman I saw in the theatre. She's closer to the version of her I saw that night, under the streetlamp. She's that version, but even more damaged. She cannot hide this kind of damage. Not even in her eyes. The terror hasn't yet faded, but the warmth is creeping back as she lays her gaze on me. I know better than to speak, but she's a better reader than I have ever been, and she just smiles at me.

"He didn't have the time to do anything. One of my angels came to the rescue."

She sighs in a joyless chuckle and grabs the biggest piece of the broken mug on the floor, dropping it in the old sink on which she finds support, her head low and her back still facing me. It isn't long before she lets go of the side of the counter and turns back to me with a smile gathering every last bit of warmth she has in herself.

"I'll drive you back home now."

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i actually have been quite productive today, so i have another chapter ready to post. i guess that's my apology for what you just read. if you know me, you know that no happy moment lasts forever, so there it is.
i also do realize that everything is happening very quickly since they have actually met less than a week before this, but i thought, if i can't have love at first sight, why not write it ? and it is a fictional reality anyway, so it wouldn't even matter so much
i hope you're enjoying the writing of the story is a bit too heavy for your liking