Thank You

Plan

"I'm out, mom !"

"Where to ?"

"Ash's place, I think. We might go into town later, though."

"Okay."

This familiar look of concern mixed with this tinted sadness is all over her face. Maybe – deep down – she knows.

"Don't come home too late, okay ?"

"I'll text you if I sleep over at Ash's."

And without a look back at her, I swiftly slip out of the house. Fresh air fills my lungs, washing out the remains of guilt in my body. I have lied before. I have lied before ; it shouldn't be so hard to do it again.

But my heart beats fast as I walk down the street, and the blood rushes through my veins like an angry flood of rage, guilt, fear and anticipation. You better come back alive. I will, won't I ? But small bits and pieces of my friend's voice ring inside my brain, ringing louder and louder every second. It isn't that dangerous, is it ? He only slapped me. A blow is much easier to conceal than a kill. But the thought of death dances around in my mind. What if it is the last time I ever see this street ? What if it is the last time I ever see my house ? My mother ? What if these are my last few breaths ? My last hours on Earth ?

These same thought echo in my head while I step on the bus, dropping my body on the first seat available. My vision is blurred, my legs are jelly, and all I want is to sit down. I might not make it, but if I can save her – or try to, at least – it will be worth it, right ? Will it be worth it ? Won't it bring hell upon her as soon as my cold dead body hits the ground ? Is this all nothing but a mistake ? But what can I do but try ? I would die either way ; knowing I could have tried to save her.

Each step I take is mechanic, and before I know it, I am standing just across the street from the theater I am hoping to meet her in. And she's here. Nowhere close to the glowing woman she was when she was with me. The covers – makeup and shiny outfits – cannot fool me. Her eyes are everything but bright, and each smile she addresses looks cold and calculated. And he is here too. The sight of him holding her waist, his touch on her perfect self, is absolutely sickening.

This horrifying image makes a wave of blind rage rise in me, and before I know it, I am following the couple inside of the theatre. I just need one moment. One moment alone with her. But they both walk through that very same door she led me through on Christmas night – my hand in hers.

I wish I could melt into the column I am leaning against. She didn't see me. She didn't wait for me. But I will wait for her. I will wait forever if I have to. And the world becomes blurry again. It moves around me, but I feel pushed out of it. Nothing interacts with me. It is just as if I was floating above it. Untouchable. Unable to speak. Or move. Or think.

That until I see her walk through the hall. Her blond waves are flying around her beautiful face. An angel. I only need half a second to snap out of my trance and speed up to follow her into the bathroom she just walked in. I push the heavy door swiftly and close it even more quickly, locking it behind me before neither of us has the time to speak a word or even to look into each other's eyes. But when we do, it feels as though all the invisible weight making it impossible to live has been lifted off my shoulders in a second.

"Diana."

I can read surprise, worry, fear, relief and love in her icy blue eyes. If she looks much more tired and much less happy, she doesn't look any less beautiful. Her pink lips are calling me. I just want to touch her, feel her, kiss her. But I don't get to.

"Don't get any closer. Please. I don't want him to smell you on me."

My heart tightens a bit in my chest.

"Oh, my darling... You should not have come here. If you could know just how much I want to hold you."

"It can't go on like this, Cate."

A sad smile appears on her lips, and it only make me want to kiss them even more, just to make it disappear.

"We have talked about this before. There is nothing to be done, darling."

"You can run away. We can run away. Together."

"Diana..."

"We can. I promise you, I... We just have to. We have to, Cate. We can go far away from this place, and we'll be happy."

"Diana, please..."

"I can come get you tonight, you get your kids ready, and we can just go."

"Diana, where ? Where do you want us to go ? There is no place where her could not find us."

"We can just take the car, and drive off to... It doesn't matter where ! We'll just drive and never come back."

"Diana, darling, it is not that easy..."

"Why shouldn't it be ?"

Her gaze drops to the floor.

"You know it as well as I do. You can't keep living like this. You have to escape. You have to try. So, I'll be there tonight. I'll come. I'll be there. I'll get him out the house, and you get in the car with the boys. I'll... I don't know... I'll slash the tires of his car. I'll make him late, and when you'll have the car ready, you will just have to drive closer to me, so I can jump in. Or maybe hit him with the car if you can."

"This is silly, Diana."

But she has a real smile on her lips now.

"But it's the only way we can get you out."

She doesn't  answer, and her eyes are still running from mine.

"I'll be there at nine. Nothing can stop me."

And with these words, I unlock the door and walk out of the theater.

I won't sleep at home tonight, mom. Love, Diana.

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this is kinda shitty but hopefully the next few chapters will be better