Thank You

Calls

my new story COLLECTING STARS is out now! well the first chapter is. it's a cate blanchett lesbian fic again just because, and i think i'm actually quite happy with the way it's turning out so it would mean a lot to me if you checked it out :)
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Promise.

My fingers tremble as I dial the number. The number I have dialed times and times again without actually calling. The fear hasn't left my body, but every feeling I have repressed for weeks is muffling the screaming voices in the back of my head. And the deafening tone is echoing in my ear. And my hands are shaking ; they might give up when I hear her voice. Or his.

"Good afternoon. Cate Blanchett office, this is Maria speaking. How may I help you ?"

The voice is unknown, and the moment it reaches me, it feels distant, unreal. It isn't her. It isn't him. But my heart does not stop pounding in my chest, and it hurts to stay standing. Her name in the voice of someone else feels wrong, but it is such a relief to hear it at all.

"Oh, er... Hi. I, hum... I'm Di... Er... I was calling Cate. Miss Blanchett."

"Mrs. Blanchett, yes ?"

My heart feels so heavy.

"Hum, yes. Yes, sorry."

I can't help but stutter. My voice is dying in my throat.

"Mrs. Blanchett is on maternity leave ; I have been instructed to receive all of her calls. Was there something in particular that you wanted to ask ?"

"Oh, right, er..."

Of course, she would not be there. Of course, he would have taken her out of the theatre. How could I be so stupid to think she would be in her office, still working ?

"I... I wanted to talk to her personally. So, hum... I'll just... find another way. Thank you."

"I can still leave her a message if it's important."

"No, er... No, I have to talk to her directly."

"Well, in that case, I cannot help you."

"Yes. Yes, er... Okay, sorry. Hum, thank you..."

I was a fool to think a simple phone call would work.

"Oh, hold on ! She is coming to the theatre the day after tomorrow. She wanted to be there for the auditions. You won't be able to get inside, but maybe you can catch her on her way in or out of the theatre. It starts at two in the afternoon."

My heart jumps ever so slightly in my chest. I still have a chance. I can reach her. It can work. I can get her out, save her. I can see her. There is a way. It isn't over.

"Oh... Oh ! Thank you very much, it... It really means a lot to me."

"I can hear that," the woman on the phone chuckles back, "It's a pleasure to help."

"Thank you... again. Er... bye."

"Goodbye, have a great day."

My phone drops on the ground, closely followed by my entire body collapsing. On my knees, my hands lying on both my thighs, I can't do anything but stare vaguely before me. It might not have happened the way I expected it, but it does not mean it won't work. I can still do something about this all. She can run away. She can flee. She can go far away so that he never finds her.

Of course, I know it is more than likely that he will be there the day after tomorrow. After all, he probably is the one who made her leave her beloved theatre. Even without knowing Cate thoroughly, it is not hard to notice that this theatre is like home to her. And when you do know her, it is a certainty to say that it is more a home to her than her own house. She would've never left it without a push. A push from Andrew.

And just like that, the clock starts ticking. An entire school day to go is a tragedy, and I avoid talking to Ash if I can. I do not avoid them, but if I can shorten the conversation we have, I am only happier. They know. They know the progress – if it can truly be called progress – I made over the weeks I spent with them was blown away the moment I laid eyes on Cate out there in the street four days ago. They know she is everything, that she has invaded my head again, and that there is no coming back. They know I am about to do something about it. And a fight is something that I want to avoid more than the actual talking with them. I don't want them to be mad. But I have to do it.

One hour before two, Saturday afternoon. And my phone keeps ringing. Always the same number, always the same face and always the same answer. None. Ash isn't getting me to stay home and be a coward when my only chance at talking to her might be just a few minutes away. But it does not stop ringing, and every time it stops and starts again, it feels louder than the last.

"Ash, stop calling, it's no use."

"You dumb fucking bitch."

My body freezes when I hear their words. Their voice is shaky. Shakier than I have ever heard it be. Shakier than it was when they told me all about the hell they were put through in high school. The tears making them choke ever so lightly are hearable, and my heart tightens a bit.

"Ash..."

"No. Shut up. Shut up. You don't get to fucking talk. Because I know you're going. Maybe today, I don't know, maybe later, I don't give a shit when, it's the fact that you're going that's..."

Their voice dies down in their throat. My heart feels so compressed it could burst.

"You're just fucking insane, y'know ? This is fucking dangerous ! That guy fucking hit you !"

"He hits her !"

"Well, yeah, so you go to him ? Fucking brilliant, man ! You're gonna kill yourself going back out there !"

"No, Ash..."

"Fuck, you're so fucking ignorant ! Shit like this ? It doesn't fucking end well ! It's a fucking novel story, this whole thing. There's always some damage."

"Damage has already been done, Ash. I have to..."

"You don't have to do shit ! You don't ! Did you forget how well you were doing these past few weeks ? It can just be like that again, man. C'mon..."

"No. No, I have to go to her."

"Fucking bitch."

I can hear their tears flowing out of their eyes now. I can tell. I know.

"I hate you. I hate that... Fuck, I hate that I love you so much already."

"I love you too, Ash. But I love her, too."

"I know. The fuck, I know. I know I can't fucking stop you, but I'd feel so fucking terrible for not tryin', y'know ?"

"I know, Ash. It's okay."

"No. No, it's not fucking okay. I should come to you now. Tie you to your fucking bed, I don't know, just... I shouldn't let you do this, for fuck's sake !"

"You're not really letting me do it. There's just nothing much you can do."

"I fucking hate it. Fuck, I hate her. I hate that you have to deal with her issues now. I just want you to be safe. You're the only friend I have. The only one that matters. I don't want to lose you, Diana. I don't want you gone."

"I know, Ash. And you know how much you mean to me, too."

"You better come back alive."

"I will try."

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i'm gonna put it back here but check my new story collecting stars! it's a cate blanchett lesbian fic because that's what i do.
also we're really getting close to the end of this one it's crazy