2 YEARS AGO

•~Chapter 14~•

(HARRY)
2 YEARS AGO

It'd been months since the day i had met Louis at Zayn's party and in those months so much had happened. I developed new habits. Habits that included Louis. Every time Zayn would explode, i'd land up in Louis' caring arms. Even sometimes when Zayn hadn't done anything to hurt me, i'd still find myself curling up on Louis' chest. He just attracted me even though i knew it was bad. I knew it would break Zayn. I just- i wanted to be with Lou.

Today was one of those days. I felt so lonely and depressed and the only person i found myself crawling to...was Louis. Luckily he was eighteen and lived alone in a cute flat, so whenever we 'met up', we didn't have to worry about getting caught.

The weather was cold today and as always, i ran to his house without thinking, without a jacket, without even brushing my hair. I just wanted him to hug me and make me feel safe again. I missed him. He did everything noone else had ever done for me. He loved me.

We sat splat on his couch, covered in blankets because it was really freezing. He had his legs wrapped around my waist. My head was buried in his chest and i had a smile plastered on because he made me happy. My curls were definately brushing his neck but i don't think he minded judging from the constant stroking of his fingers in my hair. It felt nice while i drew pointless shapes on his bare side. He's skin was so warm as it always was. Mine's always cold but i liked it because then i'd have an excuse to touch Lou.

He gently kissed my hair and then lowered his warm hands to my waist to pull me up so i could face him. I laughed a bit because it tickled and because he looked cute trying to hold me up. He's way smaller than me even though im the younger one. That fact always bothered me because he's the mature one and im always crying.

I could barely hear him call my name and if i wasn't so close, i wouldn't have.

"Hazza."

"Mhm," is all i could manage because i was so focused on his lips, his blue eyes and his fringe that slightly brushed his eyelashes.

"What are we?"

He had never asked me that before. We always kind of just knew what we were. Or did we? I just never questioned it because i'd have to come to terms with the obvious fact that we ... were wrong. If we admitted that then i'd loose him and that's the last thing i wanted.

So instead of answering in words, i decided to show him how much he really meant to me. I leaned in slightly just before looking up at him to make sure he wanted this as much as me. My eyes studied every inch of his face and then i placed my lips on his for a tender kiss. He kissed me back so lovingly, his fingers traced circles at the bottom of my back. After a few minutes of innocent, caring kisses Louis' mouth found its way to my neck and then back to my lips again. This time the kiss was more heightened. I kissed him hard while i laid on top of him and i still wanted more. My tongue begged for an entrance while small little whimpers escaped my throat. Lou finally gave in and gave me what i wanted.

After that, it was a total haze. I don't even remember how we landed up in his bed but that's where i woke up feeling more than pleassured. Lou was still asleep, lightly snoring. He looked absolutely beautiful and peaceful after we basically wrecked each other in the bed. I loved spending time with him, even if it was just sitting in comfortable silence but i also loved it when Lou decided to take things -else where-.

"Stop staring..."

"M'not staring."

He just laughed and instantly lifted himself up just to fall into my arms like a spoilt child. I chuckled at his silliness but i loved having him in my arms and i honestly never wanted to let him go.

"Lou, promise me that whatever this is, its forever."

"We'll find a way to make it work. It's forever angel."

"Say it again."

He giggled.

"It's forever angel."

Some how we found ourselves asleep again but only until Louis' phone rung and woke us both up. I was quite annoyed because i was dreaming of Lou and now i wasn't. He could see my pout so he kissed the crinkle between my brows before reaching for his phone, "just a second, angel."

"Hello."

His face had a bright smile on that turned into the most devastated expression i had ever seen. He mumbled a bunch of "its okay's" and "calm down's" before finally saying "Fiz, he can't be gone."

--

I couldn't recall anything that happened after we left Louis' house. The only thing i could feel was how sore my hot tears burned my cheeks. I know i prayed to whoever i thought was listening. I know i cried and screamed till my stomach hurt and my eyes became swollen. My knuckles turned white from gripping on the car door and all i wanted to do was open it and run to the hospital myself. I had to see him myself. I had to say goodbye. How could he just leave me without saying goodbye? How could i be such an idiot to love someone else and neglect him. This was all my fault and i wished it was me that was dead instead. I prayed for a miracle that could turn back time just so that i could say 'im sorry, i didn't mean to hurt you.'

I squashed the letter he had given Fiz before he died alone in a dark bathroom because i was too busy being selfish and self-centred. I screamed until i couldn't hear myself anymore.

"Make it stop! Please! Please! Make it stop...i just want it to stop. God please just kill me. Just...please,"

That's when Louis came to comfort me but it was all just too much to handle. I pushed him away and took back every promise i had ever made to him. Every vow that i loved him, i refused, because i was sure that our love was the cause of the darkness i felt inside. Little did i know, denying my feelings for him would just add to all the emptiness i felt.

--

Dear Harry
I dont mean to put any of this on you. The pain that i've been feeling and the demons that i've been fighting made me become something i never wanted. I pushed the people that i love away and i promise i love you but im so tired of living in a world that hates me. I know you found comfort in Louis and that's ok because im the one that didn't give you everything you deserve. I made you sad when all you ever did was take care of me. This way you won't be sad anymore.
~Zayn.

___°-°

This chapter was incredibly hard to write because i wanted it to be perfect but i didn't get that:( i gave up in the end.

I got my inspiration for this chapter from the song i added above:)