2 YEARS AGO

•~Chapter 15~•

(HARRY)
2 YEARS AGO

You know that kind of void that overflows your body just by thinking of all your mistakes and regrets. It consumes you and makes you believe that nothing you do is worth it. Everything you've ever believed kind of just fades away because it doesn't matter anymore. Why should it matter when you've thrown everyone and everything you love down the drain?

That's how i felt as i stared down at his stone cold head stone. I studied it closely, hoping that just maybe God would answer my prayers and put someone else's name on it. Someone like me, because i deserved to die. Not Zayn.

God didn't answer any of my pleads though. He decided on a much worse punishment which would be to keep me alive while my own mind rendered me worthless and tortured me internally. I felt awful.

REST IN PEACE
ZAYN MALIK
A LOVING SON, BROTHER, COUSIN AND FRIEND.

I hadn't cried since the day Louis got the call and we had to go to the hospital to view Zayn's body. All my emotions were taking over and all the tears were being blocked from coming out. That was until i finally visited his grave. Everything came out and i hated the feeling. I had missed his funeral a month ago because i was contemplating ending my life as well and also because i knew Fiz and Louis would be there. I couldn't face either of them. Not with the pricking guilt that flooded every part of me.

I regret not getting any chance to explain myself. Maybe if i had done that i wouldn't be at a cemetry trying to conjure up a goodbye to someone i only hope can hear me.

"Zayn i-"

"Im so sorry that you're in there and im not. If only i had fucking known, i wouldn't have hurt you. I loved you s- so much and ill never forgive myself for not seeing the signs. For acting like i was the only one that needed attention. I let you go when you needed me the most but I promise to keep our memories safe in my heart always. I'll never leave you again."

"Gemma and i are going to live in Manchester with my dad so i guess this is the last time i get to visit you, but i promise you'll always be with me. I also promise to change."

"The only reason you're not here is because im such an attention seeking screw up. I couldn't handle all the pressure and i blamed you for me not feeling loved when all you ever did was love me. From today i promise that will be different."

"I'll be different."

"Goodbye Zayn."

--

Now that i had finally said my apologies that were to no avail because it was by far too late, i decided to allow myself one last stab in the heart. In a day i'd be packing up and leaving for Manchester but i had to see Louis first. Even if i didn't talk to him, i had to first see his smile before i left.

When Fiz told me to come to the restaurant down town, where i'd find Louis, she seemed very uneasy. She even asked me to kindly not go and see him but i obviously didn't listen. Nor did i understand what the problem was until i saw Louis.

He definately had what i came looking for. He had his sunshine smile on that would bright up a night sky. He spoke with his beautifully high pitched, sqeaky voice and he sounded happy. He had his usual striped t-shirt and vans on that made him look so dorky and cute. The only thing he didn't have was a sparkly, ocean blue gaze that lingered around my face, or fingers that entangled my curls.

Instead, he was a cupping a girl's face in his palms that once held mine and he seemed so natural. The girl was grinning from ear to ear, it was clear he made her happy. How could i even be jealous of that when its all i ever wanted?

Only after minutes of watching him and her, i realised that i had tears trickling from my eyes. I quickly wiped them off and remembered why i came here. I wanted Louis to be happier. I wanted me to be happier. I needed to see that he was happy in order for me to walk away and never look back. I got exactly that...so ill go. I'll forget all the memories him and i shared because i promised Zayn i'd never let him go again. I'll lock away every 'i love you', every 'angel', anything and everything that brings me back home, i'll leave behind and i'll forget this moment ever happened

"Goodbye Louis."

___°-°

So now we know what happened 2 years ago and we also know why Harry changed so much.
This is also the last chapter we will get detailed events of Zayn and Harry's relationship. We can now focus on Louis and Harry😊❤