The Healer Who Needed Healing

The Gifts You Give

Kyler and I looked at each other and smiled, after Kyler walked in the room and I followed suit right behind him. He then puts his  stuff on the bed furthest from the window.  I put my stuff on my bed and I sat down. I watch his as he quietly walks over to the window and gazes out into the world. Thinking about many things, that was something we had in common, thinking a lot. It was perhaps a little too much for our own good. What a day. And now we can relax and actually take in what has happened and the fact that we actually ran away.
‘I still don’t think this is real. It feels like a dream. A very happy and peaceful dream that I hope I’ll never wake up from.’ He says calmly as he walks back over to his bed. I watch him  curiously as he looks at his guitar case then bends over to open it.
‘What are-’ I begin to quiz him  as he then walks over to his bag then I stop myself from finishing the question. He grabs a notebook and a pencil and sets it on the bed. I watch and raise my eyebrow trying to hint at what you are doing? He glances up at me and smiles.
‘I’m still trying to perfect the chords for a song. I figured I could do something to bring my heart rate down to a normal level.’ He explains smiling while getting his guitar out then sits on the bed. I sit there and watch as he quietly starts to pick at the strings. He sits there calmly humming to himself. Slowly, he starts opening up by singing the lyrics which made my heart rate climb higher and higher.

Say it to me now
Say it to me now
Let the words fall out
Let me hear the reasons fallin’ from your mouth
I can take it

    I smile as he continues to whisper the cords. I wished he would sing all the time, his  voice is absolutely gorgeous, but not all diamonds are harvested right away. He is the very best in my life and if it takes years for him to be confident in his voice then I can wait. More and more of the song continues to pour out of his  guitar and I realize he is actually singing for me, that is when my heart and my emotions begin to feel overwhelming to me. I don’t deserve to be sung to... But then here I am sitting on the edge of my bed drawn in by his  ability to play the guitar and sing. I can feel my heart beating so hard that it hurts, it felt good that someone found me worth singing to. I smile at him and I have a sudden urge to just tackle him and hug him but I stay put.

The world will keep on spinning
And I'll keep missing you
Say it to me now
Say it to me now
Let the words fall out
Let me hear the reasons fallin’ from your mouth
I can take it

    He thumbs the last few notes of the song and I finally let myself get up and he sets his  guitar to the side and I lightly tackle him being careful not to hurt his shoulder or bounce his  guitar off the bed. We lay back on the bed both of us exhausted from todays’ activities. In the moment where he and I were hugging each other was the place I wanted to be and I couldn’t be happier. I want to tell him that he is everything to me and he is enough for me. He helps complete me and makes me feel safe in both his presence and embrace. There are so many things I want to tell him yet there won’t be enough time or words for me to explain it all to he. Just tell him right now!
    ‘Kyler?’ I suddenly ask, trembling.
    ‘Yes?’ He responds looking down at me.
    ‘I-. Kyler I wanted to tell you that you are enough for me. I expect a lot from everyone because I set high standards for myself but I want you to know that you’re worth more than diamonds, gold, or the nicest car. I don’t care what problems you have or what you have done in the past because you’ve earned a place in my home where I would do anything for you and I love you unconditionally. I -, you’re my person. I just want to protect, cuddle, and love you no matter what. I guess what I am trying to tell you is that I really like you. I know we say we love each other a lot and we say it as friends but I don't want to be just friends anymore. I want to be your girl, not just your friend...’ Damn that came out a lot better than I thought… But what if Kirk is right… No one is actually going to love me legitimately. And I am never going to find somewhere to finally be at peace with.
    Kyler sits there for a second or two. ‘I’m not really sure what to say to that.’ he says through a smile. He arches his  eyebrows as a little chuckle escapes him while trying to find an answer. ‘Thank you Octavia,’ he says, breaking the silence that was growing between us. ‘Just so you know I’ll always be your person. I don’t care what happens in the future just as long as you know now that nothing can ever break the bond we’ve created. I don’t know how else to tell you that I really like you too other than this.’ He begins to smile and leans in and lightly kisses me. He pulls back then sits up while pulling me up with him. I was shocked and when we made eye contact we then smiled at each other. He slowly puts his arm around me and pulls me closer to him then kisses my head. I can feel his heart beating out of his chest. ‘Just so you know I see a beautiful sunrise in your eyes. There’s no limit in the sky that I wouldn’t fly for you.’ He smiles and lightly tightens the hug then releases. I start to smile with my heart beating out of my chest. Before he gets up to leave I grab his shirt and pull him to me so I can kiss him again as if to say all the words I couldn’t say. I forgot how nice a soft kiss feels, I hope it's him I can kiss for the rest of my life. The kiss parts and he looks at me with those eyes and that smile making me feel all fuzzy, “I am going to go take a shower.”
“Okay,” As he leaves I lay on my back, not sure what to do now other than to roll over and grab my notebook. The shower starts and I begin to jot down the things that made me smile today.

November 27th 2019
    Everything literally made me smile today. Even though at times I cried my eyes out or I was so angry at Kirk. There is no other place I would rather be right now and I don’t know if I want to go home. Though I know I need to go home to make things right, I will be honest I am not going to worry about going home until the day we head back. Gosh! And he actually likes me back, he even kissed me. Dang I didn’t think I missed that feeling a kiss gives you but I did miss it. I am a little scared to be with him. Not that he knows me a little deeper but I think I can trust him. I trust him with everything else. What should I be worried about?
   
I was too happy to write anything else so I closed my book and put it back in my bag. I pulled my hair out of the pony tail it was in and shook my head to allow the golden curls to be free. The shower was still going so I decided to get changed while Kyler was in the bathroom. I look over to the clock at 10:00 p.m. I wasn’t surprised by the time I just felt it was much later than just ten o’clock. I smiled to myself and moved my stuff to the floor then lay back on the bed. Be careful with this one. He could be like everyone else in your life, pretends to be there for you and love you but leaves you in the end just because.