The Healer Who Needed Healing

The Golden Ocean Ahead

When I wake up, I smile at Kyler who is studying my every move. I don’t want to get up from looking into the calm ocean of his eyes. I couldn’t describe it but his eyes are always drawing me in then pushing me back out onto the land where I belong. Then when he smiles it is like I am enjoying the warm sun on a beautiful summer day in the mountains. But right now, he was looking at me and smiling, creating me to feel like I am enjoying a beautiful summer day in the woods. The beauty of this day consisted of a light sprinkle of rain; which, cools you off without the worry of getting sick. I finally want to have the guts to tell him everything that I am feeling right at this moment.

    ‘Kyler-.’ he shushed me kindly by putting his finger gently on my lips then whispers…

    ‘Octavia, I love these moments with you where I get to just look into your eyes and relax. Then when I have you curled up close to me, it makes me feel like I am doing something right for once in my life. Along with someone actually wanting my hugs and affection when others turned it down making my heart break. More specifically my parents who taught me that touch was supposed to hurt and be harmful. But you taught me it’s supposed to be gentle, kind, and have a sense of respect to them. I am sorry I interrupted but I want to say that to you before you go and make me unable to grasp my words.’ I will admit that something about what he said hit me and made me feel warm and fluffy. Not sure what to say, I then kiss Kyler tightly making me feel fuzzy again.  

    When I pull away from the kiss I begin to say, ‘I literally don’t know what to say Kyler. I guess I could say your welcome and I am glad that I can calm you down like that, because honestly you do that for me. Even though I don’t express it that often it really does calm me down. I will be honest, when you look me in the eyes and smile I feel like I am dancing in the rain or riding my horse through the pasture at full speed where I am free and laughing as the wind blows past me. It’s weird how I use metaphors and stuff but that is the way I explain my feelings because my soul is colorful.’ I shake my head then laugh at how I admitted that to him. ‘I know at times I hesitate to hug you and I want you to know it is never you who makes me hesitate. It was the mean and trashy friends and that guy who in my past, made me feel like I am too touchy and would shrug me off or punch me because I hugged them.’ I look back up to his kind eyes and I smile just a little bit and realize this has been the longest hug we’ve been in since the homecoming dance. I want to continue but the walls that I broke a hole into and built a door for Kyler are trying to lock him out of the inside. ‘I won’t try to explain myself anymore because-.’

    ‘Wait, why? We can sit here forever. I really don’t mind. Besides it is 5:30 right now and I want to listen to you talk. I like your voice.’ he has a small smile come on his face which makes me feel reassured so I continue.

    ‘Okay…’ I begin to think about what else to tell him then begin talking again, ‘I want you to know that I really enjoy the time I get to spend with you because you can make me laugh like no other, I don’t know, like I said yesterday I really like you. I like to just spend time with you and be with you. We do something great, we don’t I don’t mind I like the time I get to be with you.’ I covered my face before he could see how red my face was from embarrassment. I actually said it… Wow, I don’t know how he is going to react but honestly this- I don’t even know what to do. he rests his head on top of mine and says,

    ‘I love spending time with you too Octavia, you don’t need to be embarrassed, honestly… ah, nevermind, it’s stupid.’ his sentence drifts off and I uncover my face and wrap my arms around him. He then takes a deep breath as if he wasn’t expecting us to get as close as we were.

    ‘I am sorry, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable with our closeness. If you don’t like it’s fine just tell me. ’ I don’t know what else to say other than to be quiet and let the time we have to sit in silence and enjoy each other's company. Between the time I ended my last words to him and his deep, calm, and rhythmic breaths he and I fell asleep. Then, as if it were a blink of an eye I rolled over to see the alarm clock read 7 o’clock. There was sunshine coming in through the curtains and so I sat up then looked down at Kyler who looked so peaceful as he was still lightly sleeping. I swing my legs down to the floor and stand my hips and back pop as I walk to the bathroom to clean myself up for the day.  It’s weird how calm I am with Kyler when I used to feel this way with other people but the thing I have realized is that he makes me feel different from any one else. It’s like my other friends make me feel good and happy but it's weird. Kyler just makes my heart explode and when he hugs me when I want to cry or be extremely angry I just forget about those feelings. I can never tell him this and I could never explain it either.

    I am looking at myself in the mirror again and I smile this time when I see myself. Through all of the heartbreak that I have gone through to find this great friend in what I think I can finally say, boyfriend, that I have in Kyler it was by far the most incredible and most worth it journey. I breathe in and just say a small prayer that this day will be great if not better than yesterday, if I am being honest any day with Kyler is the best day. Though the days that my teammates are kind and more enjoyable to be around, those days are great too, yet they seem to be rare when Coach Werth puts a lot of pressure on us. I walked out of the bathroom and I paused not sure why but something was up, I couldn’t tell what but I looked around the corner and Kyler was still on the bed sleeping. I walk by the bed and he jumps up and goes rawr! 

I jump out of my skin and yell at him, ‘Oh my gosh! Gosh dang it Kyler! Friggin scared me half to death!’ I threw my clothes at him then started laughing because he was laughing at me. I hate it when I get spooked but this time it was fine because he made me laugh at myself in the process, which made it easier to relax and not worry about the rest of the day. Both of us are still laughing hysterically, I then grab my clothes from Kyler’s bed and walk over to make my bed, which is my daily routine. Kyler gets up to go to the bathroom and get dressed as I continue to make my bed and get myself ready for the day. My hair was down with the curly flow that I would have liked to say the waves of gold but that’s just me. I pull my hair out a little so it covers a little bit of my face then turn back to my notebook and backpack which was on the bed where I had left it. Kyler suddenly comes out of the bathroom with his clothes folded and packs them back into his bag and pulls his PV hat on. A smile sneaks onto my face when I get a goofy idea that includes stealing his hat. I look back down at my backpack and then in a fluid motion swings it onto my back. I look back up at his eyes and he is looking down at his bag looking sort of tense. I walk up to him, unsure of what he will do I hesitate to hug him. I finally sneak between him and the bed making myself a little uncomfortable, and put my arms around him. The tenseness I sensed in his body then relaxed and he wraps me up in his arms and he feels grateful and lovey when he does this. I want to ask if he is okay and if he wants to talk about the dream he had. There are so many things I would do right now for him but because I know he hates the coddling and fuss I don’t. To be honest I want to make sure he understands that everything will be okay and that I won’t allow anything bad to happen. I just won’t allow it. Not only that, I want him just for this one time with me, to be calm and not have to worry anymore. Though he is who he is, he will never stop worrying about me because he actually cares. He then grabs my hand and begins to walk to the door with me and so I take a deep breath and feel him relax again. I conclude my thoughts as he and I finally break the silence and make our choice to begin day two of our adventure and walk to the hotel room door to leave.