The Healer Who Needed Healing

Mac n Cheese for Breakfast

When I wake up Octavia is still sleeping next to me, with her arms around me tightly. I wonder if she was having a bad dream. She probably was probably fighting off those guys from her past life last night. Crap. Well that makes me feel better that I stayed by her side all night. I softly pick up a piece of her dirty blonde hair trying to not disturb Octavia with her sleep and twirl the strand in my fingers. As I twirl the piece of hair I think, she is so peaceful. I am so surprised she stayed honestly, I don’t expect anything from her but I am surprised that she just stayed through all of the things I’ve put her through. Especially with the violence in my life and the way that I have a hard time letting people touch me or be close to me. But now all I want is her hand to hold and for her to be the one that with me all the time. I know I am going into the military but I don’t care she’s all I want. I then put my arm underneath her ribcage and rest the other on top of her top side to pull her closer to me. Thump, thump, thump, ka thump, ka thump, her heart goes as I lean my head on her chest. Her heart rate was climbing as I listened quietly, then mine began to grow when she returned the hug.
    “How’d you sleep Kyler?” She then asks as she runs her hand through my hair.
    “Pretty soundly and you?” I then ask her knowing she struggled in her dreams last night.
“You know how I slept. My dream was just rough, you probably could tell but ya. I slept hard but had harsh dreams.”
    “Hmm, I could hear you talking and you jumped a little when I put my arms around you.”
    “Heh, sorry, what was I saying?”
    “Something about you needing to leave, then you saying something like you were sorry. Then you said please don’t go. Are you okay Octavia is all I ask.” As I spoke her heart was pounding and her hug growing tighter making it feel that she was scared of what happened in the dream.
    “Heh, the dream was about me walking in the woods with you. We set up camp and just sat there, the fire was dining and then I left to go get wood. You said, let me go with you and I said no, it's okay. Then I left and I grabbed some pieces of wood but then something came up behind me and slammed a log into the back of my head. I then wake up and I am sitting in a chair talking to some person. I get up and say I needed to leave and get back to you. The person was hard to identify but I just took off through the woods and when I got to our camp your truck was driving away and I was crying out please don’t go. Please. It was a really hard dream for me. I’m sorry Kyler if I hurt you last night because I did get into a fight during that dream.” I was going to be honest, I was worried about what she was going to say. I know she doesn’t like to share a lot of her dreams because they have things in them that she just doesn’t like to talk about. I never want to let anyone hurt her again but then I wonder if I hurt her because my dad always says that I do. It will sound weird on paper or in my thoughts but she is the only one who has understood me. I wished I could tell her that I just love the current version of her..
    “You can’t hurt me. Remember, besides your not going to get hurt again, I have you. Okay?” I whisper to her placing a light kiss on her next and just taking in her sweet smell.
    “Ya, I know but still. Anyways…” She begins to say trailing off as she looks at me. She suddenly snaps her head away from me, which gives me a concerned and goofy smile in response to her actions. She pushes me down on the bed quickly then makes a run for the kitchen. I just rolled off the side of the bed and chased her and we both are confronted by a cold room. “Ahahaha, no, no. I was joking” she yell as I laugh and tackle her. I was convinced that she could never necessarily run away from me and that was the case most of the time even though, she is pretty smart; and fast. I was then out of breath and so was she. We stopped rough housing and I went to get fire wood for the fireplace. I step out on the front porch to grab the wood, then she slams the door shut behind me. Smart ass decided to lock me outside, wow. She was laughing on the inside of the house and all I could do was smile and shake my head at her. I grab the wood and look at her as the door suddenly opens for me. I started laughing because I going to get her back for doing that to me.
    “What are you doing?” She then says looking at me while her face and eyes began studying me as I was attempting to start a fire.
    “I am putting fire into the fireplace. I have a way of doing it because I always get in trouble for doing it wrong. Also I like to play with fire on some occasions.”
    She laughs then agrees with me and continues to watch me. “Well I am going to make breakfast.” I then jump up and tackle her and she cries out in surprise.
    “No you're not! I am because I have to take care of you, it’s my turn!” I say to her while she is looking at me still surprised.
    “No, I want to help, if you want to wife me up I have to help, duh” Octavia responds then pushing me over and down on my back. I was beginning to giggle nervously then I push her off to pull her into a hug.
    “Please?” I whisper softly in her ear. I feel her hug tightened around me as she becomes tense when I beg.
    “Ugh, fine.” But then she says, “under one condition.”
    “Ya? What is that?”
    “You have to let me cook bacon.” I begin to laugh then I shake my head yes then help her up as we walk into the kitchen together.
I grabbed a box of Mac and Cheese and she looked at me; then, causing her eyebrow to crawl up to a sharp angle. I just smile and grab a sauce pan and pour water into it. As I look back at her she comes up and hugs me unexpectedly and I am overwhelmed by emotion. She goes to let go when I hug her back. This time, I didn’t hold anything back, we kept it tight and long. When the water begins to gurgle behind me I begin to let go to stir it, it takes her a few seconds to let go but then I am able to turn around.
    I wonder why she hugged me suddenly. It felt really nice but I just wished I knew what she was thinking and what she was feeling that made her do that. I really liked that hug. I am not sure what made it so good but it was really nice. I continue to stir then the water is hot enough to put the noodles in, once I finished and began to wait on the noodles I turned around to watch Octavia, who was making the bacon being goofy while doing it. “Guess what,” I say making her have to turn around and look at me with those blue eyes I couldn’t help but get lost inside of.
    She looks over at me with an attitude which makes me laugh then she smiles and laughs with me then says, “what.” I can’t help but get caught in her eyes. They were super blue with their light making them really gorgeous this morning.
    “We are going to put the bacon in the Mac and Cheese. I figured since you liked both we could put bacon in the Mac and Cheese.”
    “Dang you know me so well. Maybe a tad too well” she grins as she playfully pushes me.

    Octavia and I are sitting on the couch together in silence as we eat our Mac and Cheese. There was nowhere else I would rather be, I am so calm and peaceful. There is nothing that could possibly make this moment anymore perfect. Then she leans her head on my shoulder. Scratch that this moment just got better, other than I feel I can’t breathe. My heart is pounding so hard I feel like it is going to explode. Frick, do something! Come on dummy! I then make my decision and put my arm around her shoulders and kiss her forehead as I breathe in deeply trying to show her that I am extremely relaxed. I then set our glass bowls on the table in front of us and then lean back to let her stay calm and quiet. Not sure what to do next I breathe in quietly and I hear a small snore, which makes me want to giggle; but I keep it in and continue to look at the fireplace.
She is so peaceful. Poor thing, she probably didn’t sleep at all last night because of her dreams. Gosh she’s so sweet, loyal, protective, amazing, the list could go on yet she gets attacked by all of these awful dreams, isn’t that just weird. The most amazing girl I could even ask for still struggles, well I am the same way but we’ll get through it, together. I don’t know how I could even deserve her with all of my problems and how I barely show emotions. I know I am going into the military and I want to but I just, she makes me not want to because I just want to live with her for the rest of my life. I also want to protect her and my country, she’s who I am doing this for. I would die for her if it came down to it. I didn’t know you could feel that way for someone, but now I do because she’s the one I am feeling it for. I love her. It was too late when I realized a tear had fallen down my cheek and was now in Octavias’ hair. She was still sleeping and I slowly wiped away the tear off my face and wrapped both my arms around her tightly.