The Healer Who Needed Healing

The Past which Lead to the Future

    When you move to a new town you never actually know what may happen and who you might meet. Most times you only get the glimpse of the green grass on the other side before you have the chance to step on the grass and feel if it’s actually soft or if it scratches the bottom of your feet. Who knew moving could have been my first of many heart breaks but then I met him. The sweet boy from my Spanish and History class during my sophomore year of highschool. Little did I know while I was healing everyone else that I actually really needed it too.
    I had moved to this small town from another small town in Colorado for new opportunities for my softball career and my family needs to find a better connection to the people around them. Having lived in this new town for 3 years I wasn’t feeling if it was a good choice. I wasn’t totally new to the town because the two small towns I lived in were relatively close but the honest truth is… I did great with softball and school but my relationships were suffering with friends and family. I guess I should give you an idea as to what I mean.
    I moved to New Mexico my second semester of my 8th grade year and I did my best to find my place among my softball teammates who I already knew from the previous summer when I went to Oklahoma City for a National tournament and placed 2nd. As a little 8th grader I felt like I was on top of the world and just an amazing ball player. Everyone believes that about themselves right? Especially when they don’t have a total clue of what great players actually look like right? Playing softball for the local high school as an 8th grader brought me new opportunities and the ability to learn how good I really was but it also brought trouble. Tryouts roll around and I am placed on the 8th grade team that grooms the girls for the rest of their high school career in softball. Soon after the coaches talk to me and tell me that I will be floating as the starting catcher for black and silver (8th grade team and high school C-team). What a great opportunity right! Of course you find that there’s always good and the bad from amazing situations. And girls being girls, jealousy and exclusion had grown to an excessive level. I have never totally fit in with specific groups of people, I always float around between groups. I don’t belong to the jock group in highschool or the nerd group. I tend to spend a lot of time alone. Towards the end of my 8th grade year of school I fell into, what I thought was love, with a boy who really was the sweetest thing. But I end up starting my freshman year of highschool with a heart break from my boyfriend and ex-best friend who also ended up lying about the way she felt about our friendship. Doesn’t that fake crap make you mad? Well if I could tell younger me I would tell her that most people will tell you anything just to keep you around, especially when you are different from everyone else. I was doing fine and I was healing then in the spring of 2019 I rose to the challenge and took the starting catcher's position on the Varsity softball team while also discovering that I was ranked number two in the class of freshman.. Not only did my teammates begin to hate me I was also having a lot of toxic relationships attracted to me for my intelligence.
Who was real anymore? Who really wanted to be friends not just for my answers or things I didn’t always want to give? I had my friendships at school and my friendships that were outside of school, most of them stayed at school because softball was my life and I didn’t have time to hangout outside of my softball practices. And that’s where I found myself, during my sophomore year of high school; a top athlete and student, many friends but not sure who to trust fully. Although I had two girls I trusted rather heavily, I initially screwed up our friendship so I found myself alone again when I met him. Kyler Wells. A tall baseball and football player who tends to get into trouble when he shouldn’t but also always found a way to make me smile when I wasn’t into it. When he looks at you with those deep sincere blue eyes that light up with the sun and his emotions, he could stop the whole world with those eyes. Then, damn his kind smile, ooh, when you see that smile it really makes anyone who sees it also smile when they see him.
        Who knew he’d turn to a girl like me who’s nerdy, athletic, and insecure, for attention and a friend maybe more...