The Healer Who Needed Healing

Octernal Octavia

      I find that Octavia’s head is in my lap when I wake up about an hour later. I don’t remember falling asleep, but after being as calm as I was I can believe that I would do that. Strangely, I don’t fall asleep when the sun is out, but then again Octavia makes me do a lot of things I couldn’t do in the past. I look down at Octavia who is looking up at me intently with those blue eyes that were like the sea pulling me in and never letting me back out on the shore, but the only catch was that I could never drown in this ocean. I was always safe and above water no matter what.
    “You slept hard, do you feel rested?” she asked, touching my face. I am not used to this, I don’t think I ever will be. She is so kind and soft with me, no one is like this but her.
    “Yes, I feel much more rested. Thanks for asking.” I can’t figure out what to really say to her. She doesn’t have words to describe her, nor does she have things that make me want to walk away.
    “You’re welcome Kyler. Guess what time it is?” she says, beginning to laugh.
    I didn’t even think about the time! “What time is it?” I ask grinning back at her because her smile is contagious.
“It’s 5 o’clock! We slept all day!”
“Are you serious?! Oops, I thought it was only for an hour that we fell asleep” I exclaimed, beginning to panic because I meant to spend a whole day with her but both of us fell asleep.
“Heyyyy, calm down please. I just like being with you, whether we sleep or just sit here in silence I like to just be here with you. I liked being able to just enjoy your presence. So please. Please just stay a little longer” she says, making my heart drop. I could feel it but I couldn’t, it felt like I was paralyzed. I can breathe but then I can’t. She has caught me flat footed and frozen.
Crap! What do I say to that?! How can I respond… No ones ever just liked my presence and just wanted me to stick around.
“I know you are speechless. Silence your thoughts, let me speak and let you know all the things I am feeling. All the things you do to me. Not the bad things. There are no bad things about you Kyler. I want to-. I want to let you know that I love you.”
She has me all boggled. I am without words so she had to go say those words and now... Well- now. I can’t even explain what I feel.
“Kyler.” Octavia says catching me off guard once again.
    “Yes?” I respond curious about what she has to say.
    “I will always need you and want you. I will always find you worth fighting and living for. You’re the reason my heads above water when I was drowning in my sadness and heart break over my friendships. Just thought you should know that.”
    I love how she does this to me. She makes me absolutely speechless and I can’t ever grip my words to tell her that I feel the same way. I haven’t been able to ever really come up with words on the fly but this still makes me struggle for words. In the midst of my thoughts my heart was racing and I couldn’t make it slow down. Octavia smiles and my heart rate continues to climb and I breathe in trying to slow my heart rate down. Her eyes were changing colors and I couldn’t help but notice how they had a lot of light in them. Everything about her makes me speechless, everything she says, everything she does, the things she writes to me in her letters or her texts. She’s just a thief of my words. Not in a bad way just in a goofy way. So I lean love her and pull her up into a hug and she kisses my cheek. Not sure how else to communicated I continue to hold her tightly.