The Healer Who Needed Healing

The Escapists

I wake up to tapping on my window, I roll over and my clock reads four twelve am. I smile and grab my backpack and stride over to the window to then put the screen of the window on the floor. My best friend smiles at me and I can see his blue eyes wild with excitement and energy which makes my soul buzz with even more energy. I hand my bag to him and I crawl out the tight window. I open the note I wrote for my parents and leave it on the floor and grab the screen. The cool November breeze is tickling my baby hairs on my neck as I put the screen back. As soon as it clicks shut I turn then look at my best friend and we smile. We then jog down the street to his truck and jump in.
‘Dang we actually did it’ I exclaim with a nervous laugh.
He smiles and says, ‘ya. But are you going to be okay?’ To be honest, I’d never done something terribly bad in my life so when he was asking if I was going to be alright he was more of asking am I going to be alright with the consequences that could follow after running away with him. My life tend to consist of tight rules in my house hold and for once I wanted to be free. But with those rules came a fearful respect for my parents causing me to feel shaky and hesitant about the decision we are about to make.
I need to tell him the truth that ya I am nervous, the homecoming and the restricted life is what I’ll have to deal with when I get back. But if I am being honest I need to get away, I feel I am always tied to a post at home. Just tell him! He literally has understood everything about you before. It’s the widest span anyone has ever had for me, when it came to understanding me, no one has understood the smallest insecurities to the ones that cut the deepest like he has. I then give a shy smile and answer, ‘I don’t want to ruin the moment but I am nervous for when I come back home and what kind of life I’ll live, ya know? I definitely need a break from my family but I also will not be able to escape from this because I have messed up too many times so I’m treading on thin ice and I feel taking a break will only make matters worse. Kyler, I really want to see you again and I feel if I leave with you right now I feel I won’t, so is this even going to be worth it?’
He looks at me without a single hesitant word he says, ‘Octavia, this is our choice. You’re right this will probably change things when you get back; but are you willing to make that risk? Or do you want to sneak back into your house and pretend this never happened?’ I was stunned, we had planned and waited for this moment and now she was going to let me just say “no” all of the sudden.
‘The risk I am willing to take is worth it. I’ve decided this will be the lesson I will teach my kids one day, which will be to communicate about their feelings and opinions on the life they have at home so I can help or understand them.’
He nods in agreement but searches my eyes for answers or something else that I wasn’t sure during that moment of silence. ‘Are you sure? Because you don’t have to follow through with this. I promise it won’t be hurting me if you decide against this’ he finally says after we had been staring at each other for a little bit. Suddenly, lights shine through the back windows and I realize it’s my mom's car.
‘We need to go or I will be in deep crap if she catches me right now,’ I yell in a shaky voice as the lights get closer. The truck kicks into gear as the race car driver skills in him flip on. I put my seatbelt on as she quickly turns the corner and my mother just follows putting along. As we travel to the highway that takes us right out of town my mom finally turns the opposite direction. Kyler and I look at each other and relax. I have a bubbly giggle which escapes me and it explodes into roaring laughter as we leave Farmington.
We begin our conversations as we make our way to our first destination which is Albuquerque. I smile at him and he does his cute “what” smile and it makes me laugh then he says with a little laugh, ‘what?’
I smile and say ‘I was just returning your smile and I was just thinking how happy I am just hanging out with you. But then it is super weird, mainly because in my head, I make it weird. Like-. You know how sometimes you think and think then when you actually are in the moment you are unsure of yourself or you feel like you will mess up.’
He shakes his head and smiles ‘Octavia how many times do I need to tell you that you are my type of weird and I understand you no matter what you say or do. You can’t mess up with me Octavia, like seriously you can make little mistakes around me. I love the you that is current, not the past you who has a messed up past. I mean like I love everything about you but I am focused on the current version of you not anyone else.’ My heart suddenly dropped, I felt like a horse who was just hit by a rock. A very stunned horse, not sure what to do or what to say, I look at him as he continues down the road and glances at me.
‘Thank you Kyler for being one of the few who actually allow me to… be myself? Once in my life Kyler you have allowed me to relax and be human. It’s like I finally woke up from a long nap and I can sit up to stretch and breathe. I can actually breathe with you when every time I feel I breathe in my house I am accused of having an attitude or being difficult’ I finally decided to admit to him.
He smiles then responds, ‘I feel that and you’re welcome. Don’t forget that you do the same for me though, like… Well, how do I say this… You have also helped me be myself again, you helped me find my smile, my laugh, me. You helped me find me again, I lost myself and you helped me figure out where I was.’ Silence was beginning to settle because I was so stunned. I felt I had an impact on people but not on this level. I didn’t know what to say so I grabbed his aux cord and plugged it into his ipod.
‘Our amazing playlist... here we come. I really don’t know what to say to that Kyler.’ I admit as it begins to play. The first song that he told me about plays and I sing the words for a little while. What would my life be like without him? Well I would say my life wouldn’t feel complete without him. I am overthinking again-
‘Stop thinking’ Kyler says, knowing exactly why I was being so quiet.
I laugh and say, ‘I love how you know me that well.’ He laughs and because his laughter was super contagious I begin to laugh too. We suddenly stop laughing when Springsteen comes on and we smile and look at each other.

You looked at me and I was done
And we're, we're just getting started
I was singin' to you, you were singin' to me
I was so alive, never been more free
Fired up my daddy's lighter and we sang
Oohh
Stayed there 'till they forced us out
And took the long way to your house
I can still hear the sound of you sayin' don't go

Even though we both weren’t the best singers we still enjoyed getting to have our own concerts and enjoying the music that was on the playlist we made. The mood was then ruined when we got an amber alert notification on the ipod saying, Lilly Crawford missing as of 4:12 am white van headed for ABQ. I breathe in deeply realizing that my parents weren’t looking for me yet or they actually read the note I left.

Mom and Dad,
I needed to leave the house and get away from you guys for a while. I need this break so I can come home and enjoy my life here at my house. I really am sorry that this may cause you guys pain but I want you to know that I am safe and I will be back in 3 days. Please don’t try to find me. I just need this break please let me have it. You guys get all the time you want, please grant me this one time. I love you both and hope you can forgive me.
Octavia.
I look at Kyler and he says, ‘we are going to be alright. Don’t stress anymore. Can you promise me you will relax? Please?’
There he goes again I say with a laugh inside my head, he just stopped me in my tracks again with the simple word such as please. ‘Gosh dang it Kyler!’ I exclaim to him because he got me with, please, again! ‘Fine, I’ll relax, it is only because I can be myself with you and because you said please.’ His eyes rested on mine for a split second and I can see the calm sea in his ocean blue eyes. My body's tenseness begins to ease then I am at ease in the moment that I was living. How he does that to me in a split second is unexplainable... I get this funny feeling that makes me want to laugh when I look in her eyes but it always seems to make me feel at ease, I converse with myself.