The Healer Who Needed Healing

Dreams and Reality

I didn’t realize how tired I was until I was sitting in the passenger seat staring into the distance and then I was slowly drifting off into a doze. I am going to be totally honest. I could never fall asleep in a car, but here I am riding in my best friend's truck falling asleep. I don’t even know why I am falling asleep, I am afraid to sleep in a vehicle but I wasn’t scared, I felt happy and relaxed. I look over at Kyler and he is calm and relaxed as far as I can see. I nod off and my head rests on the center console.

‘What happened to hanging out with Mary-Kay?’ my mother says. I am back to the scene of a three hour lecture my mom had given me about friendship. Why do I have to be stuck here again where I was mad, sad, and frustrated. I don’t want to be here. Please. Please get me out of here. I can’t breathe in this box of not fitting all of my parents' standards. ‘You need to pace yourself with the relationship you have with Lacora. I don’t want you to lose a valuable relationship in Mary-Kay just because Lacora came into the picture.’ Mom please. They have both been there for me, why can’t you see that I am finally happy. Why can’t that be your priority? I think but don’t say. I want to escape, please let me out, I scream. Just wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

I wake up breathing deeply and feeling sweaty, then cold at the same time. It was as if my body couldn’t make up its mind on what temperature to be. Kyler had stopped the truck at a small gas station in what looked to be the outskirts of Dallas. I believe he was the one telling me to wake up because that is something he would do if I had a bad dream and that was the case. I open the door and walk around to him and I lean against the truck then he looks at me.
I smile and he asks, ‘how’d you sleep?’
‘I slept well’ I responded, not trying to let him know that I had a rough dream that made me hurt on the inside.
‘Hmm.’
He knows I had a nightmare. Curse me and my sleep talking. *Metally Smacks forehead*.
‘You were sleeping talking... Are you okay?’ Kyler then asks me to confirm my knowledge.
‘I don’t know Kyler. I keep having this replayed dream of me and my mom driving back from Albuquerque when she lectured me and it makes me hurt everytime I hear her words again. I have just made some huge mistakes with my friendships and now I will have to live with them forever because I will continue to dream about them over and over again. I just wished when you got over a huge heartbreak you get to dump them from your dreams. I want to be done with all this pain in my heart. I trust you but the pain in my heart still remains and I constantly question if you're just going to leave like everyone else.’
Kyler stops me from saying anything else with a hug then says, ‘hey. Listen, I am going to be here for you no matter what you do. I need you, just like you need me. Nothing is going to keep me from being here for you. I will prove to you that I am here to stay. I am smart on my own. I don’t need you to make me smart, you are the reason I stay. You fill this hole in my heart so why would I want to leave.’
I pull him into a tighter hug then as I whisper in a broken voice, ‘thank you…’ I pause to collect my words; then, ‘thank you for everything. You’ve helped me with a lot of things.’
‘No problem, but honestly you’ve helped me with more than I have helped you’ he responds. The gas pump pops and then we part our hug and I go back to the truck and I sit in the driver’s seat and wait for him to get in. I put my raybans on and look out the window and I see a guy that looks familiar. My eyebrow goes up and I realize that he is walking up to the truck, Kyler gets into the truck and she sees me looking out the window.
‘I will be right back’ I say as I slip out of the truck before the guy comes any closer to Kyler’s truck. Not sure what to do I roll my sleeves up as the guy approaches me. ‘What do you want Kirk?’ I question him trying to keep myself composed. He sneers at me then she gets really close to me and tries to grab me. I smack his hand away from me. Then I am able to strike his face twice, he begins to stumble backward. I want to take a step forward and hit him a few more times but I hesitate. I hear the truck door slam in the distance. I would like to think it is Kyler but that could have been so many other things. Think you dummy! Think! He’ll try and intimidate me. Then...
‘Octavia, no matter who becomes your friend or claims to love you, they will never actually like you. Since when does anyone want to like someone who is insecure and is always needing the reassurance that they matter? Like literally you aren’t worth-.’ I interrupt him with a smashing blow to his mouth. He was a bloody mess now and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to stop hitting him if I had dropped him to the ground. I stepped back and gained my conscience back and turned and walked to the truck, Kyler was out of the truck and not far from me. I am glad to know that he has my ba-. Something pulls me to the ground by my throat and I am struggling for air. Air. Air; where is the air? Why is the sky black it is only 4 in the afternoon?
‘You don’t des-’ someone whispers in my ear, it was Kirk. The immense amount of pressure suddenly lifts off my throat. I roll onto my back coughing and gasping for air, where’s Kyler? I think to myself trying to stop my eyes from watering. I sit up and see Kyler standing over Kirk, who was on the ground curled up like the snake he was. I push myself up with great effort then walk over to Kyler, I then lean on him and make an attempt to guide him back to the truck. His arms go around me and pull me close while he continues to push against me as he yells at Kirk.
‘DON’T YOU EVER COME NEAR HER AGAIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!’ Kyler yells at Kirk as I try to hug him and take him back to the truck. He is shaking so much or is that just me. I am shaking too but he is shaking even more than me. I want to get away from here. At least before Kirk’s parents realize I just kicked their kids butt and my best friend is about to murdered him. Kyler was beginning to relax but by the time we got back to the truck; there were Kirk’s friends standing outside watching us. Kyler and I get back to the truck and I am hugging him pretty tight because I am having an anxiety attack. I can’t breathe. Where’s the color? Where’s the peace? Why can’t I feel? I need him. He’s in front of you. Why did you turn your back? Kyler could have gotten hurt!
I look into Kyler’s deep blue eyes and I beg him to get into the truck. ‘Kyler. Hey’ he wasn’t looking at me, so I reached up to his face and softly placed my hand on his cheek and said ‘hey can you look at me please?’ She then looks down at me (because he is taller than me) with his light blue eyes, and I say, ‘Kyler thank you for saving me and stepping in but we need to leave. Please get me away from here. Please?’ I felt like I got his attention so I wanted to say one more thing. ‘Thank you for defending me,’ I then pause and look down at the ground to mess with the gravel ‘no one has really done that for me, mainly because I have always been expected to stand up for myself. So... thank you.’ I looked up at him with a small grin because I was embarrassed that I didn’t finish the fight but even more that I let him get hurt because of my past politics. His hands were shaking and had been scuffed up when he tackled Kirk. I grabbed his hand gently and I inspected it as he began to speak, then I put his hand on my face to reassure that I trust him.
‘I have you Octavia. I want to protect you and take care of you. No matter what happens I am going to be here holding your hand. We can get out of here. Do you remember how I told you in one of the letters I wrote to you that I said I’d do anything for you? Well… this is one of the times that I just needed to step in and save the hero.’ He responds coolly and calmly.
I smiled remembering that letter and released him from my hug so he could get into the truck and when I did so he kissed my forehead making me buzz a little wondering why he did that. Kirk was still on the ground when I turned around, not worried at all I got into the truck. I start in and look over at Kyler who is watching Kirk's movements on the concrete then reaches over and grabs my hand.