Untying the Rope (Mujer Fuerte Series #1)

Chapter 16 : NEW

I took an entrance examination to the nearest state university. Mabuti at mayroon silang program ng Pol-Sci kaya hindi na ako namroblema pa.

I was so sure and is too determined to enter law school after graduating from my baccalaureate.

"Ano ba naman 'yan, Kendra! Pinagbigyan na kitang makatapos ng Senior High mo, tapos gusto mo pang mag kolehiyo? Masyado ka namang ilusyunada! Wala namang naghihintay na trabaho sa iyo kung hindi ang pagiging waitress at taga hugas ng pinggan dito sa canteen ko!" ani may-ari ng canteen na aking pinagtatrabahuhan, si Aling Ising.

Ipinagbigay alam ko kasi na tapos na ang bakasyon kaya hindi na ako ulit full time makakapag trabaho, tuwing gabi na lang ulit. Ayaw niya akong payagan kaya nag-aalburoto siya ngayon.

Pero hindi ako tanga para sundin ang kagustuhan niya. Hindi ako papayag na may hahadlang sa lahat ng pangarap ko.

"Wala naman ho sa inyo ang huling desisyon, Aling Ising. Nasa akin ho." I tried to sound calm as possible even though I am already pissed off.

My mother wanted me to pursue my dreams while these strangers kept on hindering me in achieving them.

Bakit? Anong papel niyo sa buhay ko?

I have already lived my life as hard as not even living. Marami nang gustong wasakin ako nang tuluyan pero pinipilit ko pa rin buo-in ang sarili ko. Dahil iyon ang ipinangako ko sa aking ina pati na rin mismo sa aking sarili.

"Kung ganoon naman pala ay bakit ka pa nagpapaaalam sa akin?!" Sigaw ni Aling Ising sa mukha ko.

Napapikit ako at bumuntong hininga.

"Hindi po ako nagpapaalam, Aling Ising. Ipinagbibigay alam ko po. Magka-iba ho iyan."

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at idinuro ako gamit ang kaniyang hintuturo.

"Lumayas ka sa harap ko, Kendra! Ang yabang mo! Wala ka pang nararating sa buhay mo, ay kay yabang mo na! Alis!" she spat.

Is that really how it goes?

When you slapped people with hard truths, they will resort to my most hated argumentum, which is ad hominem.

It's not my intention to sound arrogantly. She just took it from her own perspective.

Sinikap ko pa rin na makapagtrabaho nang maayos kahit na pinagtutulungan ako ng mga katrabaho ko. Hindi ko ugali na pumatol dahil ayaw kong bumaba sa lebel nila.

I'll just wait for karma to do its own thing in its ows ways.

Alam ko naman na pinagdidiskitahan ako dahil habang silang lahat ay nagchichismisan lang sa may counter, ako lahat ang nagseserve sa lahat ng customer.

Hindi naman ako makareklamo dahil trabaho ko naman ito. At dahil nga hindi naman ako patola.

Ginawa ko na lang pampalubag loob sa sarili ko na bukas ay unang araw ko na sa kolehiyo. Dapat ay masaya ako dahil sa oportunidad na mayroon ako upang makapag-aral.

May sapat na akong ipon pero ayaw ko pa rin tumigil sa pagtatrabaho kahit na alam kong mas mahihirapan na akong mapagsabay iyon sa aking pag-aaral ngayon. Palapit na ako nang palapit sa pangarap ko, kaya dapat ay mas kayanin ko pa.

Iniisip ko na lang na lahat ng taong matagumpay ay mayroong malalaking hirap na pinagdaanan sa kani-kanilang buhay.

I have learned to appreaciate living life the hard way. Because living it hard is what's kept me motivated and goal oriented. It keeps my zeal burning with so much passion into achieving my dreams.

I can't imagine being this motivated with my chosen career if I were still living in that mansion. I would be too sheltered and contented with what I have.

My experiences in this life taught me so many things, especially the bad experiences.

I tried to kill myself before because I thought there's no brighter future that's ahead of me. Now, I treasure my life because I realized how important it is.

If I have successfully killed myself before, who would bring justice to me and to my mother?

No one.

And my father would be so much happy and free. And I don't want that. I want him to pay for all the horrible things he did to me and to my mother.

Living life won't ever be easy but it being hard is its real essence.

We won't ever appreciate beautiful and brighter things if we haven't seen the ugly and dark ones.

I walked through the hallways of our state university.

Hindi ko alam kung sadyang kaunti lang talaga ang populasyon sa lugar namin o talagang wala masyadong kabataan ang may oportunidad na makapag kolehiyo kaya halos bilang na bilang ang mga estudyante na naglalakad sa labas ng mga building.

Ang mga puno ay siyang naging payong ko mula sa matinding sinag ng araw.

Gaya ng mga nagdaan na taon, wala pa rin sa isip ko na makipag kaibigan. Ang hirap magtiwala sa mga tao. Iyon ngang sarili mo nang pamilya, nagagawa ka pang gawan ng masasamang bagay, paano pa kaya iyong mga taong hindi mo naman ka-ano ano?

Because of the trauma that my father caused me, it's been so hard for me to socialize and communicate with other people.

I was never calm when I am being surrounded by different kinds of people. I wouldn't know who the bad ones are... or if there are any good ones.

Especially towards men. A lot of my classmates before tried to hit on me but they failed.

I don't think I would have any interest  in entering such relationships.

I know that no man is an island but I also know that I don't need anyone with me.

I am fine by myself. I am more comfortable whenever I am alone. And for me, that's the most important thing.

If you feel loved by your own self, that's great. That's beautiful, actually. Because in this world that's filled with people who would want to drag you down, you only have yourself to lift you back to the top.

As long as you fully love and trust yourself, other people won't matter anymore.