Untying the Rope (Mujer Fuerte Series #1)

Chapter 9 : STORM

Wala na naman akong saplot nang iniwan niya akong sobrang nanghihina sa kama.

His huge palm was more than enough to cover all the cries I’ve shed and all the screams I’ve wanted so much to burst out.

Masakit ang buong katawan ko. Even that part... I think... the hole he made just got bigger. It is fucking disgusting.

Hindi lang isang beses... kung hindi anim na beses. Anim na beses siyang nagpalabas bago tuluyang lubayan ang katawan ko.

His juices are everywhere at hindi ko na alam kung ano pang klaseng pandidiri ang mararamdaman ko.

I wanted this to be over. Ayaw ko na.

Noong unang beses na ginawa niya iyon ay halos sobrang hirap nang mabuhay para sa akin.

Paano pa ngayon?

Every time I remember his face... his expression... the way he satisfy himself... hindi ko alam. Wala akong mahanap na salita na higit pa sa nakakadiri.

It was beyond gruesome.

I can’t imagine how a father can do this to his own daughter.

In able to satisfy his worldy needs, he needed to crush his daughter’s dreams, he needed to traumatize his daughter, he needed to destroy his own daughter’s life.

Ilan kaming mga babaeng anak ang nakakaranas ng ganitong pang-aabuso?

Sa buong mundo, ilan kaming mga anak na hindi nagkakaroon ng maayos at mapayapang tulog sa gabi dahil sa sobrang takot na baka pasukin ulit kami?

Ilan kaming mga nasira ang buhay, halos mabaliw sa ka-iisip, at gusto nang mamatay dahil sa kahayupan na mismong ang magulang namin ang siyang dahilan.

Sa tuwing naiisip ko na hindi lang ako... at marami kami sa buong mundo... mas lalo lang akong naiiyak.

Who would take away our pain? Who would hear our cries? Who would wipe our tears? Wou would put us back to become whole again?

May posibilidad pa ba na mabuo kami... kung winasak na kami nang paulit-ulit?

I just can’t help thinking, paano nila nagagawa ‘yon sa sarili nilang dugo at laman?

Wala manlang ba silang pandidiri na nararamdaman? Puro sarap lang ba talaga?

Kasi kung gano’n... mas masahol pa sila sa demonyo.

I threw away the covers that’s stained with his juices. I threw away the clothes that I’ve worn... like what I did the first time he had done this to me.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pa nakayanang bumangon mula sa malamig na sahig, kung saan niya ako iniwan matapos gamitin nang paulit-ulit.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang malamig na hangin na nanggagaling sa bintana. Dahil mas pumayat ako, naging mas lamigin ako. At dahil na rin wala akong suot na kahit ano.

Pinilit kong makarating ng banyo para hugasan ang sarili ko. Pinilit kong linisin ang sarili ko.

Isang oras akong nagtagal sa banyo dahil  sinubukan kong linisin nang mabuti ang buong katawan ko. Ilang beses akong nag sabon. Ilang beses akong naghilod ng balat. Nagkaroon pa ako ng mga gasgas dahil sa tindi ng pagkukuskos ko.

Nahihilo ako dahil sa halo-halong nararamdaman.

Pagod, sakit, puyat, galit, lungkot, sama ng loob... lahat na.

Tiningnan ko ang repleksyon ko sa salamin.

I look horrible.

I am almost skin and bones. My dark circles around my eyes were very visible. I looked too pale. My lips were chapped and they were too dry.

I smiled bitterly at my reflection.

“Hindi ka na maganda... pero bakit binababoy ka pa rin?”

Before... I thought that being beautiful is a curse for me because I thought, it was the reason why my own father craves for me.

But now, the way I see it... I realized that no matter how pretty or ugly I look, if there’s a fucking rapist that is preying on me, there will be rape cases.

It was never because of how the way you dress. It was never because of how the way you act. It was never because of how the way you look.

If you wear pants or skirts, either way, you’ll get raped. If you act noble or feisty, either way, you’ll get raped. If you look beautiful or ugly, either way, you’ll get raped.

Because there is only one main reason why rape cases happens.

There are fucking rapists. That’s the only reason.

I still prayed to be freed from the storm, and still hoped that one day... I’ll get to witness the beautiful sunshine again.