Untying the Rope (Mujer Fuerte Series #1)

Chapter 20 : FIRST STEP

"Hello, Nate?" I said as I answered his call.

"I'm already here, Ken. Nasa may pintuan mo."

Halos malaglag ang cellphone ko dahil sa pagmamadali. Nagsasapatos kasi ako at inipit ko lang ang phone ko sa tenga at balikat ko.

"Ha?! Oh, sige, sige, Sandali na lang, nagsasapatos na ako. Wait for me!" I dropped the call without saying proper good bye.

Mas lalo tuloy akong kinabahan.

After eleven years of hiding in the dark, I am now ready to face the sunlight. Where the justice awaits.

Nathan is here because he will be with me making my first step, as I file a case against my rapist.

Matapos ang lampas isang dekada na nagpakasarap lang siya sa buhay niya, oras na para panagutan niya ang ginawa niyang kahayupan sa akin.

Akala niya siguro ay habang buhay akong malulugmok dahil sinira niya ang puri ko. Dinumihan niya ang pagkababae ko.

Pero mali siya kung iyon nga ang inaakala niya.

My mother taught me how to be strong and how to fight for my rights as a woman. She taught me how to fight for myself.

I wore my sneakers and tied up my laces. Then, I stood up to face my small mirror as I stared at my reflection.

Nagbago ang itsura ko sa nagdaan na mga taon. Kung noon, mukha akong maamo at hindi makabasag pinggan, ngayon ay mukha akong terror na propesor dahil sa pagiging sobrang seryoso. Baka nga kaya si Nathan lang ang kumakausap sa akin nang walang halong awkwardness.

I still looked like my mother, fortunately. I don't think I can still look at my reflection if I looked like my father.

I just wore a black shirt and jeans. I tied my hair up in a ponytail and it added more seriousness to my aura. Nagpolbo lang ako, kagaya ng lagi kong ginagawa.

I have never bought any type of cosmetics since I started living on my own. Bukod sa hindi ko naman priotity iyon, hindi ko rin hilig.

Ayaw ko nang mag mukhang maganda pa.

People always thought that being beautiful is a blessing, while I think about it otherwise.

I mean, there's nothing wrong in being beautiful and all. But it's really just me who is now scared whenever someone praises me and considers me as a beautiful woman. I would always get uncomfortable.

Siguro ay trauma na sa akin iyon. Dahil noon ay laging pinupuri ako ng tatay ko na sobrang ganda ko. Ngayon tuloy at kahit sa ibang tao nanggagaling, hindi pa rin ako komportable.

I went out from my room and walked towards my front door.

"Password," I demanded.

I heard Nathan chuckled.

Hindi pa nasanay, tinatawanan pa rin ako.

"Demonyo si Mateo."

After hearing the right password, I swiftly opened the door so that I could welcome my best friend.

Si Nathan lang ang nakakaalam kung saan ako naninirahan. Si Nathan lang din ang taong pinagkakatiwalaan kong makapasok sa bahay ko.

I required a password from him whenever he will visit me in my house. Mahirap na, baka may biglang unwelcome na taong sumulpot sa tapat ng bahay ko.

My father has affected my trust issues so much. There are times where I think I'm going over board and rude to other people because I don't trust them. I can't trust them.

But then I would think about my experiences. How those experiences has tainted me so much.

Doon ko maiisip na, okay lang. Okay lang na mahirapan kang magtiwala. Dahil ang mga tao ay hindi mo naman tuluyang kilala. Okay lang na nahihirapan kang magtiwala dahil gusto mo lang ingatan ang sarili mo.

It's okay not to be kind to other people at times, if it means that you're bringing kindness to yourself.

It's alright to say 'no' sometimes.

We're facing different battles everyday. We should all understand how one person feels about something. We should all understand and respect each beliefs, opinions, and decisions.

"Ready ka na?" Nate asked as he slowly entered inside my house.

I nodded curtly.

"Kinakabahan ako nang kaunti." Pag-amin ko.

Kumunot naman ang noo niya.

"Bakit naman? Ikaw ang biktima rito, Kendra. Huwag kang kabahan."

"I know. But I can't help to get worried about other people's judgments once they hear my story. Baka... hindi nila ako paniwalaan." I bowed down my head because I can feel my eyes almost tearing up.

Get a hold of yourself, Kendra! Wala pa tayo sa korte, umiiyak ka na agad.

Demonyo ang kalaban mo, kaya hindi dapat pag-aksyahan pa ng luha.

I already shed too much tears for him in the past years. It's time that he's the one who should shed his tears, once that he's behind the bars.

I can't wait any longer for that day.

I'm craving for justice so much, I wanted it served immediately.

I hope that these all be worth it.

I felt Nathan's hand caressing my back, trying to comfort me.

He must have heard that my voice broke.

"Huwag mong masyadong alalahanin ang sasabihin ng ibang tao sa'yo, Ken. Tandaan mo na ang mga aso ay tumatahol kapag hindi nila kilala ang isang tao. Ganoon din ang mga tao sa lipunan. Tatahol nang tatahol ang mga iyan kasi hindi ka naman nila kilala. Hindi nila alam ang pinagdaanan mo. And you don't owe any explanations to anyone. Let them bark. Nandito naman ako, susuportahan kita sa lahat. Hanggang sa makamit mo ang hustisyang nararapat para sa inyo ng Mommy mo. You both sacrificed a lot just to achieve justice. Don't let it all go to waste just because of irrelevant people." Nathan said that made me worry less.

He would always have that effect on me. That effect that makes me speechless and be amazed my his words of wisdom.

He knows how to say the words at the right time. He knows how to calm my loud demons. He knows how to make me feel safe.

He closed our small distance as he tapped my head a few times. He does that everytime I panic. It is his small gesture, like his body language, on how to tell me that he got my back. Always.

"Lagi mong tatandaan na nandito ako lagi na naniniwala sa'yo. And always remember that as long as there's someone who would believe in you, always choose to carry on. Hanggat may isang naniniwala sa'yo na kaya mo, magpatuloy ka lang." He gently uttered.

And with that, I know I made a right decision in welcoming him into my life.