Subtle Love ~ C.E. (FIRST BOOK)

More Than Anything

For the week that I stayed in the hospital, everyone came to visit me. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. The crew (Scarlett, Sebastian, Liz, RDJ, etc.) as I like to call them, along with both Chris and I's family came to visit. It felt amazing to be surrounded by them again. It just sucks that I had to meet the rest of Chris's family under these circumstances. I finally met his brother, Scott, who is hilarious by the way. He visited everyday, always brought snacks with him and told me stories about when him and Chris were kids. And I have to say, he was one of the highlights of my week. When Krystal came to visit, she cried for two hours. Then, she got this sudden burst of anger, "Where is that bitch you call your sister?!" "They have her detained at the station along with Nick until I get out of hospital. We have to go to court." "Damn right you're bringing their asses to court! Oh! I just knew something was up about her! Ever since the day I first met her, I knew she was shady!" I giggle at her comment and reply, "Yeah, I know Krys."

I've been feeling so much better. Almost myself but, at the same time, not myself at all. I feel more strong, energetic yet, it's like a piece of me is gone. "Can you please let me go down to the station? I just want to put my hands on them one good time-" "No, Krystal. What makes you think they'll let you even get close to them?" "Its not about if they'll let me, it's about if they can catch me because I just want to roundhouse their a-" Cutting her off, Sebastian lightly knocked on the side of the doorframe where he was standing, holding a bouquet of flowers. "Can a guy see his best girl?" "Of course Seb!" I said with open arms as he came to hug me and give me the flowers. If anyone's been seeing me the most, it's definitely Sebastian. We got pretty close over the week and he's been really checking in on my mental health which I appreciate and love him for dearly. "Oh, daisies. Thank you so much." "It's no problem at all, they were all out the first time I came so, I thought I would try again. Even though your room already looks like a flower shop." I chuckled at his response and looked around the room. He's right, there's flowers with teddy bears and a few balloons all over the place.

"Hey Krystal, how are you doing?" He asked with the biggest smile on his face. "I-I'm pretty good. How are you? I mean-how are things?" "They're pretty good." They gazed at each other, standing on each side of my bed as I looked between the two in silence. Awkward. "You know especially now that this one's back." He said bringing both of their eyes on me. I grinned and he asked, "So, is there anyway I could go down to the station?....." "Why?" I asked slowly, "I just want to go talk to the son of a bitch who took you!" Krystal looked at him with excitement and said, "That's what I'm trying to do!" "You too Seb? Listen, I know that you guys have a lot of hatred in your heart for them, trust me, I know. But you guys gotta cool it. We have the trial coming up next week back in L.A. So, let's just wait til then." They nodded and continued a conversation with me for a bit until Chris came back in the room and gave us some privacy.

"How are you feeling love?" He asked before placing a kiss on my forehead and handing me a bouquet of roses. "I'm okay just a little cold, thank you for the flowers. I'll add it to my collection." He chuckled, taking the flowers in putting them in the empty vase on my bedside. "How are you feeling?" "I'm better now that you're back. And I have just the solution for your coldness." He motioned me to move over and squeezed himself onto the bed next to me, holding me in his arms. I snuggled my head on his chest as his warmth heated me up. "Is that better?" "Most definitely......you know, I had a dream." "About what?" "We had a kid. And we came up with two names and combined them." "Oh wow. What was their name?" "Isabella Grace Evans." He smiled at the name and attacked me with kisses, "I love that name bug. Would you want to name our kid that?" "I would love to but, what if we have a boy?" "Hmm. I don't know yet. We have time though."

"Are you hungry?" "A little, but you don't have to-" "Ah, ah! Your wish is my command, love. I'll see what they have that you might like, I'll have Seb come in to stay with you." I nod and he left the room as Sebastian made his way back in. "So, what are you going to do after the trial?" "I don't know. I'll feel relieved when he's in jail but, I guess I'll just have to go on in life. I'll be fine." He gave me a look and said, "Y/N, you know it's okay to not always be okay-" "Seb, you know I appreciate you checking on me with this but, I'm fine. Really.....I'll let you know when there's something to worry about, I promise." "Do you want to talk about.......what happened? You don't have to if you're not ready." As soon as he said those words, memories of being hit over and over again flashed through my mind like a slideshow. "Uh, not yet. I just need some time." "Of course." He smiled. "Are you excited for your birthday tomorrow?" I asked enthusiastically, "Yes but, no. I'm getting old." He whined, "You sound just like Chris." I chuckled.

A few minutes later, Chris came back in the room with a tray of food and we talked about the most random things. Guess they were trying to take my mind off of my current situation.

****THEEE DAYS LATER****
August 15th

After being discharged, we threw a small party for Sebastian the other day and flew back to L.A. Chris did his best to take care of me and be the nicest he could to the paps. They were literally everywhere. The day we came back home was the most stressed I've ever been. Since my leg was still out of commission, it was a little hard to run out of the way of paparazzi so, Chris had to pick me up and try to ignore all the ignorant questions from them. The first night back was both good and bad. I was glad to be back in an actual bed, take a warm shower, and eat a full meal but, that's when the nightmares started. I wake up in a cold sweat, tussling around, talking in my sleep. Sometimes I even catch myself crying or screaming. And each time, Chris was there to comfort me and I felt terrible about it. I kept waking him up in the middle of the night and I know that he already went through a lot while I was gone.

I either see Nick or my sister torturing me in some way. One of the dreams, wasn't a dream at all. It was him taking a blade and tracing it across my stomach, which left a curved scar from my left hip to the center of my stomach. He told me if things went South, he wanted it to be something I would remember him by. I get up in the middle of the night and limp into the bathroom. I lean into the toilet waiting to throw up but, nothing came out. Getting up, I look myself in the long mirror, lifting my shirt which revealed the scar that was patched up from when I was in the hospital. I slowly peeled it off and I weeped quietly so, I wouldn't wake Chris up but, I guess that didn't work. I saw his reflection from the mirror as he looked at me with concern and stood behind me, "Hey bug, it's okay. I'm here." He took me into his arms as I clung to him, wetting his shirt with my tears. "I didn't mean to wake you." I sniffled, "You didn't wake me, I felt your presence wasn't there." He sighed, lightly lifting my shirt back up and said, "This is what he did to you?" I nod my head pursing my lips, and he traced his fingers across the scar.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." He bowed his head in disappointment. Palming his face, he placed his forehead against mine as we closed our eyes. "Please don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.....Chris, look at me." We open our eyes at the same time, "This wasn't your fault. You couldn't have guessed that this would've happened." "But I-" "Christopher Robert Evans.......this is not on you." I said pointing my finger at him. "I love you more than anything." "I love you too......are you sure you're ready for tomorrow?" "No but, what choice do I have?"