Losing Your Memory ° Kai Parker

Chapter 23

Third pov

"You've been staring at me for the past 10 minutes and usually I am the one being creepy so I hope you understand this confuses me." Kai teased as he rubbed circles on her naked back.

Jennifer chuckled lightly, being slightly self aware of the fact that she had been indeed silently staring at Kai.

The two of them layed naked at the awfully uncomfortable bed of the motel Kai was staying.
Her head was resting on his chest and the warmth of his body still seemed to be enough to make her all bothered. She still couldn't believe what she had confided in front of everyone.

"Are you still not ready to talk about what you said?"

Jennifer was amazed by Kai's ability to always read her mind. So much that she suspected he could actually do it.

"There's nothing to say. I thought I had lost you. It just came out of me." She responded, hoping he would drop it.

But of course Kai wouldn't just ignore the one person who told him they loved him after so many years.

"So it's not true. It was just in the heat of the moment?" He didn't want to show it to her but he was disappointed by her reaction.

Jennifer stayed quiet.
The truth was that she didn't know if she loved him. Love was a very strong word and she still didn't know Kai that much to say something like this.
But again what did her fear of losing him mean, if not love?

"I don't know Kai. I know that I care about you." She paused to stand up so she could see him. "But love is a very strong word."

His eyes studied her intensely. She was being honest, he realized. It wouldn't be fair to demand from her to love him when he himself didn't know what he felt.
A part of him hated that he was going soft. After the merge he felt an overwhelming flood of emotions. It was like all these emotions he has suppressed the past years came all together in one moment.
Happiness, sadness, grief... Love.

He stared down at Jennifer's face and tried to piece together what he felt.
He had never been in love and he didn't remember how it felt to love someone.

But he cared about her. He didn't want anything to happen to her.

"It wouldn't be fair to demand from you to say something like that so soon."
Kai whispered.

Everything seemed very knew to him. He was still trying to learn how to love not just Jennifer but himself.
Despite constantly claiming he was the best and how much he loved himself, he knew he had spent his whole life wishing he was like his siblings. Normal.

He had a lot of time with himself to reflect and he found impossible to shake the hate he had for his family. All those years in isolation he never felt sorry for what he had done. It was only fair after how he was treated.
Then again his dead siblings weren't to blame. But they were the source of his jealousy.

Things changed inside him when he met Jennifer. It was stupid.
His past self would think he was becoming weak for a girl he barely knew. But Jennifer seemed to be strong without becoming mean or cold. She was sensitive without losing her boldness.
He admired that.

Plus she was the first person to not hate him right after she met him. Usually people blandly despise him and most of the times he knew for a good reason.
But Jennifer,even with the cloud of guiltiness, liked him. Or at least was intrigued by him, despite how awful he had been.

"I feel... weird. " Kai announced out of the blue, breaking the silence.

"What do you mean? You feel sick? " Jennifer asked slightly worried.

Kai shook his head, trying to find the words to decribe it.
"No, no I am perfectly fine. I mean I feel... guilt? I feel bad? Luke is dead."

Jennifer withdrew from his arms so she could have a better look at him.
She raised an eyebrow at encouraged him to continue with his confession.

"I thought I wouldn't care but since we merged I feel this nasty feeling that I have never felt. It's like a door opened with bad emotions that I've never felt. I mean I was angry and sad about some of the things I have done to you, but it was nothing compared to this." Kai went on a small rant.

Jennifer stared at Kai, trying to figure out if this new found emotions were for better or for worse.
"And you've never felt like that? Not even after you murdered your siblings?" She asked a bit reluctantly, knowing how Kai didn't like to speak about that.

Kai seemed to think about it for a moment. Then he slowly shook his head.
"My father used to tell us that when one twin takes the other's powers they also take some of their character. I always thought it was bullshit but.... "

He shrugged his shoulders in defeat.
"I guess it's true. I have emotions now."
He said with a disgusted face. As if he just found out he had herpes.

Jennifer couldn't stop herself from laughing at Kai's horrified reaction at the realization he had feelings and emotions now.

"I don't think you gained them exactly. You always had them. It just unlocked another side of you." She said as she stopped laughing.

Kai knitted his eyebrows, trying to figure out if this was a good thing.

Jennifer playfully punched his shoulder which took him off guard.
"It's a good thing Kai. Not just for the rest of us who won't have to deal with your rage, hopefully, but also for you. The world is so much more interesting when you experience with emotion. You'll see."

"Emotions get you hurt. Therefore weak." Kai explained in a stern face.

Jennifer looked at him for a while and then slowly smiled.
"Only a coward would choose to shut down Kai. It's easier yes. But you are not a coward. You may get hurt but so what. That's life. Otherwise what's the point of being alive? "

Kai didn't know what to say to that. He wouldn't call himself a coward but he also didn't like the idea of getting hurt. He didn't see a point in it.
But deep down he knew Jennifer was right. And he didn't want to let her down.

"Now. My friends already think I am stupid for being with you. So a positive step towards getting their trust back is if you could bring our friends back." Jennifer pleaded in her fake sweet voice.

She really hopped Kai hadn't changed his mind about it.

He grunted and threw his head back.

"Please Kai... I really need them back. Bonnie is my best friend in the whole world. I can't imagine a world without her."

He slowly turned his head at her. It felt impossible to say no to her.

"Fine. I'll do it. But tomorrow. I just want to be with you right now." He promised and pulled her close to him again.

She kissed his chest and snuggled in. Feeling happy and safe.
Then they both slowly fell asleep.