Losing Your Memory ° Kai Parker

Chapter 12

I'll do anything you say
If you say it with your hands

Never something had felt so right even though I was aware it was so bad.

I've had sex before with one guy from my school,whom I've dated for a while but it was so unfulfilling. It didn't feel like something I wanted to do again, even though I did at that time. I thought that was what I was supposed to do.
He was my boyfriend after all.

But this... this felt so good. Every single thing he did made me feel incredible.

Now he was sleeping on his stomach, his lips slightly parted and he was breathing heavily.
I layed beside him, thinking it was a good thing Stephan was not in the house at the moment. Not that he would come bursting in my room if he was here but it would make me nervous if he was in the same house.
I lifted one hand and caressed his cheek.

I felt so many feelings that I didn't know which one outweighed the other.
I felt happy because I could finally feel what everyone was talking about. The excitement that came when someone new walked into your life and you fell...in love.
But I couldn't shake the guilt that came with all of this. The fear that if my friends found out. What would they think of me? I didn't even know what I felt towards Kai.
It could be just a physical attraction. But it could be more.

Then there was the uncertainty. Why did Kai acted like that towards me?
I kept myself awake with the question in my mind, struggling to find an answer to it. But nothing came.
Maybe he was just bored. Maybe he wanted something from me.

My thoughts were interrupted by Kai's eyes fluttering open.
He blinked a few times and then turned to me.

"You didn't sleep?" He asked.

I shook my head.
"I was too afraid Stephan would return."

Kai chuckled and lifted himself so he could rest his back on the bed post.

"Why do you care what Stephano does?" Kai said, oblivious to the fact he butchered Stephan's name.

"I don't think it's a good idea for my friends to find out what I did." I admitted, hoping this wouldn't make him angry.

He didn't really seem to care though.
"Well it is kinda sad to live your life thinking of what others would think about who you choose to fuck." He said and picked up the book I was previously reading.
"But what do I know right? " He turned to look at me and winked, then proceeded to open the book.

"So is it the first time you are reading the book?" He asked.

"Well yes but I do know the ending." I glanced at the book. It was a suggestion from my mom. She always said I would eventually meet someone who was as in love with me as Werther was with Charlotte. I was too embarrassed to tell Kai that though.

"It was one of the books that I read a lot while I was in the prison world. They made us read it in school and I was so certain I was going to hate it but... I didn't." He didn't seem to understand why he liked the book either.

"Have you ever been in love?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Kai turned his head immediately which made it even worse. I bit my lip in embarrassment and looked down.

"No. I haven't. I don't think I ever will Jennifer. Nor do I think I will ever love someone. I am a sociopath aren't I?" There was something in his voice that wanted me to challenge him. To tell him he was wrong.

"I don't think that Kai." I said honestly. This time looking into his eyes.

Kai didn't respond. Instead he turned his focus on the book.