Losing Your Memory ° Kai Parker

Chapter 18

Happy New Year Everybody!

Use my best colors for your portrait
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it

I was too occupied with crying my eyes out to notice there was someone behind me.
I only realized when I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder that someone was also there.
I looked up and saw Elena's worrying face stare back at me in shock.

"What happened?" She sat down beside me.

I didn't know what to tell her in order to not reveal too much information. Even though she kinda encouraged me to give it a try with Kai, I didn't want her to know just yet. Well at this point I wasn't sure I wanted to tell her at all.

"Kai's father wanted to talk to me and I just became upset with the conversation." I explained as I tried to wipe my face and not look a complete mess.

Elena's eyebrows were knitted together in confusion.
"Why would his father want to speak to you? How did he even find you?"

"He said he had been following me since we came back. Apparently me and Kai are too close and he felt the need to remind me how much of a monster his son is." I grabbed my almost empty cup of coffee and took a sip.

Elena examined my face, probably trying  to understand if Kai and me were actually close. She already had an idea so it wasn't hard to put two and two together.
She didn't say anything right away. Instead she rubbed my back, instantly making me feel safer.
"Why don't you come and sit with me and Caroline. We can discuss it."

The offer was sweet but the last thing I wanted was to discuss my feelings about Kai. The moment I thought I had things figured out something would happen and I would be back at the start, feeling anxious and guilty.

I shook my head and smiled trying to show her I was okay.
"It's fine. I just want to be alone if that's not a problem."

Elena seemed a bit disappointed but she nodded.
"If you need us we are here. I know you miss Bonnie. I miss her too." Elena knew Bonnie was the one person that I was really close to. If I was willing to speak to someone,it was her.
I excused myself to Elena and walked out of the crowded bar.

I let out a big breath and looked around.
It seemed like a running theme to have my a nice day ruined.
I started walking down the street not really knowing where I was going. I wanted to wander off. To the amount someone could do that in this town. My thoughts kept going back to Bonnie.
Her absence was more notable than ever today.
It's not that Bonnie was the kind of friend that wouldn't scream at my face for being dumb enough to have a crush on Kai but she would understand. She would know what to say.
The first day of High School after our parents died I dreaded going there.
I knew I would be met with people's fake sympathy and all the "I am sorry".
I hated everything about the way people reacted to other's loss.
But then Bonnie came and just when I thought she would say what everyone else said, she simply sat down with me and started chatting about something else.
It felt so good to not be treated like a fragile little thing that would break if someone said the wrong thing.
I guess that's why I liked Kai too. Even though they were very different, he was always very transparent with me. I mean he was with everyone. I don't think he was very considerate of what he said in order to not hurt others.
Oh Kai.

What the hell I was supposed to do now? I had agreed with myself to give him a chance but I couldn't ignore how my stomach twisted when his father was explaining everything he did.
I was thinking was it even my place to give him a second chance? Sure for the things he did to me but for all the damage and pain he caused to his family? To Liv and Luke.