cigarette smoke.

useless thing

THE REFLECTION STARING BACK AT ME IS WARPED WITH TEAR-STSINED TRAGEDY FROM EYES THAT CAN NO LONGER CRY. can't you tell what you've done was wrong? you keep saying it was for my benefit; i didn't ask for this i did not want it i do not want anything―

――don't you just LOVE that feeling. that stab in your gut like wrung out flesh and sharpened teeth bitten into my bones; all bitter and shit.

(My mouth tastes like almonds, i've been told to stop licking the cyanide from apple seeds. That jealousy is not good for my health; that green isn't a color for me to wear; even though that's what my eyes look like in the sun. Tragedy, isn't it?)

I'M A CAUTIONARY TALE, I GUESS. something you'd scare children with; tell them about the monster with skin so pale it would glow in the sun like a rip-off Edward Cullen except i'm not pretty so it doesn't count. i'm a story about the ascendance and the hollow fall of one or another kids-almost-young-adults wow they just get younger and younger don't they such a shame you won't turn out like that will you [offspring]?

what else is there to me but a bad example?

I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN fond OF THE COLOR GREEN (i've never really been fond of lots) BUT IT SUITS MY EYES IN THE SUN, BECAUSE THEY TWIST FROM DEAD SILVER TO SUN-SPOT FORESTS IN THE SUMMER AND RAINDROPS IN THE WINTER I'M SEASONAL, HUH?

maybe i am pretty, under all the skin. if i just ignore it―

(SPEAK UP, LAZY, HOW ARE YOU FAILING THIS HARD, BE BETTER, STOP BEING SO LOUD, JUST DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE MORE LIKE YOUR SISTER, YOU'RE SO DETACHED―)

―i'm good at ignoring lots, anyway.