cigarette smoke.

i hate you, love

sometimes i lie awake when the sun disappears half-past the horizon and the stars haven't sparked to life and i think of how easy it would be to hurt you. about how much trust you put if your able to sleep peacefully next to me. i can't do that, so here i am, awake half past daytime, the clouds have drowned away and you don't realize how easy it would be for me to slip the pillow from the back of your head to stop your breathe - to destroy your lungs and every organ. i could hold you - because babe you trust me even if you shouldn't. cuz people like me, we die young after we grow up days too fast. i'm a devil, you know, slip wine on your water and poison in your mind―

i'll cut your wrists myself if you love me enough, taste you and let you fall into the dark. swallow you up like ice tea in summer, but snowfall storms in during spring and your still alive. i hate that, but it's not like i can live without you, like i can hurt you enough when you cry to me when everyone leaves. they never liked you baby and i can name every reason why - you'll agree with me when i say that. when i tell you your so selfish that everyone wants you dead, they hate you, love. they want you dead so they can be free. i love you though, did you know. i can hurt you, so bad, twist you away and tie a noose right 'round your throat and make you breathless.

but i won't, cuz baby i hate you, love. and you hate me too, don't you?