fire ;; lashton

lies.

"I can forgive you for not telling me, but I can never forgive you for lying to me."

-

Ashton didn't know what he was doing.

Sitting there on the bathroom floor he realized how undeserving he was of Luke and how Luke could do so much better than a guy like him. A fucked up mistake that no one wanted, a screw up who couldn't be fixed nor fix himself.

And somehow Ashton ended up killing the beautiful butterflies on his wrists and his hips and his thighs and his ankles and his chest. He didn't want to, he really didn't want to, but everything was just so horribly wrong and he couldn't help himself from the darkness consuming him.

He cut over and over again until the blade dragging across his skin was the numbest thing he's ever felt, having done it so many times. Ashton wasn't even crying, the pleasure coming from the pain making him unable.

And then suddenly there were tears in his eyes because he was looking at Luke, who looked as if his whole world was crumbling beneath his feet as he observed Ashton and the blood around him, the blade in his hand as he sat on the floor.

"You lied to me Ashton!" Luke yelled, voice cracking, accusingly pointing a finger at the shorter boy. "You lied and told me you stopped cutting, that you were getting better! You lied to me."

"I'm sorry, Luke! I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to but everything was just horrible and sad and you weren't here and everything just--broke. It all just completely shattered into pieces I couldn't pick up and I'm sorry." Ashton spoke, his voice coming out like fragments of a scratched CD. He felt even more ashamed as Luke looked at him with billions of different emotions swimming inside of him.

"I don't care, Ashton! How could I trust you after this? I care so much about you and--you just--god, I can't even look at you. How could you do this to me, to you, to--to us."

Ashton felt like everything around him was crumbling and falling apart as Luke looked at him with such pain and agony and hurt and betrayal. He had back-up plans and dialogues figured out if he was caught by staff, but Luke was still an enigma to him and he had yet to figure out how to predict his next move.

"I-I'm sorry." He whispered into thin air, his eyes unable to leave the bloodied floor. How could he tell Luke he couldn't even look at himself? That everything just hurt so bad and his nightmare seemed so real he--he...

"I think I should go."

"No," Ashton began to panic, unable to comprehend how everything would fix itself if Luke wasn't here. "No! Please, Luke, p-please don't go! I'm sorry, I swear! I won't do it again, ever again, I won't do it for you."

But Luke was already out of the bathroom and Ashton had to force himself to stand up and follow him to the door, no matter the dizziness rushing to his head. He grabbed Luke's hand before he could leave, hoping that what was once perfect could still be kind-of-perfect. But he knew he set his hopes too high, he always did and he was always disappointed. That was the way his life worked.

"Don't leave me, Lukey. You're the only thing that's keeping me here. Please just--just don't go." Luke could only stare at his wrists and the gauntly way it made Ashton's skin look--the skin that covered only a shell of a boy he used to be.

"Please, Luke. I... I l-love you."

Ashton felt like he was falling off a cliff where his only lifeline was Luke's hand because Luke let go and Luke walked away and Luke was gone and Ashton was, too.