fire ;; lashton

apart.

there are triggering words in this chapter, im sorry and i love you.

-

If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go
'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
And truth be told, I never was yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart

-

Six days.

Six days for Luke to think.

Six days to make a decision.

Six days trying not to relapse.

Six days of shock treatment.

Six days for Luke to make up his mind.

Six days for Ashton to fall apart.

"So I guess we're ex-roomies now."

Ashton sounded broken.

"I suppose."

Luke was trying to hide it.

"Do you still think you love me?"

Ashton didn't know if he wanted an answer.

"I think I want to."

Luke didn't know what to say anyway.

"Okay."

"Okay."

-

"Hi," Luke said as the door to his new room opened. "I'm Luke, again. We're roomies now."

"Okay. Cool. Ashton's boyfriend, right?"

Luke shuffled his feet awkwardly under Liam's intense and observing stare. "I don't know."

Liam smiled, but it was tight and fake--though Luke couldn't tell, he couldn't look at him. Not without seeing the judgement and how smug he must be. "Cool. Come on in."

-

"Hey, Michael," Ashton said, smiling shyly at the pale blonde. "So... We're roomies now."

"I guess," Michael replied, his arms crossed over his chest. He was indecisive on how he felt with Ashton at the moment, so he thought neutral was best instead of mad or upset.

"Are you mad at me?" Ashton asked quietly, looking over Michael's body language as he stepped inside the room.

"I don't know!" Exclaimed the younger boy, almost dramatically throwing up his hands. "I have no idea how I feel towards you, Ashton. You hurt yourself, and I don't know if I should ask you why or if you're okay. But, you broke my best friend's heart and I don't know how to act around you because of it. I don't even know how Luke feels! I haven't been able to talk to him because he's always with Louis."

"Who?" Ashton asked, narrowing his eyes and dropping his duffel on the other bed across from Michael's. "Who the fuck is Louis?"

"A nurse here. He and Luke talk all the time when the other's stressed." Michael informed him, unaware of the jealousy now coursing throughout Ashton.

"How old is he?" Ashton questioned further, his heartbeat pulsating hotly in his chest. "Is he hot? Nice? Tattoos? Piercings?"

Michael raised an eyebrow at the cinnamon haired boy, acknowledging the redness of his face and the way his eyes seemed to turn dark brown. "Ooh, someone's jealous." He snickered, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm not--"

"Louis is very attractive; slim body, abs, greatest ass I've ever seen. Twenty-three, scattered tattoos all over his body. Super nice, most of the time, really sassy but hilarious. Knows how to play piano and can sing magnificently well. Anything else, Sherlock? Mr. I'm-Not-Jealous Holmes? "

Ashton rolled his eyes, climbing into his bed. "I don't need to take this from someone like you, you fucking bulimic emo."

Ashton couldn't take back the words he said, though they were far from the truth. He heard Michael's sharp intake of breath and shut his eyes tightly, trying to erase those disgusting words that flew out of his own mouth.

Michael had tears welling in his eyes, awestruck at the fact that Ashton could say something so hurtful. "I--fuck you, fucking cutting freak." He retorted, climbing into his own bed with his back to Ashton. He wanted to cry--oh, he wanted to sob for the rest of his life--but he couldn't show Ashton how much it hurt him to say that and how it hurt to hear those two little words.

Both fell asleep heartbroken messes.

-

"So what happened between you and Ashton?" Liam questioned after a while of silence, both kind of unsure on how to talk to the other.

Luke was laying with his head facing the ceiling and a longing sigh left him. "He lied to me. And I don't like liars."

"Honesty is a great value."

"...Yeah." Luke shrugged, picking at the sheets on the cot. "Liam, did you and Ashton ever have like... a thing?"

Liam smiled to himself slightly, thinking of all the good times he and the hazel eyed boy shared while at the other rehab. "Not exactly. If we were horny we exchanged blowjobs and stuff, but nothing really serious."

"Oh, oka--"

"I did, however have a crush on him. Hell, I still do." Liam continued and Luke felt his heart sink; he knew it was too good to be true. Ashton was the epitome of perfection, it's simply impossible not to fall for him. But, the fact that it was Liam, made it harder to take. Liam was strong and smart, funny and gentle. Everything Luke knew he wasn't.

"O-oh." The blonde shakily spoke, fingering his hair carefully.

"Yeah. Typical, I know. The 'best friends but one fall for the other' love story. How cliché of me. I can't help it, though. And, now that you guys are done, I can make a move."

"What the fuck?" Luke sat up quickly, his face illuminated by moonlight from the window and making him appear much more pale than he was, but also more distraught. "Just because I break up with him--though I don't even know if I really did, you decide you can finally go for him?"

"Well, yeah. Ashton's fucking hot and I'm sure he's somewhat into me. That's just how things work." Liam felt smugness course through his body, thrilled by how jealous he was making Luke but also excited at the fact that Ashton could finally be his. After months of waiting, they would finally be together.

"How fucking fair is that! I'm in love with him, we're just--going through some things right now. But we'll work it out. We have to." Luke tried to defend himself and Ashton, but it sounded more as if he was trying to convince himself rather than Liam; there was no confidence in his words as he spoke and he felt like he was choking every time he said 'we'--because he was scared. He was scared that maybe there wouldn't be a 'we' for Ashton and himself anymore.

"If you were in love with him, and if you were working things out, why are you rooming with me and he with Michael?"

Luke could slowly feel himself unravelling, never one who was able to handle the tragic truth of the situation. Reality, however, was giving him a gigantic slap in the face: Ashton is not yours anymore, and it's your own fault. You left a suicidal and self-harming person with nightmares and a sleepwalking condition alone, and this is the result. You've lost him.

And Liam was winning, after all.

This spun Luke back into control, thinking of this all as a competition. In a way it was, just for all the wrong reasons. Although, he could see himself winning in the end; right now he may be the tortoise, but he will win against the hare. Nothing could stop him from getting Ashton back--not even a brunette, six foot, muscular guy who has every intention to take Ashton for himself.

"Fuck you, Liam," Luke said as he curled up on himself with his back to the brunette. "This isn't a competition. And even if it were, I would win; Ashton loves me and I love him, so no matter fucking what we will come back to each other--that's just how fate works. And you'll be kissing my ass. My sweet, sweet, motherfucking white ass."

-

IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS CHAPTER AND ITS 1304 WORDS YES OK BYE