The Frotteurist (Paraphilia Series, 2)

Wakas

Wakas

Idinilat ko ang mga mata ko at agad sinalubong ng pamilyar na puting kisameng dalawang buwan ko nang binubulungan ng Magandang Umaga. Pinunasan ko agad ang gilid ng bibig ko upang tanggalin ang hinalang traces ng panis na laway dahil baka may pumasok na bisita. Nangyari na kasi sa akin noong nakaraang linggo.

“You’re awake now. Breakfast?” Nel greeted. She was leaning back on the sofa near the hospital bed I'm lying at. Bumangon siya agad nang makita ang pagdilat ng mga mata ko.

“No, I’m not hungry.” I told her. She looked at me for a moment, as if appreciating my existence before sitting on the edge of my bed.

“I’m sorry.” she started again and carressed my hand with IV Drip needled to it.

Nel is still guilty. She’s been saying I’m sorry for two months now. The day I was rushed to the hospital after passing out because of that horrible event, Nel’s was hysterically crying blaming herself about what happened to me. It turned out that she went back to San Martin to look for me. She thought I went back after hearing what happened to Tito Glenn.

I’m thanking God that she thought I went back. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung nagkataong bumalik siya ng apartment para hanapin ako. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung may mangyaring ikapapahamak niya.

Esme is supposed to be prisoned, but I heard that she stabbed herself when the surrounded her after breaking the door. It was Russell who called the police. There's been wanted signs on the street pointing to Esme. It was the maid in Tito Glenn's house who witnessed and comfirmed his murder. Esme indeed is the culprit.

“It’s okay, Nel.” sambit ko at saka binigyan siya ng tipid na ngiti. Bumuntong hininga siya bago hinawi ang buhok kong bumaba sa mukha ko. Tapos ay hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. She was fighting not to cry in front of me. I can sense that. But she immediately broke down to another set of tears.

“I’m sorry.” Nel’s voice quivered as her shoulders shook, crying. “I should have been a good sister to you. Hindi ko alam na gano’n pala ang nangyari. And it was me who pushed you back to her. I’m so sorry, Lussil.”

I was admitted back to Dr. Cielo. Bumabalik siya dito two times a week for my consultation with her. Dr. Cielo talked to her as well to inform her about what happened, with my permission of course. She advised that I should see people I’m familiar with in the past. Those people I at least trust, or feel comfortable with. After all, according to her magandang practice daw sa akin ‘yon at for moral support na rin. Millicent’s been visiting me too whenever she’s free. And some of the old members of our club in college. But I never saw them came together. Maybe, they are too busy to plan for visitation. Sinusubukan lang nilang bumisita kapag may time talaga sila.

The reason why I was confined in a hospital was because after my breakdown, Nel said I was found crying and scratching at myself too hard. I was naked and out of my mind. My skin was bleeding red as I continue to scratch it as if trying to peel my skin off. That made Nel question everything she ever believed in. I was wailing and yet unconscious of what I’m doing.

I think, I was unconsciously affected by Esme's last words for me. I think it was me haunted by what she said. That I could replace her. That I could be what she became. Maybe, it was me afraid that I became exactly like her. I shivered just thinking about it now. I couldn’t even imagine the two months I had gone through especially in my therapy sessions.

How fascinating is the mind, really? We could forget about what happened. We could relieve ourselves of the process of pain as we experience a thing once we passed by it. But the feeling, it lingers. Only the feeling lingers.