The Frotteurist (Paraphilia Series, 2)

Kabanata 26

Kabanata 26

MUSIC speaks when mouth can’t.

I strummed the guitar lying on my top, as I lied on my bed staring at the same ceiling.

It was Betty Mae who encouraged me to learn the guitar when I was younger.

I remembered Nel getting frustrated when she can’t get to me because I was so absorbed with my guitar.

Betty Mae gave me another chance in life.

With that, I am forever grateful.

It was hard for me to speak back then; to give my opinions, and to release my emotions. I was locked up. My body was caged up. I remembered the first time I met Dr. Cielo. Noong dinala ako ni Betty Mae at ipinacheck-up niya ako.

There was nothing wrong with me, she said. I am not sick, but my mental health is not stable and so is the memory of my body.

Sabi ni Dr. Cielo, matalino ang katawan ng tao. It can’t forget faster as the human brain. Lalo na kung paulit-ulit nangyari. It tends to go back, and sometimes leave either a bad or a good result.

In terms of myself—

The result was not good, as it was not that bad either.

I know I was not normal the moment Millicent walked up her golden ass over me. She told me something about myself that I am aware of.

Frotteurism.

She claimed I have those, and I claimed I did.

A sexual disorder I gained due to several reasons, which wasn’t still clear to me, until now.

That’s when it all came back to me. The therapies I’m having when I was younger, but why am I having it? Just because of a perverted habit of grabbing another person’s private parts?

Nel only knew that I was having therapy sessions when I was younger because I have nightmares. Ayun lang ang sabi ni Betty Mae sa kaniya. So, she paid no heed to it.

Frotteurism? She said it was the rich’s money talking. Mayaman siya kaya maraming nakakausap na doctor, at kung anu-anong pinapalamon sa kaniya when she wasn’t even diagnosed of it.

She’s healthy.

According to Nel, Mill is just a horny teenager. She never acknowledged her theory about me. I tried to tell her that I did have therapy sessions about it when I was younger but she immediately dismissed it. She didn’t want me to dwell on the past. She said it brought back sad memories. Might as well live peacefully on the present time.

Wala na rin akong nagawa kundi ipagpatuloy ang nasimulan.

I knew something’s wrong.

It wasn’t normal that I crave to grab some stranger’s private part. I don’t act normal. So, I went after Mill and I listened to her. I was diagnosed Frotteurism again. The therapist asked me certain questions that dugged deep in my mind that I started to ditch it every week.

Am I just fucked up because of my unhealthy upbringing? Dahil ba pokpok si Betty Mae? How did I became like this? I wouldn’t know.

Humigpit ang lalamunan ko gayong nagdadagsaan na ang mga ideya sa isipan ko. Nagsisiksikan sa sulok ng isipan ko. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang una kong iisipin.

Kapag hindi pa ako nakakuha ng matinong sagot, right here, right now, I don’t know what I could do about it.

Bumukas ang pinto ng kuwarto ko. Mula sa kaunting biyak, sumulpot ang ulo ni Russell.