Kabanata 40
KUMARIPAS kami ng takbo ni Russell matapos makababa ng speedboat. Hawak niya ang susi na bigay ni Paneng. Maaari daw naming gamitin ang isa pang truck sa dockhouse.
Hindi na nag-atubili pang magpaliwanag si Russell at dali-dali nang ipinaandar ang speedboat. Sa ingay ng motor nito, ay rinig ko pa rin ang kumakalabog kong puso. Puno ng takot. Pakiramdam ko ay nasa ngala-ngala ko na ang puso ko, at handa nang tumalon palabas sa aking bunganga nang dahil sa takot sa mga nangyayari.
How can everything ends up to Tito Glen’s death?
How could she do this to him? How could she stomach killing someone?
Hinawakan ni Russell nang mahigpit ang kamay ko nang makababa kami sa dock. Iniwan niya lamang rin sa bench malapit sa dockhouse ang susi at nagtatakbo na kami palabas sa kalsada upang hanapin ang masasakyan naming truck.
“Everything will be alright, Lussi. I will protect you as long as I can.” Russell managed to say and pulled me in for a tight side hug as we catched our breaths, still marching towards the parking space.
“I don’t know what to do without you.” I murmured and sighed in his shoulder, following his barging footsteps.
“I love you.” aniya nang makarating na kami sa unang truck. Binuksan niya ang pinto at agad na akong pinapasok. I gave him a smile, but not enough to prove him I'm fine. Inalalayan niya ako papasok sa passenger seat, at bahagya pang hinaplos ang kamay ko upang sabihing magiging maayos rin ang lahat, bago niya isinara ang pinto upang umikot at pumasok sa driver's seat.
Buong biyahe, hapang tinatahak namin ang highway, palapit nang palapit sa aming destinasyon, mas lalong kumikirot ang kalabog ng akin dibdib. Hindi ako mapakali. Kung maaari lang na tanggalin na ang puso ko sa dibdib nang mawala na ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Napayakap na lang ako sa aking sarili, kasabay ng pagtulo ng akin luha.
Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko, kapag may nangyaring masama kay Nel. I left her alone to fend for herself. It’s my fault for being so selfish. I never once consider her as someone that I love. As someone I can live without. Nel was always there for me. But I just stayed with her because I'm used to her being around me.
I’m never realized how self-absorbed I really was. And it’s all my fault if Esme kills her too.
“Don’t cry.” I heard Russell said when he swiftly glanced at me. “Please, Lus, trust me. We'll get there. Don’t cry please. I don’t want to be distracted by your tears. Mapipilitan akong ihinto ang kotse.”
Napabuntong hininga na lang ako bago pinunsan ang sarili kong mukha. Hindi ko namalayang basang-basa na ng luha ang aking mukha.
“I just never told Nel how much I love her as a sister, as my family.” I opened up. I cried to be strong saying the words, but my voice still cracked, and a tear rolled down my cheek. I immediately wiped it for him not to notice it.
“Nel will be fine.” Russell reminded me and gave me a reassuring smile. I sighed once again and tried to calm myself.
Nel will be fine, I iterated to myself. She will be fine.
***
All I could hear my loud footsteps as climb up the stairs on our apartment building.
My heavy heart was making it so hard to move from one place to another, causing my knees to throb. I’ll fall down if I mistakenly took a wrong move as my breathing increased. I was getting near our apartment. My conscious is eating me up as we get near our destination. I couldn’t help but feel guiltier as we moved.
BINABASA MO ANG
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