forced destiny // L.S.

nineteen

Haz

It happened. Already three times. Harry had found someone who wasn't familiar with the business or whatsoever. He had found someone to sign the contract.

A young, blond haired woman, as beautiful as the sunrise. Skin like porcelain, but unfortunately it also felt like it.

Cold, lifeless and empty on the inside. No warmth of any kind, but she would get the job done.

Louis had agreed, but only because he didn't care. He also had the same option as Harry, but he didn't once think about getting someone.

At first Louis didn't really realize it and it didn't seem real, that was until Harry came home late after the first time.

Harry had slept with the woman.
He had filled the void with the woman, getting what he wanted. In his head this was a way to get out from his planned out life, from the forced attachment. By sleeping with people who didn't mean anything to him, other than a quick hook up, he felt like he was living according to his old ways again.

That's what it felt like to him, until he went home to his husband. To the person he would spent the rest of his life with.

It was late, around 3 AM and Harry just entered the house, trying to make little to almost no noise. He didn't want to wake up Louis, mostly because he didn't want to mess up his sleep, but also because he couldn't face him right now. He knew that Louis knew what he was doing.

Harry washed his face, brushed his teeth and changed clothes, stepping into their shared bedroom. His eyes immediately landed on Louis' figure, his back was turned to Harry and the covers were up to his shoulders. Harry's stomach clenched at the sight of Harry's side of the bed, which was completely untouched and it almost looked cold.

He carefully shoved the covers aside and laid down pulling the covers over his body again. As he laid there he thought about everything that happened the past hours.

He remembered leaving the house after he told Louis that he was heading out. He saw Louis' expression, it was not like he was judging him, but he felt his eyes linger on him for a bit longer than usual. Almost like Louis wanted him to know that he knew.

He remembered meeting up with the woman at a hotel. He remembered touching her body, kissing every inch of her skin. He remembered her touching him, everywhere. He remembered everything they did and a sudden guilt creeped up in him.

He felt disgusting and unworthy of sleeping next to his husband. Sleeping next to Louis. The whole time Louis had done nothing, but respect him and compromise for his wishes and Harry had disrespected him over and over again, but this time it was worse because Louis agreed on it. He agreed on this kind of disrespect because Harry insisted.

Harry twisted and turned trying to fall asleep but the guilt was eating him up alive. He felt dirty. He look to the side watching how Louis body slightly raised with every soft intake of air. His breathing was relaxed like he was in a deep slumber.

His green eyes stared at him for a bit longer. He felt like he didn't deserve sleeping next to him, so he slowly got up and went into the living room.

His life was a damn lie.

Little did he know that Louis was awake and witnessed everything. He had witnessed Harry leaving him, again.

Even though Harry felt extremely guilty this process repeated itself about another two times. He just couldn't stop it, it was the only thing that made him feel somewhat normal again.

But what should one expect from someone who has never felt love?

The couple just completely ignored it even though they both knew what Harry was doing. When Louis had asked him why he was sleeping on the couch Harry always answered with "I came home late, I didn't want to wake you up."