I woke up the next day to a sound of something being dropped outside the door. Something, by hearing the noise, like a metal tray. I opened my eyes and lazily rubbed them as I observed Taehyung, who didn't even flinch, probably not even hearing the noise. I looked down and noticed my covered hands, his sweater still keeping me warm. Since Taehyung was asleep and had his back turned to me, I decided to quickly change. I put on my very old jeans and took off the knitted sweater and a top, only to put the sweater back on. Part of me was practical about it, the morning temperature being slightly colder, and the other part just wanted to keep his soft, cool looking and clean sweater on.
I walked out of the room, barely making any sounds as I enter the quite noisy hallways. Thank god that the thick walls of our room were enough to block the noise every day.
I walked down the hallway, and tried to remember every single detail about last night. It baffled me how could he like me this much when I'm so demanding and aggressive with words. And his words are often so fragile, mainly because his usage of words and sentences makes it often difficult to understand what he's getting at. When people talk, we turn our feelings into words, slightly morphing them into another perspective that another human being would understand. But Taehyung has his own perspective, not wanting to let it be perceived the other way, so he lets you think about it and feels burdened when he needs to explain. So because he doesn't think how would he explain his emotions in a simple way through words, his words often sound overly emotional and can get pathetic at times. But I don't know why my mind overthought the way he speaks, when it sounds so caring and thoughtful.
My mind was trying to protect me, but also male sure that Taehyung wouldn't hurt me, like people, boys, had in the past. On top of all the other things, getting fucked over was the last thing I needed, so my mind was focused on slowing my emotions down. Like always, my emotions were confused. As I tried to balance each one out, it only started a worse mess. So we're playing it safe. And I hope I won't fall for his charms or his weird, yet cute hobby of collecting daisies.
I glanced at the big blue clock that was hanging in the interaction room. I widened my eyes when I realized it was almost lunch time. Taehyung and I really did stay out very long on the roof. No wonder he's still asleep.
I walked to the art room that was just a few steps away to the left from the interaction lobby. Sana greeted me inside the room with a warm and a smile that somehow shined sudden hope. "dah! This sweater looks so pretty on you." She smiled and stroked my shoulder. "Thanks, Sana" I smiled back and walked to the empty table that had one half of it plastered with sunlight flares that shone through the window. "You're in a good mood." she softly spoke, standing at the opposite table, helping some patients while they were drawing already. "I guess so, I don't know actually. The better I feel, the more I sense I'm going to get worse and snap." I whispered and pulled a larger paper from the stack to my left. Sana sent me a worried glance. "Don't worry, dah. Use this good mood while it lasts then. Don't feel burdened to feel certain things and don't try to come across as tough or untouchable. You're a human being. And no one's gonna hurt you here anymore." she warmly spoke, stroking my hair. I often consider Sana being as my mother figure. How could I not after she helps me this much and cares about me like a mother would with a child. She said on many occasions that she perceives me as a daughter of a one weird yet beautiful kind.
"Thanks Sana. You always know what to say." I smiled the same way she did. She walked to the other side of the room, keeping an eye out on us. I sat for a few minutes in silence, thinking about what should I draw. I bit on the pencil, trying to concentrate. My head immediately turned to the door when I heard a sound of someone coming in. It was sleepy Taehyung, of course, putting the napkin back in his pocket after he touched the doorknob. Without a thought, I slightly panicked upon seeing him and nervously looked around. Sana eyed me with provoking curiosity, probably onto me that I might trust Taehyung enough to like him.
Our other ward mates, greeted Taehyung and with a bright smile, like always, he walked over to their table, not even noticing me. A small smile on my lips disappeared once I realized he didn't know I was in the room at all. I pulled the knitted sleeves over my fingers, making it look like 'sweater paws' as I clenched the soft fabric, desperately trying to relax. After a few minutes of me eavesdropping a random conversations he had with them, I sighed and started sketching. I sensed Taehyung coming closer to me. I looked up and caught eye contact with him. "You're going to sit here with me?" I questioned in a doubtful tone, motioning with my head towards the other ward mates and an empty seat at their table. He sat down and sighed.
"You looked lonely, so I came here." He said, focusing on taking out two of his sanitized and not dull pencils and an eraser. "I'm not lonely." I said and looked down, focusing on my sketch. "Okay. You're not. I'll always know though-" He tried to speak but I cut him off, looking directly into him. "Okay, so you came out of pity?" I questioned to which he immediately denied. "Why are you friends with those losers?" I scoffed, sending an annoyed stare their way. "I'm friends with everyone." He said, to which I couldn't really argue, because it was fairly truthful. "Ugh." I groaned. "Your angry when I'm right?" He questioned with a smirk as he began drawing. "Very." I said and avoided eye contact with him, knowing I would start giggling. For a few minutes I observed Taehyung's drawing. The boy had an unique style indeed. He also had some talent that he showed, so it had potential to be good with practice, to which I hoped he would take.
"You like drawing caricatures?" I asked, smiling when I glanced at his paper. His lips curled up into a smile immediately when he saw me smiling too. "Yeah, but I'm more into graffiti." He said and looked down as he kept focusing on his work. "Really? Didn't know you were a bit on the edge with the law. Ever been arrested?" I asked with a chuckle, obviously joking, but Taehyung's mood switched for a second before he spoke. His hand stiffened for a second and his eyes searched the corners of the paper before he spoke. "Yeah." He quickly said and focused on his drawing. "Wow. Someone was in trouble." I commented, ignoring his puzzling reaction. "It's not really like that-" He tried to truthfully speak but stopped himself half way. "Never mind." He said and continued drawing. Not wanting to force him to say something he doesn't want to, like I usually do, I simply spoke. "Okay." I said and shrugged. He cocked his head to the side and opened his mouth to speak in sudden confusion. "You're not gonna force me to tell you?" He let out a confused tone. "Don't want to." I casually answered. He stared at me for a while as I could feel his eyes capturing me. After a few seconds of silence, his facial expression snapped back to a serious one.
"Listen, about last night-" He started speaking as I felt my heart drop to my stomach and my neck suffocating itself slightly. I carefully listened and tried my best to not seem affected. I took a breath and looked up into him, letting him speak. "I know that the really soft version of you yesterday night wasn't what you like showing, or wasn't who you...are, like, most of the time." He tried to explain and even though it could come out wrong, I knew what he was getting at.
"I heard you have some issues from the past, and I understand that-" He continued speaking and I had to cut him off, trying to process what he had said. "What? Where'd you get that from?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. He widened his eyes, slightly scared by my sudden change of emotion. "It's okay-" He spoke but I cut him off. "No, it's not okay, it's all lies." I spoke, trying to calm down. "Hey, it's really okay." He said and instinctively went to hold my hand that rested on the table but stopped himself and looked away, frustrated. "I want to do it but it hurts." He mumbled, looking down. "What?" I questioned, pretending I didn't understand that it had to do with him making a physical contact with me. He ignored and looked up, continuing the topic.
