Absolutely no sleep. My body was exhausted, but mind went through many stages. My eyes were red from crying and I cursed myself for letting this affect me this much. Taehyung's face looked so peaceful as he was sleeping. The room was now in complete daylight, making the daisies appear brighter. An interesting thought about Taehyung's daisies sparked inside my head. A thought that he will probably decorate the room with more daisies, because for now it seems to lack a lot compared to the start. But the older ones seem to die every single day, leaving him nervously add fresher ones, as much as he could.
Taehyung moved his legs under the covers, slightly stretching as he slowly opened his eyes. My exhausted senses flinched upon seeing his movements. I quickly got up and closed the window, discarding the 3 cigarette empty packs into the bin before he could notice. Taehyung slowly held himself up by his elbows, running a hand through his messy hair. His soft puffy face from sleeping, didn't match his manly morning voice at all. "Good morning." He spoke, looking around as he felt confused. I walked over closer and sat on his bed. Does he remember the way I felt around him when he dug himself into me? Does he remember my hand wrapped around his length and my lips attached to his neck? My tired out body and brain only had one idea in mind, to test Taehyung if he remembers any of it. Would he lie so I would be pleased?
"Good morning." I faked a smirk, hoping my puffy eyes wouldn't give me away. I sat on his bed and carefully observed all his movements, mesmerized by his hands like I've always been. Taehyung's eyes gave away desperate need to remember last night. "We had fun last night, huh?" I faked a chuckle, trying to test him. "Do you remember it?" I questioned, looking right into his eyes that had slight panic noticeable in them. He tried to mask it, immediately lying. "Oh, yeah, of-of course. It was great." He forced a fake giggle out, nervously stroking the back of his neck. "Were you in pain?" I questioned. "Uh-no. I think-No. No I wasn't at all." He nervously chucked, looking completely obvious he couldn't remember anything, so he desperately lied to not hurt me. I couldn't play along anymore. It all somehow seemed differently in my head, but this was enough for me. Enough of a test. Enough for feeling my eyes water. "What's wrong? What did I do?" Taehyung immediately picked upon my sighs and troubled expressions stuck on my face. "We didn't do much." I spoke, to which he completely sat up, carefully sinking in all my words. "Taehyung, I appreciate the fact that you don't want to hurt me so you'd rather pretend to remember, but last night should have never happened." I spoke up, feeling my voice break. "You didn't do anything, Mouse. It's all my fault." I said and started to cry. Taehyung jumped out my bed in an instant, coming closer to me. He sat next to me and clenched his fists hard to prepare himself.
He cupped my cheek and wiped a tear away. "What's wrong?" He questioned, his unbelievably pure eyes widening at my sudden reaction. I scooted back and looked right into him. "You were so out of it. It hurt me seeing you that numb. You said you felt nothing, Taehyung. But our goal was for you to feel something beautiful. And it's all my fault for suggesting that idea." I said and covered my face with my hands, trying to wipe my tears away. Taehyung's eyes were left full of pain and misfortune. He spoke up, trying to be the stronger one. He didn't know how to touch me or what to even do to comfort me. "Dah, It's not your fault. I agreed to it too. Don't blame yourself, please." He kept repeating over and over again, until I spoke another thing that was burdening my sleep deprived mind. "You kept telling me 'I thought you wanted this' while I was moving away from you." I spoke up and continued, observing his widened eyes of confusion. "I didn't want to see you like that, Mouse. You weren't even aware of who the fuck you were and how you got there, and I just knew I was hurting this version of you. The version that knows damn well how you got here." I said and wiped my tear. "I'm sorry for doing that to you-" I tried to finish but I was cut off by his lips pressed against mine. He gathered all the strength he could as he cupped both my cheeks, making me look directly into him. "Don't apologize. The fact you're still here with me is enough. It's no one's fault. Please don't blame yourself." He softly spoke, leaving a few pecks on my lips. I noticed his face scrunched for a quick moment once he tasted my cigarette worn out lips. "Of course I'm here." I said and continued. "You don't need to be terrified of me." I whispered, reminding him of what he had said whilst we were kissing last night. Taehyung's eyes slightly sparked and widened, remembering what I was talking about. "I remember saying that." He said and let go of my cheeks, immediately brushing his hand against the other for no apparent reason. "The rest is blur, though." He spoke, looking down. "I can fill you in at breakfast." I softly spoke, feeling relaxed. He managed to smile, noticing how he made me relax. "That would be helpful." He spoke whilst scratching the back of his neck.
