That was also one of the reasons I admired Mouse. The way he handled situations so easily, even though I knew he had a mess of his own inside his mind too. The way he always managed to know what to say, even if he wasn't good with words majority of the time. I envied him for being so pure and not selfish, everything that contrasted my own personality. And Mouse is always willing to sacrifice himself for others. The truth is, even right now as he holds me, I know he's in pain. He's in a constant pain of regret and the stinging pain of touches that he tries to hide. Sometimes Mouse is so good at hiding it makes me think he's cured from his phobia. But he's far from it. He's stubborn against his phobia, not letting it take everything he's ever loved away from him. So even though he feels pain, he knows it's worth it. Because he shows love. And that's always been his life.
"I'm sorry, I'm s-sorry." I winced, making him rest his head against my own. "Shhh, don't apologize. Cry it all out. It's fine. I'm fine." He spoke so softly, making my heart and mind melt into the comfort his voice so freely offered. I held onto him tightly, loving the way his clean t-shirt attacked my nostrils with the lovely scent of his.
Mouse is one of a kind. The way he held me like that for many minutes till I cried it out, made me feel so vulnerable to him, ignoring the fact that it's not bad to be vulnerable towards certain people. I hated the part of me that always ignored the positive sides because it always left me feeling confused. To me, there's only black and white. The grey in the middle represents my inner thoughts that often confuse me and the worn out remains of my well being. Taehyung is colors. Not 2 or 4 of them, he's all the colors there are in this world. His sensibility pushes my thoughts to break out of the norm that every thought should be divided. I think and feel so many colors, but I cry because a little grey got involved in the mix of black and white. So, after I was done crying, the numbing feel left me feeling like it was all pointless. Every manic episode always leaves me feeling like it was pointless. The fire of my thoughts burns out, and my subconscious wipes off the colour grey out of the equation. And once again it's black and white, a never ending temptation to subconsciously mix them together again.
I managed to pull away from him, sighing to myself once feeling my eyes slightly burn from crying. "You feel any better, dah?" He softly asked, stroking my upper thigh. I nodded and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "See? I told you you'll feel better." He smiled for my own sake, moving his hand from my thigh and squeezed my hand gently. "Thanks, Mouse. I don't know what happened-" I tried to speak but his comforting tone cut me off, making me feel more calm. "I know, you don't have to justify yourself, you know I love you." He spoke casually, looking for something. I smiled and got closer to him. I positioned my hand onto his thigh, making him giggle at the sudden random imitation of his own previous affectionate action towards me. He turned all his attention to me as I went for his cheek with my other hand and guided him to my lips. "I love you too, Mouse." I spoke and placed a peck onto his lips. "I love when you call me Mouse. Almost all your sentences end with that lately." He spoke as he closed his eyes, attaching his lips with mine. "That's so cute, Mouse." I spoke as I broke off the kiss, making him giggle. "See. Exactly what I mean." He giggled, making me gently nudge on his arm. "Oh shut up." I playfully spoke. "Shut up, what?" He said through a chuckle, teasing me. "Shut up, Mouse." I whispered a few seconds after and softly smiled once seeing his pleased facial expression. "There you go." He whispered and went for my lips again, attacking them with kisses. I deepened the kiss when I brushed my tongue against his bottom lip, making him part his mouth open. He started to breath out his nose as he was kissing me, still stroking my hand that was placed on his thigh. He used his tongue slightly as he kissed me, more focused on my lips. He gently sucked on my bottom lip, making me do the same just after he had done it. He kissed me with passion, his skillful technique taking over me and my troubled mind.
He softly stroked my cheek with his thumb, leaving more deeper and longer kisses as I let him do so. We slowed down our kisses and continued kissing deeply, pulling away after every long kiss. After a few seconds, I pulled away from the deepened kiss and observed his eyes that slowly opened. "We should go, right?" He giggled as he observed me. I nodded with a giggle back, moving my hand away from his thigh. He turned on the engine and prepared himself to drive. I wiped my mouth from the wetness that was left on my lips and glanced at his ears, that perked up as soon as the car started moving. he drove out of the alley, waiting for me to guide him to my parents' home.
My home. The closer I was to it, the more I became nervous and excited. I knew that the hospital surely contacted her as fast as they noticed I was missing. I wish that she could know that I'm okay. I'm more than okay this way. I wish that she's expecting to see me soon, very soon. She must be so worried, but I hope that she's aware that even I'm able to change. After all these years I miss her soft spoken words and her caring arms. The thought of me being close to them than ever sent shivers down my spine and made my heart race. Squeezing Taehyung's hand as he drove, I knew everything would be okay.
