"I'm so glad you're doing this for me, Mouse." I smiled and softly sighed as I tried to collect the courage to ring the bell at the main door of my home. We stood by the white wooden staircase that led to the door, making me remember many memories. Many good memories, like the time I drew the tree to my left, sitting on this exact spot. Or my first kiss in the cheek, with a unusually shy boy that wanted a kiss but couldn't take the initiative. I remember my blue summer dress and my much smaller arms as I had to press my lips against his cheeks as we sat on these stairs. I remember his red face after I kissed him, and the sounds of our giggles that desperately wanted to keep that kiss a secret. A huge part of me was left in this house as I had to leave for the hospital. A huge part of me that never grew up into a giggly teen or an independent woman. My much smaller arms and my childhood existence is trapped in this house as everyone else, even that boy, grew up to be someone. Finished real schools with real people and didn't have to deal with the troubling thought of escaping medication as they would escape a heartbreak.
"I'll hang here. If you need me I can come up to the door, don't worry." He spoke as he put his hands in his pockets. I nodded and sighed. With a wave of courage that washed over me, I took one step up the stairs but turn my head to Taehyung after wanting to give him an interesting piece of information that I surely knew would make him giggle. "Mouse? You know-" I started speaking as I raised my tone, catching his attention. "You know when you asked me about me ever falling in love that one time at breakfast?" I spoke in a curious tone, immediately getting a smiling nod from him. I nodded and scoffed a giggle out as I spoke. "1st grade. My first kiss. Right where I'm standing." I spoke and looked at him. He raised his eyebrows slightly, giggling to himself. "That was one lucky boy." He answered, making my heart rush. "I know a luckier man than him." I spoke and he immediately motioned with his hands towards himself in a playful manner, all proud of himself. "Shouldn't have said that to feed your ego." I shook my head with a giggle as I walked up the stairs. He disapproved my words of having an ego as he tried to mask his giggliness with a serious expression.
I walked up the stairs and immediately felt my heart clench once I raised my hand towards the bell. I tried to force my fingers to press the button but felt myself stopping out of fear. "C'mon, Dahyun." I whispered to myself, taking a few deep breaths of encouragement. I pressed the button in a quick second, all panicked once I heard the door bell noise ring from the inside. I took a step back as stood on the front porch, waiting for those awfully long seconds to pass by. The sound of doors unlocking made me quickly glance to Taehyung, who had his entire attention devoted to me. I glanced back at the door once they opened, making me catch an eye contact with the woman no daughter should long for. Her shocked expression made her freeze on spot as she observed my face that somehow was filled with too much emotion. "dahyun?" She spoke in a non believing matter, not being able to understand what was happening. Her shorter black hair matched her light blue cardigan she still wore after many years. "Hey mom." I spoke, loving the way I could say that out loud. Her cried out eyes instantly made me think about how she had probably reacted after hearing I ran away.
Unfortunately, I've seen her cried out eyes many times, but It never was quite like this. Her eyes showed confusion and I often found similarities in her cried out eyes with mine. "I missed you, mom." I spoke through my voice that was choked up with emotion. I immediately went closer and pulled her in for a hug as she instantly reached her arms out to me. "I can't believe you're here. Is this real?" She spoke as some tears escaped her already red eyes, making me lean into her hug even more. "It's real. I'm here." I softly spoke and pulled away. "You're okay. I was so scared when I heard you ran away-" She spoke, stroking my arms as she observed my figure to make sure I wasn't hurt. "I had to. And I had to see you." I spoke and continued, making her look instantly sink in everything I was saying. "I read all the letters. I'm so sorry for being the way I was. So selfish and ignorant and I loathe myself because of that. I'm sorry for not letting you or anyone else visit. The biggest mistake of my life." I spoke and looked down as I felt tears roll down my cheeks. "Oh, honey." She managed to speak through her broken voice, pulling me in for another hug. "I forgive you. We all do. Every day we hoped you'd come, and now you're here and after all these years, that's what matters. Are you feeling better, honey?" She spoke as she stroked my cheek, wiping my tears off. "I'm great. I've changed completely after reading the letters, thanks to one person." I spoke and earned a curious glance from her. "Really? Who is it?" She spoke and I turned around, pointing towards Taehyung who was observing us. He held some daisies in his hands as he counted them, making me hate the fact how little to no there were. He softly waved at us, making me break a smile. "Well bring him in, let's all get inside." She softly spoke and motioned for Taehyung to come up. He observed a little blankly, not knowing what to do. "It's okay, Mouse. Come up." I smiled and glanced at my mother who smiled upon hearing me call him by his nickname. He put the daisies inside as he greeted my mother and came up the stairs.
"Everything okay?" He questioned, moving closer to me as we walked inside. He answered a random question my mother asked as I closed the door and didn't focus on anything but his ears that perked up upon focusing on a question. "Yeah, everything's good. I hoped for a reaction like this one, so I couldn't be happier." I spoke and softly smiled. "What's the daisy count?" I asked to break off the sudden silence, already hating his answer. His smile soon disappeared as he looked deeply into my eyes. He sighed and looked down before answering nervously. "4." He spoke, making me widen my eyes. "What? How? You had 12 when we left the hospital." I spoke and furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, accidentally making him more nervous. "I also had almost 500 when I got to the hospital." He spoke in a quite nervous tone that accidentally came off a bit agitated. "What are you trying to say?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, only to earn a shrug from him. "Never mind, let's just go talk with your mother." He spoke and walked past me, making me sigh and stare at the wall, trying not to lose my calmness.
Before my mind could invade my thoughts again, a familiar voice broke off the silence, making me snap my attention to it. "Unnie? You're here?" I heard that beautiful and frail voice speak. It was my sister, and I observed the way she excitedly ran towards me, making me widen my eyes at how big she got. "Oh my god, Yeri. You're so Big now." I spoke as I couldn't believe her beauty, deeply staring into her. Little Yeri is now 12, just one year younger than Minjee, who'd I think get along with her just fine. I rested my head onto hers, kissing the top of her head. "Have you seen all my drawings?" She spoke in a curious tone. "Of course I did, kiddo. I loved them all." I softly spoke and smiled. I glanced to the kitchen and noticed Taehyung who was politely talking to my mother. He stared at me once he saw me hug my sister, a soft smile appearing on his face. Our little tensions were always forgotten about with a smile that as much as it helped to the situation, made us suppress our feelings until we'd snap, hurting each other like we had done a couple of times.
"I missed you so much, Dah. You look like a real woman now." She spoke which made me giggle. "Well thank you, you're not so far off from being one too." I spoke in a playful manner as she took my hand and guided me to the kitchen. She slightly stiffened once she noticed Taehyung sitting in the kitchen. My mom smiled at her sudden surprised expression, trying to reassure her it was fine. "Don't worry, this is Taehyung." My mother said, pointing to him. "Hello." He purely smiled, immediately making her smile too. "Yeah, we...we uhh, went out of the hospital, and he's my-." I tried to explain but stopped myself once I couldn't label him and our relationship. "My, uhh-" I tried to find words as Taehyung cockily stared at me, curiously observing what I tried to express. My mom raised an eyebrow and with a half hidden smile tried to observe my words and actions. Ara just confusedly looked at me, trying to understand. "Like a boyfriend?" She suddenly spat out, making it sound so casual. I choked on air but before I could answer, Taehyung cut me off. "Yeah. I'd say so." He smiled, making Yeri immediately tease me. "Oooooh, dahyun has a boyfriend. An actual boyfriend that she likes and kisses-" She teased me in a incredibly childish tone, making me roll my eyes. Taehyung giggled at her actions, looking back at me. "Don't feed the trolls, Mouse." I spoke and shook my head, making him giggle even more.
Mouse smiled once realising my shyness about us being together. I never looked at it that way, but realized from movies when I was a kid that all Mouse and I do are the things two young people like us would do in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. Somehow even that managed to sound immature inside my head, and my perception of love was too strong without me knowing what love actually is. I think love is shown in many ways. When Mouse touches me eve though he feels discomfort or pain, that's love. When he puts me in front of his own well being, that's love. That's how I know Mouse loves me. And I love him. I love him for little reasons that he never quite understood and I don't think anyone could. Even I can barely understand the true meaning of that emotion of mine. Compared to all the troubling emotions I feel, my love for Mouse seems like a piece of cake. And that's love.
6 more chapters to go-
