Nausea. It was a common thing for that condition. I remember reading a large brown medical book in our library a few years ago. It was talking about many phobias, one of them being haphephobia. I never knew I would meet someone with that condition, because to me it always was fascinating at how such a mental thing can be connected to the entire body. It amused me how a human body connected those two sides so easily. Nausea, hyperventilation, rashes and an intense heart beat change were all the aftereffects of just feeling a touch, something we feel and easily ignore on a daily bases. Me being not touched at all, other than Sana stroking my shoulders to calm me down, and now Taehyung, made me crave a touch or a hug, and Taehyung feared it. A bad combination.
"Rat, are you okay?" I timidly asked, worrying about him. I moved closer, but kept distance in fear he might feel bad again. I wiped my cheeks and observed for any signs he would feel better now. "I'm-I'm fine." He said and wiped his mouth.
He stood up and I followed him to stand up too. "Why did you do that?" I softly asked, not being angry at him anymore. His breathing slowly returned back to normal as he looked into my eyes before he spoke. "To comfort you." He said and continued, leaning against the bars. "I haven't had this phobia my whole life. I used to like hugs to calm me down. So I just didn't want to see you cry." He softly spoke, and all I could do was stare. "You don't need to do that if it makes you this way. You're not going to treat your phobia if you force yourself like this. Not so sudden. And you especially don't need to do that to calm me down. Me out of all the people that treat you right." I said and looked down.
"But I only get a glimpse of you when you're in panic that someone would get hurt, or gets hurt." He spoke. Only when you get hurt, I screamed inside of my mind, hating the fact I was falling for Taehyung after almost two weeks.
"Or maybe it's only you when I get hurt. I still haven't decided on that one." He casually spoke and my body stiffened. I wasn't able to switch to my usual persona, saying that he was dumb for thinking that. I was being only the fragile me, so I spoke in that way too. "Maybe." I whispered, playing with my fingers. He stared at me for a long time because of that, as I tried to switch a topic. "Should we go inside? I'm feeling quite cold." I said and crossed my arms. "Uh-yea-yeah, we should." He muttered, still focused on what I had said. I opened the door and let him go through it before me, so he doesn't need to touch it. "Are you sure you're okay, rat?" I asked in a worried and friendly tone. "I am better. Don't worry-" He said and slightly flinched. He thought that I would cut him off, saying that he's delusional if he thinks I would worry about him. But I didn't even care about that, and Taehyung noticed my bipolarity first hand, as for the first time I didn't care about my sudden switch of emotion. I wasn't feeling paranoid that my weak side would show, even though I hated when I was like that during one of my switches.
"Okay. I won't worry." I soflty spoke as I locked the door. He stared at me, trying his hardest to hide the sudden admiration he saw in me. Even if I didn't know why he admired me the way he did, I understood that feeling, so I couldn't judge him. He admired me our whole way sneaking back, barely letting out any words.
I opened the door and let him get inside. The lamp on his side was still on, shining a light upon many daisies, making them look slightly orange due to the dimmed reflection. I sat on the bed and tried to make my cold body warm by rubbing my arms and legs, because just being in this warm room, didn't help me. Taehyung quickly took off his jacket, feeling hot. He observed me as I was slightly shaking. "Are you still cold, or is something else wrong?" He asked, apparent worry in his tone. The way he cared about me made me trust him, but a paranoid part of my brain was saying that he'd live, just like many people did.
I stood up and walked to my closet, only to find thin clothes. Sana would let me borrow her daughter's warm clothes ever winter so I would return those every time, despite her insisting for me to take them. I just smiled, thanked ad felt gratitude. "I'm still cold, but I'll try to find something." I said as I rummaged through my clothes. He stood behind me, seeming like his body was quite warm, but I had to get that thought out of my head. He ruffled with his hair as he observed me for a few seconds. I sighed when I couldn't find anything. "I-I uhm, I have some warm clothes if you want." He spoke as I turned around facing him. "Just to keep you warm for a while. It would suck to get a cold during April." He nervously spoke as he scratched the back of his neck. I skipped the bullshit and immediately answered. "Only if you're okay with that. I'm very cold." I said. His lips curled into a smile as he walked to his closet. "That was a quick response." He giggled and waited for my provocations but I just giggled too, which made him puzzled even more.
He pulled out a knitted wool sweater. It was white, of course, so my mind went to that stupid thought of me owning no white things. I would usually look at white with annoyance in my eyes but looking at that sweater that seemed so pure and oversized and comfortable, how could I even say no?
"It's white, so I don't know if you like it-" He tried to explain, softly touching it with his fingers as his other hand held the hanger it was on. "It's perfect." I cut him off to which he just smiled. "Here you go." He took the clean sweater of the hanger and handed it to me, carefully noticing where my hands were to not make any accidental touches. I gently took the sweater and pressed it close to me. "Thanks, rat." I said in a endearing tone, which made his smile even bigger. "Thank you for saying thanks." He said, loving the fact I thanked him. He was so sucked into the moment of my softness that I got a sense he forgot about how my usual self is, when I'm all aggressive and annoying and just a trouble. A slight panic washed over me, hoping that Taehyung knows that this is not who I entirely am.
I took off my denim jacket as he laid on his bed. I put his sweater on and immediately sensed a scent of a freshly washed cloth. I pulled it completely on and catched him staring at me. He quickly looked away, fidgeting to get comfortable. The sleeves fell down my bare arms as I finally felt warmth. The sweater covered my entire torso, and almost covered my upper thighs. "It fits you well." Taehyung shyly whispered. A small smile crept up on my lips. Maybe he was saying these things to test my responses now that I was so freely showing my emotions. "Uhh, thanks, I guess." I said and got under the covers, pulling them over my shoulders as I snugged up to get warmer. "Wow." He whispered at my response, thinking I didn't hear. I knew exactly want he was getting at. "What?" I curiously asked. "Nothing." He softly said and turned off the lamp. He turned his back to me and got comfortable before he could fall asleep.
I softly breathed in and out and couldn't help but scent a smell that Taehyung's sweater carried. It carried a smell of a fabric softener, which was realistically Taehyung's scent. Like most people have their scent, this was Taehyung's. As unusual as that is. But he always smelled clean so the scents of detergent, shampoo and cleaning products were in fact, his smell.
hey guys how are you !! i just wanted to inform that this will be soon a mature book
if your uncomfortable you can let me know and ill be giving a warning on the top .
