That whole night was filled with intimacy and breaths. Some quickened, some calming, all of them feeling surreal. I laid in Taehyung's arms, hoping I wouldn't stop hearing his soft breaths against my neck and wouldn't get cold. His soft skin belonged the way it was pressed onto mine, making me enter a new world that offered safety I've been trying to seek for years. I had no dreams that night, all of this reality being too beautiful for a brain to ask for more. I finally understood what heaven felt like, and hoped he didn't feel what hell feels like. When a moment is so beautiful, you get the sense that you're becoming delusional. Was I dead and did I finally reached paradise? Was I sleeping with an angel who tasted what hell was like?
All of those thoughts invaded my brain and clung onto the most beautiful moment in life, desperate to not let go and fall to the endless black hole that promised no path or a way back. But like every beautiful moment in life, it ends quickly, truly making you slip into that black hole you felt guilty for digging. While I wasn't dreaming, Taehyung was. His body and mind was going through a nightmare in which I could only assume I made it worse by being pressed against him. Hearing his pained breaths turned those beautiful touches into stabs, and his stiffened fingers made the remained daises in our minds burn to the ground.
I opened my eyes at somewhat near dawn, hearing a few birds chirp. I felt the reality turn into a nightmare. His smell that the soft covers carried across my bare skin, made me shut my eyes in pain over letting go of them. I felt no more touches from Taehyung. I only heard sounds of his panicked breathing as he was quickly putting on his clothes. The sound of scratching filled up the entire room. "Mouse?" I questioned, rubbing my tired eyes. "What's wrong?" I softly spoke, trying to observe what he was doing by staring at his broad back. freezing after finally realizing what he was doing. The daisies were burning, setting fire to his skin that his fingers did. He was scratching himself so hard that his skin started to slowly break out, making him slightly bleed. He was feeling the consequential itch from my touches, wanting to 'get it out'. His pale face turned to me, the navy blue night illuminating his face in the dark. "Mouse. Stop that. You're hurting yourself." I quickly walked around the bed to him, kneeling in front of him. He continued to violently scratch his arm, his nails catching some blood and dragging it across his skin. I gripped his hand and forced it away, making him wince. "Mouse. What's wrong?" I questioned, trying to stop him from scratching himself again. "It's itchy. I can't stand it...I can't-" He tried to speak, slowly starting to hyperventilate. I tried to calm him down by touching his hand but he flinched away. "Don't touch me. Please." He spoke in a cold tone, making me instantly move away. He shut his eyes as his forehead started breaking out drops of sweat. His face was pale and his mouth completely dry, making a contrast of his tanned golden skin and his saliva coated lips hours prior. "Calm down, please." I desperately held myself back from touching him, trying my best to make words sound soft and comforting.
Taehyung leaned his head forwards, making me move to the side to avoid touching him. After just two seconds his head flinched forwards as he slightly threw up. He tried to move, but couldn't. He coughed and spat out some vomit again it was blood, making his red saliva drip onto the cold floor. I widened my eyes and began breathing heavily, feeling panic wash over me and wake me completely up. "I'll get help." I quickly spoke in panic, getting up. Taehyung signaled with his hands to not get help, not being able to speak. "No. I'm getting help, stay here." I quickly spoke back opening the door wide. I ran down the hallway and noticed one of the nurses talking to a doctor that came to work for today. Seeing me run made both of their faces flinch in shock. "Pl-please. We need help." I quickly breathed in and out, feeling my knees become weak. Sana noticed me from the ending of the hallway and quickly walked closer, still in her coat from just entering the ward. "What's wrong?" she quickly asked, panic washing over her face. "Mouse is not feeling w-well. Tae-Taehyung. He is having an attack." I stuttered, feeling myself almost crying. They quickly nodded as I ran back to the room, scared Taehyung is scratching his skin again. Sana, the other nurse and the doctor ran to our room, following me. I quickly stopped myself at the door, my eyes letting tears run down my cheeks at the sight. Taehyung was sitting on the floor, panically trying to open my wooden box with pills with his blood stained fingers. My mattress was completely dragged to the side of the bed, the sheets and the pillows scattered across the floor.
