vacancy screams from my bedroom door | lil peep

14 | jesus christ gustav

gus was done 1 out of 2 weeks of treatment, the withdrawals had diminished a little but certain symptoms still lingered from time to time.

the longer he went on the more he craved a high. he didn't want to ruin his progress, but craving was eating away at him. it was hard to get clean living his life, temptation was everywhere. weed and cigarettes weren't even scratching the surface for him anymore.

"aves i'm gonna go out for a walk, is that okay?" gus asked. "walking?" she asked a little confused, gus had never just gone for a walk. "yeah they said it'd be good for me. exercise or some bullshit" he said. "well okay then" ava said, sounded reasonable. "are you gonna be smart?" ava asked, making sure he wasn't gonna try and pull anything. "yes" gus said, "are your gonna be responsible?" ava asked , "yes" gus said "and you're gonna be safe?" ava asked, "yes" gus said.

gus walked to the path that he met ava on. it looked different at night, much more scary and horror movie like than the inviting and charming aura it had in the daylight. another man in a hood approached gus, they're hands brushed together briefly while they swapped cash for a plastic bag.

gus walked out to the gazebo, he knew he shouldn't do this. it was wrong. it was so wrong but he couldn't stop himself from giving in anymore. he stared at the bag, was it worth it? ava would be disappointed, angry even.

gus ignored his morals, popping the pills in his mouth. the familiar euphoric feeling he had been creating settling into him. this was a mistake.

ava began to worry when gus wasn't home after 2 hours, he wasn't answering his phone either. ava put on a jacket, going to check the route to the pond. she had a hunch that's where he would have walked.

"gus?" ava called into the darkness when she arrived at the entrance of the trail. she turned her phone flashlight as she walked further into the woods. ava spotted a dark human looking shape on the floor of the gazebo. her heart immediately sank fearing her worst nightmare was about to happen. "gus!" she called, no response. she ran towards the gazebo in full panic.

there laid gus, lifeless looking on the ground in a puddle of his own vomit. "gus no" ava said rushing towards his body. "no no no no this isn't happening" ava started to cry with no sign of movement from gus. she bent down to his head, desperately feeling his neck for a pulse. she felt a weak pressure pulsing under her fingers, sighing with relief. he was alive. she noticed the plastic bag next to his body. "jesus christ gustav" she swore. she fucking knew this was going to happen, why did she let him leave on his own.

ava panicked, unsure what to do with her  unconscious and barely alive boyfriend. she called 911, just begging for paramedics to come to her. ava kneeled at his side, sobbing until she heard the sirens. ava was a sobbing, anxious mess by the time the two men arrived to their location. ava stood helplessly while they carried his body onto a stretcher and back out to the ambulance.

"stay calm ma'am, he'll pull through we just have to get him to the hospital as soon as possible" one of the paramedics told her. ava's heart shattered again, watching them hook him up to a thousand different things in the ambulance. "this is my fault" ava said in the back of the ambulance, the paramedic had gus stabilized. "it's not your fault hun" he hold her, "it is, he was a week clean in recovery and i let him go out for a walk by himself. i could have stopped this" she told the man. "unfortunately relapse is a common step in recovery, the toxicology reports will tell us what the substance he overdosed on was. we're assuming something was laced" the paramedic told her.

ava cried holding gus' cold hand all the way to the hospital. she'd never forgive herself for this. once they arrived at the hospital they rushed gus to the emergency room, a nurse showed ava to the waiting area.

ava
something bad happened. please come to the hospital ER.

smoke
on my way

ava texted smoke from the waiting room, needing someone to be with her right now. smoke didn't ask questions and didn't hesitate to pack up and leave to get to the hospital having no clue if something had happened to ava or gus.

smoke appeared through the sliding emergency room doors, spotting ava in one of the waiting chairs. "aves what happened?" smoke asked, immediately hugging his crying friend. "gus" ava sobbed, "what happened to gus?" smoke asked, trying to keep her calm. "he overdosed" ava cried harder, "and it was my fault". "aves it's not your fault don't even say that" smoke told her, "he was a week clean and i let him go for a walk. i should have known something was up. i should have stopped him" ava cried into smoke's shoulder. "it was his choice, it's not your fault. you're doing everything you can for him" smoke told her.

"gustav åhr? we can take one visitor" a nurse said in the waiting room. "go ahead" smoke told ava. ava followed the nurse to the hospital room. "he's stable, he should be good to go in 48 hours at the most" the nurse told her.

gus couldn't look at ava when she entered the room. he was embarrassed, ashamed and disappointed in himself. how could he face her after this? after all she did to help him during his rehab. "gus..." ava said, unsure what to say. she wasn't mad, she was a little disappointed. she understood relapse happened but she never anticipated an overdose. gus was okay, and that's all that mattered to her now.

"i'm sorry" gus told her, "and thanks for saving me, they told me i probably would have died out there if you didn't come looking" gus told her. "no apologizing, no anything like that. you're alive and you're okay and that's all that matters. we'll get you back on track" ava told him. "thank you aves. i love you more than you'll ever know" gus told her.

ava stayed by his side all night, not sleeping at all because she was too worried. that and the nurses coming into check his vitals and give him medications and change things every hour of the night.

"it'll never happen again. i promise. i'll be clean for real this time, for me and for you. for us" gus told her. ava supported him fully, no matter what she had to do. she wasn't leaving him this time.

a/n
i got some shit happening saturday- monday so prolly will not be able to update (maybe like once over the three days i will) so i'll tru and get as many chapters done as i can today and tomorrow

chapter question : what do u wanna be when you're older / going to school to be ? i'm gonna be an RN :) 🏩