I lean over one of the obstacles in the training room of the Magic Box, trying not to focus on it.
I wouldn't blame her if she just wanted to live with things as they are. It's not like life is so bad here. Despite everything feeling kinda weird, I actually am happy with my life. Maybe the world isn't as exciting as it used to be where I have to stop the world from ending every so often. That part of my life isn't something that I miss. Sometimes I miss it and I complain to my friends but it's mostly just venting the frustration of all the changes which have happened.
And Faith's life has changed the most, and largely for the better. Things might not have worked out with Robin, but he opened her up to the kind of relationship she now has with my sister. And I can't really blame her for being happy like that. They obviously love each other and clearly have become better people because of what they've learned from being together. Giving that up is going to be hard, and I wouldn't blame her for wanting to keep it that way.
Hell, I kinda want to leave it the way it is. As much as I'm curious to know what my other life was like, and whether it was better, I don't really mind my life the way it is. I'm happy and in love and I have basically everything I've ever wanted since becoming a slayer. My life is almost normal and I'm enjoying this kind of life. I've never had it and it's nice to get to experience it for once. What if my other life isn't as happy as this one? Would I even want a life like that? Then again, I could have an even better life in this other place and not even know it. Maybe that's the life I want?
But what bothers me most is I have no idea whether I'm happy because I want to be or because Dawn made me that way. Is there even a difference between the two? What's important is that I'm happy no matter what the reason is. Or is it? Can I be happy knowing that it was all created by my sister? When Jonathan did it with that spell of his, I was pretty happy despite it all. I mean, Riley and I were going through something after what happened between him and Faith, but otherwise things were good. I was basically happy or on my way to being completely happy. If things hadn't fallen apart, I might have gotten through the problems me and Riley were having and we might still be together today.
It wasn't long after we beat The First and things calmed down that Faith and I worked things out too. We talked about Riley, and Angel and all the issues between us. It made us friends. Which is what we should've been from the beginning. But did we work things out because we wanted to or because Dawn made us do it so she and Faith could be together? How do I know that Robin and Faith weren't together and happy in this other life?
All of it just raises so many unanswered questions.
"Any word from Faith?"
I turn to see Willow just inside the doorway with a concerned look on her face. I shake my head at her.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I think so."
She makes her way further in.
"Very convincing."
She knows me so well. But it's not me we should be focusing on.
"How are you? How's your head?"
She kinda shrugs at me.
"I'm okay, I guess... head's still pretty foggy, kinda ache-y. But I guess that's what happens when you shove a bunch of memories in your head of another life."
"Yeah, I can see why it would cause problems. You're dealing though?"
Willow moves to one of the obstacles in front of me and leans against it.
"Mostly. It's very weird."
I should probably ask.
"What do you remember exactly?"
"Not everything. Mostly bits and pieces that are important. Like Connor and Pike, and some of how we got here."
Well that's something at least.
"Which is how exactly?"
There's a long silence between us before she says anything.
"It's still not completely clear, but... Dawn and Faith broke up, which sent Dawn down a pretty dark path."
I can see why. If they were anywhere near in love as they are in this world, it would make things very hard for Dawn.
"And that made her want to change the world."
She takes a deep breath.
"Yeah."
That must be so horrible for her.
I can't help but take a minute with that.
"Is it wrong that I feel bad for Dawn?"
"No... it's understandable. I mean, she is your sister. She's only someone I think of as my little sister and I'm having a hard time with it."
"It's just... not the girl I know. Dawn's had her problems but I never would've guessed this is where things would end up. She's a good person. She wouldn't do this."
There's a moment where Willow doesn't say anything.
"Except she did."
"And you're sure about that."
Again it takes her a minute.
"I am... unfortunately."
Maybe she can answer the question that's been nagging me.
"Tell me something, Will."
"Anything."
"From what you know of this other place... this other life we were living... was it... bad?"
"It was bad for Dawn."
"What I mean is... would you be okay with it if we went back to that life?"
For the next of several times so far, she doesn't say anything.
"There are gaps in what I know. I can't say for sure that everything's all rainbows and sunshine, but... from what I can tell? It's not a bad life."
Not sure how I feel about that answer.
"That's not exactly a ringing endorsement Will."
"I know but... it's the best I can do. I wouldn't have left myself a memory capsule spell if I didn't."
That's one thing I'm curious about.
"How did you do that by the way? If Dawn changed everything, how did you get a message to yourself like that?"
"I think it has to do with how Pike is different. Whatever alteration was done to Pike, he wasn't subject to the things that Dawn had done. So he remembers this other life we were living. I probably figured that out before the change and used it to leave memories for myself."
"Any clue as to how he changed? He didn't have that when I knew him."
My best friend shrugs at that.
"No idea, but I'm hoping some of the answers will be in this Connor guy. Any word on that?"
I take a deep breath before saying anything.
"Not yet. I hope she's all right."
"I'm sure everything's fine. Dawn isn't going to hurt Faith, she loves her. And besides, how would she even find out?"
She's not wrong about that.
"You're right. I just worry that..."
"What?"
"What if Faith doesn't want things to change? I mean, she seems pretty happy. Heck, we're all pretty happy right now, aren't we?"
She shifts in her position.
"Yeah, I guess we kinda are. But what Dawn did though..."
I don't let her finish.
"Was wrong. I'm not saying it wasn't. But it's not like we're all being tortured in a hell dimension or something where everyone's in pain. Dawn made us happy. That's a good thing, isn't it?"
"It is, but only if it's not based on a lie, which is what it is."
I'm about to comeback on that but my phone vibrates. I pull it out and look at the text message from Faith on it.
'He's not at the school, try tracking him down at home.'
Willow asks the obvious.
"Is it her?"
I bring my attention back to my best friend.
"Yeah, she says to look for him at home."
"I know where that is."
That's good. She's always been the one to come through for me.
"Great, let's go."
We head out to where the rest of the gang is.
I just don't know what we're going to do when we get there.
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