Walking down the street, I take a deep breath on my way to the Magic Box.
I've never really done it before. There are things I haven't told Dawn, or things I didn't tell her about myself right away. But I've never really lied to her before. After last night though, there really wasn't anything else I could do. I had to tell her what she wanted to hear. Not that everything I said was exactly a lie. There were fun parts to the things we did together. It was fun to act like I used to and do things without worrying about the consequences. I'd forgotten what it was like.
As much fun as it was though, it also reminded me of why I was doing it back then. I was trying to escape the things I was feeling. To avoid feeling what I knew I was feeling. That made me do things I shouldn't have. Feel things I shouldn't have. And that just lead me down a spiral which made me hurt people. It made me hurt myself to try and stop the feelings I didn't want to feel. Things got so bad that I ended up in a coma.
Even that didn't stop me from trying to keep the feelings away. I woke up and I tried even harder. It was only after Angel finally made me face myself did I really let the feelings in. Let myself feel what was really going on in my head and in my heart. It was so hard to deal with, but I took the time to do it, thanks to a lot of time to myself in jail and the psychiatrists I saw when I was in there. When Wesley came to see me, I just barely managed to come to terms with who I was and what I had done. What happened in LA and when I came back here to SunnyD brought me the rest of the way.
With the way Dawn was acting last night? I feel like she might be struggling with the same feelings that I was back then. She was like a wild animal, doing whatever felt right in the moment and wanting me to go along with her. I tried to do that with B when I first came to Sunnydale. She wouldn't go along with it like I did last night. Maybe I shouldn't have done it, but it felt like the thing to do at the time. Especially with what B was doing to find Connor. I had to do something.
But just how far down this road has Dawn travelled? How bad has she gotten? And why didn't I see it before? I should've seen that she was going down this path. If anyone should've seen it, I should've been the one. What if the things Willow and this Pike guy was saying is true? What if Dawn has gone so far that she actually changed the world to fit what she wanted? What if that's why I've always felt a little off about things?
It could all be my own intuition for what Dawn has done to me, and everyone else. I don't want to believe it, but I can't ignore the way I feel and what I see.
I reach the front door of the Magic Box and go inside.
"Why me and Faith?"
"Because whatever was going on with you could be the key."
Sounds like something's already going on.
"The key to what?"
B, Connor and the Pike guy turn to see me just inside the door.
"Faith... you're here."
I shrug my shoulders as I make my way in.
"Apparently. So what am I the key to exactly?"
I can't help but notice Connor staring at me while I close the gap between me and the others.
It's really weird seeing him again, especially if this is all true. I'm guessing that's why he hasn't said anything.
B pushes for Connor to continue.
"Connor says it's not just you. He thinks it's both of us... right Connor?"
It takes Connor another few moments to say anything as he looks at me.
"Uh, right... before Dawn changed things, you and Faith had some kind of rift going on. Something about the two of you was causing a rift that we think can save us."
A rift?
"What kind of rift?"
"A dimensional rift. We don't know what was causing it exactly, but it will probably get you your memory back."
Assuming it's all true, that would at least make me sure what's happening.
"How do we do it?"
There's a long silence between everyone in the room. Willow, Connor and that Pike guy look at each other with worry.
Well that's not going to make anything better.
It's the Pike guy who speaks up first.
"You have to... get close."
Get close?
B gets to the question before I do.
"Get close? Like what?"
"What B said."
Connor decides to be the one to explain.
"The first time it happened? Apparently you slept together."
What?
Me and B look at each other, she's got the same confused look that I probably have on mine. Eventually I turn my attention back to Connor.
"Me and B? That's..."
B interrupts me.
"Crazy."
Wait...
"How's it crazy B? I mean, come on, you've always kinda had a thing for me, haven't you?"
She laughs at me.
"You wish. Hell, if anything it's the other way around."
"Think so do you?"
"Which one of us is dating my sister?"
I guess she has a point with that at least.
I turn to the others.
"There's no other way?"
Willow suggests something.
"You might get away with just touching each other. I have a vague memory of you guys touching hands and something happening."
B and I focus on each other.
Not sure that's going to work.
"B and I have touched each other a lot over the years. Not sure that's going to do it."
B tries for it anyway.
"Still, we should at least try it first. I know it's weird, but what else can we do? If this is all real, maybe now that we know it'll trigger something."
That kinda makes sense.
I hold up my hand towards B despite us being a few feet apart.
"I'm game if you are."
She watches my hand suspiciously for a moment, then focuses on the others.
"You're sure this is going to work?"
They look at each other, obviously worried. Willow's the one to respond.
"Sorta, yeah..."
That's a great endorsement.
B turns to me and closes the few feet gap to put her hand up against mine. Nothing really happens.
Well that's disappointing.
We look at each other.
"You feel anything B?"
"Not..."
Just as she's speaking, there's a tingling feeling in my hand, making her pause before finishing her thought.
"... yet."
My fingers slip between Buffy's and it makes the tingling feeling increase.
Wow, that's...
"Whoa..."
I can't help but agree.
"Yeah..."
She grips my hand more firmly and I do the same. It makes me take a deep breath as the tingling feeling gets more intense.
I've never felt anything this powerful before. Not even when I took drugs. I don't know how to handle this.
Suddenly, I get a flash of something. An image of something.
What the heck is that? It looked kinda familiar but I can't quite make it out.
It flashes through my head again, and I think I can see it this time.
I'm standing in front of someone. Someone that I know... that I care about.
After a few more seriously tingling moments where I take a deep breath, it happens again.
It's... Dawn... and... she's doing something. She's got her hand out.
Closing my eyes and my breathing gets heavier, I try to focus as the image flashes through my head.
She's... bleeding on ice. What's she doing? And why don't I feel good about it?
I pull my hand away from B's and the feeling stops, so does the image in my head.
"What the hell was that?"
B's the first to react to my question.
"Did you see something?"
"Yeah, did you?"
"I did... it was, almost like a memory that I don't remember having."
That sounds about right.
"It's like... I don't know, but it feels like there's more of it."
Connor asks the obvious.
"What was it? What did you see?"
B and I glance at each other. She's the first to speak before I cut her off.
"It was..."
"Dawn. She... was standing in front of us. It was cold, I think we were on ice."
"And Dawn was bleeding."
Connor speaks up at that point.
"You remember?"
Remember?
"Remember what?"
"One of the last things I remember before all this is Dawn bleeding into the hellmouth."
Wait...
"The hellmouth?"
I turn to B.
"Did that look like the hellmouth to you B?"
She gives me a questioning look.
"No, that doesn't look like the school basement to me."
Willow jumps in.
"Because it wasn't. It's the hellmouth in Cleveland."
I look at B.
"The hellmouth is on an ice rink?"
"Yeah... kind've ironic I guess."
I turn to the other three.
"So... what we saw was real? It actually happened?"
Willow sighs.
"Apparently, yes."
Eventually, I look over at B who's looking back.
Damn... so what now?
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