my strange addiction

Part 34

Clarke sat alone in her bedroom. It was dark. She didn't want to turn any lights on. She looked to her side. Madi was peacefully sleeping next to her. Clarke couldn't sleep. Every time she tried to close her eyes she saw her face and his face. He died and no one knows why. She left and she knew why. She understood why. Too many ghosts. She was kind of thinking the same now. The rain was the loudest sound in the room. Clarke tried to focus on the sound of the rain.

'Are you okay?' Clarke looked at the little girl.

'Yeah.' She pulled the girl's head in her lap. 'I'm okay,' she whispered. She wasn't but Madi didn't need to know that.

Lexa sat against the cold wall. The rain was pouring over her. Her clothes were soaking wet but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything. She was supposed to leave and she's still here. Sitting in front of the restaurant. On the pavement. 'You love her.' A familiar voice sounded.

'I do,' Lexa says. Her big sister sits down next to her.

'Go after her Lex,' Anya said.

'I can't,' Lexa says.

'Fuck Lexa! She wants you. You want her. She needs you. I saw her saying goodbye to you. If she didn't want you or need you she wouldn't say goodbye to you like that. She wouldn't even have come at all,' Anya said.

'She has a daughter,' Lexa says.

'So?' Anya says.

'I've killed people Anya! I can't take care of a child!' Lexa shouts.

'You were manipulated by our father Lex,' Anya said.

'You were too. You've never killed anyone for him,' Lexa says.

'Look Lexa I knew about this before mom died. He used your grieve and weakness. That man was sick,' Anya says.

'I can't just walk back into her life,' Lexa says.

'She's not the problem. You are,' Anya says.

'Exactly.'

'No you don't get it. You don't let yourself walk back into her life,' Anya says.

'That's not true,' Lexa says.

'She tried to kiss you. She forgave you. All you have to do is forgive yourself,' Anya says.

'I can't just forgive myself for what I've done to her,' Lexa says.

'Maybe not today but work for it. Work for it with her,' Anya says.

'I'm broken Anya,' Lexa says.

'And she is the only one that can and will fix you,' Anya says.

'So you admit I'm broken,' Lexa says.

'Yeah you're sitting on a pavement in New York city in the rain,' Anya says. Lexa chuckles. 'Go,' Anya says. Lexa nods. 'Call me and tell me how it went,' Anya says. She gets up and lifts Lexa to her feet.

'You love her,' Madi says. A tear leaves Clarke's eye.

'I do,' Clarke says. Admitting it to someone else is scary. 'But she left,' she says.

'I'm sorry,' Madi says.

'It's okay,' Clarke says.

'I love you Clarke and I'll never leave you.'

'I love you too and I won't leave you,' Clarke says.

'I know,' Madi says. They heard a soft knock on the door.

'Who do you think it is?' Madi asks.

'I have no idea. Stay here,' Clarke says.

Clarke opens the door. She looks up. Her lips part but she can't speak. Madi peaks around the corner.

'Lexa,' Madi says. Clarke turns around and sees the little girl.

'You're here,' Clarke says. 'Why?'

'I couldn't live without you I guess,' Lexa says. Tears drop to the floor.

'Are you just gonna stand there or kiss me?' Clarke chuckles and so does Lexa. She grabs the blonde's head and kisses her passionately. Showing her all the love she has for the blonde woman. When they part they hear Madi cheering behind them. Lexa doesn't loosen her grip on Clarke's waist. She looks down at the girl who hugs them both. Clarke chuckles.

'You're wet,' Madi comments. 'Clarke get her some clothes,' Madi says.

'Okay boss,' Clarke says. Clarke disappears into her bedroom.

'So here's the thing,' Madi says.

'Oh?' Lexa teases.

'Don't ever break her heart again,' Madi says.

'I wouldn't worry too much about that,' Lexa says.

'Good. Welcome to the family,' Madi says excitedly.

'What did she say to you,' Clarke says. Lexa chuckles.

'Nothing,' Lexa says.