Mental Health Stories

Abuse

Do you know what's hard?

It's being in a healthy relationship after being in an abusive, toxic relationship.

It's needing constant reassurance from your partner.

It's waiting for them to break, to drop the nice act.

Sometimes I'm constantly on edge, waiting for her to yell at me or to start getting annoyed.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I go numb.

I stop feeling everything.

And I distance myself, knowing that it won't hurt as much if I leave first.

Even though deep down, I know that she would never leave.

It's not knowing how to respond when your partner gives you love and affection.

They can be patient and understanding and still, you remember what it was like before.

The cursing, the yelling, the hitting, the emotional abuse, all those nights you cried. . .

Because that was normal.

Because that was routine.

You became used to it.

That was safe.

And now. . . when someone loves you and treats you as you deserve, it feels strange.

Maybe you want to believe them but you simply can't.

And it's nothing your partner is doing wrong.

And sometimes. . . maybe. . . your current partner doesn't feel safe anymore.

Even though they are.

Because all you can feel and remember is the abuse from before.

AN: To everyone out there who left an abusive relationship, I'm proud of you. To everyone who is in one, stay strong. I know how hard it is to even leave one. It's not as simple as everyone thinks it is.