Mental Health Stories

Nightmares

I feel exhausted but as soon as I close my eyes, I'm wide awake.

I force myself to lay there and try to sleep, but I start shaking.

I know the bad dreams will come and waking up alone isn't worth the sleep.

I'm crying now, terrified of what happens when I let go.

It's okay, I tell myself. We need to sleep.

But I'm scared, my brain replies.

Of what? There's nothing here to be scared of.

Not yet, but when the dreams come there will be.

Maybe we won't have a bad dream tonight, I say, trying to be optimistic.

My mind laughs at me. Sure, but don't complain when you wake up scared again, like every other night this week.

So I lay back down, pull the covers up, and try to sleep.

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~ ~

~ ~ !

I jolt awake, staring into the darkness.

My heart beats rapidly and I feel the tears start again.

No, I whisper, burying my face in my hands. Not again.

I told you, we would have another dream.

I glance at the clock.

4:32 AM.

Oh, look! We managed to sleep for two hours this time.

I contemplate lying back down and trying to sleep.

Nah, you know it's not worth it.

You're right.

I climb out of bed and turn on my computer to start working.

I hate this.

I hate it too.

The day passes in a slow fog over me.

Tiredness washes over me in waves.

Should I take a nap? I wonder, as I glance at the clock.

2:22 PM.

I cautiously climb into bed and lay down, staring nervously at the ceiling.

I turn my head slightly to glance outside at the sun shining and people going about their day.

Everything is fine, I whisper.

I barely have to close my eyes before I start breathing really fast and tears start to fill my eyes.

Who's going to protect you when you have a nightmare?

Shut up, I angrily whisper as I curl into a ball.

I hate sleeping.

So do I.