Mental Health Stories

Brain Diary

AN: Before you read this and I sound completely insane, this is a slightly exaggerated example of some of the conversations I have with my brain/depression.

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Ugh. Is it morning already? Can we go back to sleep?

No. We have class.

But ugh, this class is so boring.

Um, hello? Can you focus on this class, please?

Nah, I'm too tired.

You're the worst.

We're the same person, honey.

Shut up.

Oh, look. Your girlfriend texted you. She doesn't want to be with you anymore.

What? Why? She literally just said good morning and asked how we slept.

Okay, but she's just doing it out of politeness. And she didn't use a heart emoji like she usually does. So. She's losing feelings for you.

I'm pretty sure she still loves us. She literally said "I love you" last night.

Oh my gosh. Why are you responding?? Stop.

Should I not be texting my girlfriend??

You're just bothering her. You know she has exams and stuff. You're just making her more stressed.

Oh.... okay... I guess you're right. I'll stop texting her.

Do we have to get lunch now?

Yes. We haven't eaten all day.

But we could also just lay in bed instead. A nice, warm bed...

No. We can take a nap after lunch, okay?

Okay.

. . .

Yeah. I don't feel like eating.

Dude, we took one bite.

Yeah. And I don't have the energy to eat more.

Okay, fine. Let's take a nap.

Oooh, I have an idea! Let's be anxious!

??? All I did was lay in bed and close my eyes.

Okay. But what if you have nightmares?

Then I cry? And go back to sleep?

Okay. But who's going to protect you? No one. No one cares about you or loves you.

Can you be quiet? I'm tired.

Let's start crying now because we're so anxious.

We wouldn't be feeling anxious if you just stopped with your depressive thinking and worries.

What if... we pulled an all-nighter tonight!?

That's a terrible idea.

But we could get so much work done.

The last time you said that you got all depressed and we spent the night crying and being unproductive and we didn't even sleep.

Do we have to eat this?

We didn't really eat all day except for some snacks so yes.

I don't understand this. Numbers. Words.

Are you even trying?

No. Not really.

We do have to pass this class, you know.

I know. But at the moment, I don't care.

Okay. Then lets at least go to bed. It's almost 5 AM.

Nah. Sleeping is scary anyway. Nightmares. Anxiety.

But maybe. . .we could. . . text her? She's probably up by now and she told us it's okay to text her when we need her.

. . .does she even love me?

Of course. She loves you too.

but. . . what if she doesn't?

But she does. If you don't believe me, I can text her now and you can see that.

no, we shouldn't be texting her. we should just handle this ourselves.

okay.

. . .

I'm exhausted. Let's try sleeping now.

but I don't want to.

. . . 

See? She does care. And she's here. We can go sleep now.

it does feel safe. . .

It is. She'll protect us. You can stop fighting. Let go. Just for a little.

Okay. . . I love her so much.

And she loves us too.

AN: The voice likes to attack/get insecure about the people closest to me. It doesn't normally happen with friends. Mostly romantic relationships.