Mental Health Stories

Thoughts

Hey.

Hi.

Are you—

Tired? Yeah.

Are you okay?

No, but it doesn't really matter. Do we have to get up now?

I mean, no but we should. Besides, then you can sleep later.

Ugh. Fine.

. . .

Do you ever think it's not normal?

You're not normal.

Yeah, I know. I meant like talking to oneself like this.

Probably not.

Okay.

Okay.

Ugh, who is texting me? I don't care. I'm not gonna check.

What if it's important? Come on, the game just ended anyway.

Nah, no one cares anyways.

That's not true. I care.

You don't.

Okay, but sometimes I do and right now I think you should check your phone. Look, they even sent a second message.

Eh. It's probably just a game notification or an email.

What!? You're just going to shut it off and shove it in a drawer?

Um, yeah?

Are you okay? Are you sad?

It doesn't matter. Let's just play another game or read a book.

Okay. But you have to check your phone first. You don't even have to answer.

You are the worst.

I know, but you still ask me to stay.

. . . Shut up.

And? Oh, look. Someone actually cared enough about you to ask how you are and if you ate today.

Meh.

You can't just 'meh' at this. That was kind of her to ask!

It's called being polite. Can we go back to games now?

You can let her help. It's okay.

Okay!? It's never okay! You know what happened last time. We need to just focus on us and ignore everyone else.

That doesn't really solve the problem.

If you push someone away enough and ignore them, then they leave.

Is that what you want?

. . . Does it matter what I want?

Maybe. I don't know. To her it might. I'm in your head so you might as well admit what you want.

I hate talking about feelings.

It's just me.

Fine. . . I want. . . to feel safe with someone. I want to be able to tell them what's bothering me and let them protect me and fight for me and be willing to chase me when I leave.

So tell her that.

I can't just tell her what I feel.

Maybe she's the one willing to fight with you.

What if she isn't?

Then you can leave. Leaving is always an option.

Okay. . .

See? I told you so. She said she cares about you and wants to make you happy. Why are you crying?

What if it isn't real? What if she feels this way now but then changes her mind later?

Then we'll deal with that then. But right now. . . let go. She can protect you for now.

I'm scared.

You're okay.

I'm okay.

We're okay.

AN: I have mental debates like this with myself a lot. I also have daily conversations with myself. The first thing I do when I wake up is to ask myself how I feel.